Feet Severed in Separate Holiday Boating Incidents

For years, governmental safety-advocate types have been warning America about the dangers facing us on the 4th of July. You’ll set the house on fire with sparklers! You’ll die of alcohol poisoning! Well, OK, maybe that one’s true, but the nanny state machinery has been working for generations now to ensure that nobody has any real fun on America’s Birthday.

Old man on a boat with beer.

(Not as cool as it looks, trust us.)

But in their zealotry to protect our livers/relationships/fingers from the scourges of alcohol and fireworks, the hand-holders forgot to warn America about the real Fourth of July menace - meat-eating boat propellers lurking just below the surface of our lakes and rivers. Maritime resort states Idaho and South Dakota each suffered nasty propeller-foot interaction this holiday weekend, resulting in dinner for the vicious propellers and more work for local prosthetic foot makers.

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Boat Survivor Schuyler: Bleakley Died In My Grasp

By now, everyone knows the sad story of Nick Schuyler and his boatmates who were lost at sea off the Florida coast. Well, the tragedy gets sadder, as Schuyler is now reportedly changing his story about what happened to his former South Florida teammate, Will Bleakley. Rather than watching Bleakley take off his lifevest and swim toward what he thought was a light in the distance, Schuyler now says his teammate died in his grasp, succumbing to severe hypothermia and dehydration.

Will Bleakley lost at sea

(Bleakley: Died in teammate’s arms.)

The new and crushing rendition of Bleakley’s end came out via Bleakley’s father, who spoke with Schuyler on the phone Wednesday and relayed the coversation to the TAMPA TRIBUNE. For the record, Schuyler seems to be sticking to his original story that linebacker Marquis Cooper and defensive end Corey Smith both drifted away from the boat, but the revised story of Bleakley’s final hours is so sad that it seems understandable that Schuyler would have lied about how he died when first asked.

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Two NFLers Missing After Fishing Boat Disappears

You’d think after the Vikings’ sex-cruise scandal, NFL players would be pretty wary of getting on sea craft, but evidently that’s not the case. The results from the latest NFL fishing foray are disturbing, with two players — and possibly an unknown third — either lost at sea or drowned after their boat never returned from a Saturday morning fishing trip.

corey smith lions

(Corey Smith: Missing off the Florida coast.)

According to FOX NEWS (complete with horrific grammatical and possessive errors), a boat which left Clearwater Pass, Fla. on Saturday never returned after four men set out on a fishing expedition. Among those on board were Raiders linebacker Victor “Marquis” Cooper and Lions defensive end Corey Smith, and the unidentified fourth boater is also rumored to be an NFL player by a handful of blogs.

No matter what happens, this is a sad story. If a frantic Coast Guard search for the players finds them lost and stranded on the Florida coast, they’ll likely be traumatized from the incident … and lucky if they’re not seriously hurt. If they aren’t found, well, then the NFL will have lost two more players to the sea.

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Bob Uecker’s Yacht Beaned By 551-Foot Freighter

A 551-foot freighter’s attempt to dock in Milwaukee went juuuuuust a bit outside - and right into Bob Uecker’s yacht.

Bob Uecker

WTMJ-TV reports that the St. Mary’s Challenge was trying to navigate the Kinnickinnic River on Tuesday, when the freighter slammed into Uecker’s seafaring vessel, ripping a big gash into Bob’s boat and causing thousands of dollars in damage.

No word if the St. Mary’s was captained by this woman.

Perfect timing, too - Uecker was just about to set sail for a charity fishing tournament down the shore in Racine.

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