Lance Armstrong Riding For Glory Of Kazakhstan

Now that Lance Armstrong has returned to the Tour de France, it’s given us a reason to kinda-sorta pay attention to the world’s biggest bike ride again. Nothing against the Tour, but we hadn’t really noticed its existence the past few years without the combative Texan doing his best to stick it to the rest of the world. Amazingly (or not), he’s picking up right where he left off. U-S-A! U-S-A!

Lance Armstrong Borat - MS Paint Rules

(MS Paint - is there anything it can’t do?)

Many people remember his years of racing for the United States Postal Service team, a fitting match for a guy who seemed to embody American swagger abroad (for better or worse). Most people don’t realize it, but this year Armstrong is once again racing for the glory of a government-backed cycling team. Only this time, he’s racing for make benefit glorious nation of Kazakhstan. Kaz-akh-stan! Kaz-akh-stan!

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England Soccer Bans Fake Borat From Kazakhstan

When England played Kazakhstan in a World Cup qualifier last October, the police in London were so concerned about upsetting the sensitivities of the Kazakhstan players and fans that they enacted a ban on England fans dressing up like Borat, everyone’s favorite culturally clueless Kazakh reporter played by Sacha Baron Cohen. But despite the ban, England fans still tried to find a way to pack their neon green mankinis to support their side.

Borat bikini girls

(The resemblance is uncanny. It’s almost…wait, that is the real Borat.)

Now England is due for a return trip to Kazakhstan on Saturday, and the DAILY MAIL says those wacky Brits are up to their old tricks. The team has an official supporters band - sponsored by the dubiously-named Pukka Pies - and one the trumpet players apparently bears a striking resemblance to Borat. So the plan was for the band to take full advantage of this during photo shoots throughout the country, with the fake Borat and mankini in tow.

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English Fans Banned from Borat Impersonations

It’s shocking because European soccer has shown itself to be nothing but a bastion of cultural sensitivity, but London police have felt it necessary to explicitly ban the Borat mankini (h/t: UNPROFESSIONAL FOUL) from Wembley Stadium during the England-Kazakhstan World Cup qualifier today.

Borat swimsuit

We just didn’t see a European power showing such crudeness towards another country as to reduce them to a cheap cariacture, you know?

Of course, some fans will try anyway, including this clever fellow:

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Athletes Show All For Playboy; Hair-Raising Cards

Brandi Chastian’s bra brouhaha has nothing on this Brazilian soccer babe.

• Hot on the heels of Ashley Harkleroad’s announcement, we uncover the naked truth on how often athletes have bared all for Playboy.

Gabrielle Reece Playboy cover top

• Upper Deck wants to condition us into buying these hair-filled cards. Next, special-edition SbB sets featuring freshly-shorn follicles from Brooks.

• How cool is Rick Sutcliffe? Not only can he kick cancer’s ass, but he’ll steal a base just to win Bill Murray some beer.

Kobe explains how he jumps over snakes, while Mrs. Bryant jumps all over an ESPN writer.

• The Yankees want to pull the plug on an All-Star promotion that might feature David Ortiz. Well, we should’ve know there was Red Sox trouble at the Stadium had we seen the warning signs.

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FINALLY Tables Turned On Borat’s Sacha Cohen

I enjoyed Sacha Baron Cohen’s Borat, and thank the deity of your choice that there will be no tired, unoriginal money grab masquerading as a sequel.

Wladimir Klitschko Sacha Baron Cohen

Yes, we all know about all the failed lawsuits from the unsuspecting players in the Borat film, but it seems that someone finally got over on Cohen himself - thanks to a nice find by DEADSPIN’s Will Leitch. Read more…

Strange Sights Among Sunday’s London Marathon

While Tiger Woods & crew were leisurely walking around Augusta (shouting obscenities along the way), there was much more movement across the pond on Sunday, as the London Marathon raced around town. (”Look, kids! Big Ben! Parliament!“)

London Marathon Star Wars stormtrooper

(TK-421 racing back to his Death Star post)

While congrats are in order for Martin Lel winning the race for the third time in four years - in a new record time, even - there were many more sublime sights & scenes to enjoy among the 35,000-strong contestants.

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