NCAA Football Making Final Coaches’ Poll Secret

In the patchwork quilt of subjectivity that makes up the BCS, perhaps the most bizarre aspect is the coaches’ poll. While on one hand, it seems like coaches would be most qualified to judge the merit of one team over another, realistically, there’s no one coach or coaching staff who knows enough about the entire college football landscape to put together a good Top 25 without just pulling a “they’re high in the AP so whatever.”

Stalin Would Have Loved the BCS
(Is a comparison to Stalinist Russia just a little bit over the top? NYET, COMRADE!)

More importantly, the poll’s presence leaves the BCS selection process open to the undue influence of a handful of malicious coaches sandbagging a team out of contention. To that end, the USA TODAY has been publishing final coaches’ polls, eliminating any incentive to do so (unless a hypothetical coach really wants to spend time explaining to ESPN why he put Southern Cal at #22). So hey, glasnost’s working well, right? Great, let’s get rid of it!

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Lingerie Footballer Punches Way to MMAer’s Heart

• MMA fighter KJ Noons has kicked up quite a lovely lingerie-football-playing girlfiend in Melany Lorenzo.

Melany Lorenzo

• RB Thomas Jones blames Brett for Jets bumbling down the stretch.

• Man takes an 180-mile bike ride to go on an underage ride of his own.

• March Madness just wouldn’t be complete without a sitcom about heckling starring Tom Arnold.

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Clever Caption Contest: Bobby, Can You Hear Me?

Hey, readers! HAPPY NEW YEAR! (Oops, sorry for shouting. *snicker*) What better way to kick off a brand new year than with a brand new SbB Clever Caption Contest!

2009’s first honoree of the SbBCCC is Vanderbilt coach Bobby Johnson, who yesterday not only led the Commodores to their first winning season in 26 years, but their first bowl victory in over five decades:

Bobby Johnson Vanderbilt Commodores

So, what words of wisdom or sage advice could the man in stripes be offering to the man in black? Submit your suggestions into the comments section linked below. Winner to be announced in the end-of-the-day recap.

Good luck & good writing! (But only if you’re not hungover enough to focus.)

Revenge Of The Nerds: Duke, Vandy, NU All Good

It’s not surprising that College GameDay will be making its third straight appearance in SEC country this weekend. But Nashville? I thought UT was in Knoxville. Oh, Vanderbilt? They have a team? That’s right, sports fans, Lee Corso will be embarrassing himself at Vandy this Saturday as the 4-0 ‘Dores prepare to face off with Auburn.

nerds

It’s a nod to the stunning new college football landscape, where Vandy, Duke, and Northwestern are a combined 12-1 (with the only loss being by Duke to Northwestern). Vanderbilt hasn’t had a winning season since 1982. Northwestern hasn’t been 5-0 since 1962. Prior to this past Saturday, Duke hadn’t won an ACC game since Millard Fillmore was president. It’s insanity.

Ridiculous video after the jump.

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Speed Read: NFL Nuttiness and MLB Melancholy

What a weird, wild weekend it was in the National Football League. And that doesn’t even count the craziness over Lane Kiffin’s job status.

Ronnie Brown Dolphins

(This just in: Ronnie Brown has scored another touchdown)

The biggest head-scratcher (since nothing is surprising about the Raiders anymore) must have been how the 0-2 Dolphins were able to obliterate the 2-0 Patriots - in the House That Brady Built, no less. As a result, Ronnie Brown becomes the new fantasy football flavor of the week, and Joey Porter gets some vindication.

In the meantime, stadium spectators were treated to some bonus football in East Rutherford (yay!) and Chicago (boo!). Last-minute field goals worked in Indy (Colts now 0-2 in new home) and Orchard Park (So long, Lane!), but not so much in Denver (Saints should’ve kept John Carney around). And Tony Romo does what Roger Staubach, Don Meredith or Troy Aikman never did - win in Green Bay. No wonder Jessica Simpson loves him so. (And hopefully Tony will bring his babe back a lovely cheese sampler.)

