Brog: Sweet Scent Of SoBe Officially Gone Sour

OK, I’m officially ready to move from SoBe back to Los Angeles. Living down here in the wintertime has been an absolute revelation, but as summer looms over South Florida, I’m ready to escape.

South Beach Stage Shows Featuring Optical Illusions From Behind

(What I’ll miss: Cheesy SoBe stage shows - with requisite optical illusion)

Besides the weather (hurricane season is here, yay!), South Beach is now officially a ghost town. In the winter and spring months, walks down Ocean Drive and Lincoln Road Mall yield mostly well-monied European tourists, Kate-Mossed models (nice, tight, drug bodies) and tastefully-implanted South American prostitutes honeys. Just like the Venice Boardwalk! (OK, maybe not)

And the best part of SoBe? The unending supply of high season hotties hangin’ all over the latest, shriveled-up Max Mosley in their life. It’s truly an inspiring vision that I wish I could share with all of you snow shovelers in Southeastern Ohio (Gallipolis!).

Sadly, all that is now gone, replaced by the now-more-noticeable homeless (and accompanying urine scent wafting over my morning eggs at News Cafe).

Like you, I knew all of this was going to happen. So I’m not upset, I still love South Florida and plan to come back next winter. Hopefully then I will, unlike T.O., experience my first Bang Bros. sighting.

Hooters Bike On South Beach's Ocean Drive

(What I’ll miss: $35K bike on SoBe’s Ocean Drive highlighted by Hooters logo)

So I’m now off to clear out my crappy flat with a detonated Daisy Cutter, shoehorn the remains into my car and journey down Alligator Alley (forget that boring drive through Orlando).

I won’t be making that trip for 2-3 weeks, but I will be back in Abbot Kinney-land early next week, for a shoot with a new SbB Girl. The shoot was originally set for South Florida, but I’m going to relocate it to Lipstick City.

Say what you will about SoCal’s smog (yes, that Gulden Mustard-colored, gaseous material you notice hovering over Culver City when you fly in is S-M-O-G) and overcrowding, the opportunities to produce spectacular photos with natural light is far superior to Miami. Not to mention SoCal’s beaches present many more options for sick piccies, as opposed to the featureless SoBe strand (though the water quality is far superior).

Sobe Street Scene Serves As Appetite Suppressant

(What I’ll miss: Sobe Street Scene Serves As Appetite Suppressant)

Oh yeah, I also have two separate invites in hand to parties at the Playboy Mansion later this month, so that might have something to do with my being suddenly moved-to-move. Read more…