While the goofiness commenced on the gridiron, it was a sad day in the dugouts.  We all said goodbye to a long-revered institution. Yes, yesterday was the last telecast this season of ESPN’s “Sunday Night Baseball”. No longer will viewers of the Worldwide Leader start their week off with the amusing verbal antics of Jon Miller and Joe Morgan. We will miss them so.

Jon Miller Joe Morgan

Oh, and some ballpark in the Bronx closed up shop, too.

The latest AP college football poll is out, and there’s a new face entering the ranks after a bit of a drought - a 24-year drought, to be exact. The Vanderbilt Commodores enter the poll at #21 after outlasting Ole Miss 23-17, bringing their record to 4-0 and, more astonishingly, first place in the SEC. What a great day for Jay Cutler!

It’s still very early in the season, but wouldn’t it be remarkable if the ‘Dores could run the table and claim their first-ever SEC crown? (Hey, if Northwestern can win the Big Ten, why not?)

And when they make the movie of Vandy’s victorious story, we already know who should be cast as head coach Bobby Johnson:

Bobby Johnson Steve Martin

Actor-comedian Steve Martin. Disagree? Well, excuuuuuuuuse meeeeeeee!

And now on to some other pressing matters:

• STREETBALL bounces over some helpful do’s and dont’s of the basketball dress code.

Erin Phillips Australian basketball player

Of course, whatever Aussie b-ball babe Erin Phillips wears is fine with us.

• Taking a cue from the Mitchell Report, the SAN DIEGO UNION-TRIBUNE is pumped to present its own list of football players found using & abusing performance enhancing drugs.

• PRO FOOTBALL TALK is surprised to discover who owns the NFL85.com website - it taint Chad Ocho Cinco, but embattled ref Ed Hochuli.

• YARDBARKER rides the rasta slopes by shushing down some cool running video of the Jamaican Ski Team.

• Brett Edwards of AOL FANHOUSE laughs off the upcoming comedic showdown between Baron Davis & Chris Bosh.

• KUSA-TV in Denver drinks in news of ex-Avalanche coach Joel Quenneville getting arrested for a DUI.

• Speaking of illegal alcohol consumption, the DES MONIES REGISTER reports that 19-year-old Iowa LB Dezman Moses has been suspended for four games after being charged for public intoxication.

• BUGS & CRANKS shows how you too can cut up & mow down your very own ravishing Rays mohawk.

• The OAKLAND TRIBUNE plays the name game, as the McAfee Coliseum is officially once again the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum.

• The WASHINGTON POST learns that being a minor league baseball GM doesn’t require a geography degree, as Syracuse’s GM thinks Toronto is the capital of Canada.

In honor of the weakest of NFL Week 3, here’s today pertinent poll:

Which 0-3 team has the best chance of finishing the NFL season winless, thus bringing shame upon their city & fans for years to come?

View Results

Spurrier, Gamecocks Owned by Vandy … Again

After spending 11 months stewing over a stunning home loss to Vanderbilt last season that precipitated a late-season tailspin, South Carolina marched into Nashville on Thursday night and finally atoned for its football sins with a throttling of the lowly ‘Dores.

Vanderbilt South Carolina

Or, maybe they didn’t.

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Duke Considers Dorrell And Vanderbilt Coach Bobby Johnson For Football Job

THE FIGHT FOR COACH K.’S SHOESHINE BOX IS BACK ON! The NASHVILLE TENNESSEAN reports that Duke is sending mixed signals out about getting serious about football. The school hasn’t won an ACC game since 2004 (and worst yet, lost to ND this season), but is apparently pursuing Vanderbilt coach Bobby Johnson.

Duke Football Championship Pennant

But don’t get too excited Blue Devils fans, the fight for Coach K.’s shoeshine box also includes just-jettisoned UCLA coach Karl Dorrell, who somehow found a way at UCLA to make Bob Toledo look like Amos Alonzo Stagg.