Rikers Island Recruits Now Lean To Binghamton

Happy to report that Binghamton basketball is just as fun this year as last offseason season. Quote from Coach Mark Macon, via the NYT’s Pete Thamel, after the team’s loss last night to Boston U.

Mark Macon

We were never trying to sneak up on anybody anyway. Why? We want people to know we’re coming. When I knock on your door, I want you to know who it is. If you don’t, I might steal something. We’re not trying to surprise anybody. Like I said, if I knock on your door and you ain’t there, it’s your fault your TV got stolen, not mine.

Best part of the quote isn’t the comment itself. It’s the unflinching reaction from the locals reporting on what he said.

That gorgeous video is after the jump.

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Speed Read: Overrated, Clap Clap, Clap Clap Clap

Because no battle is ever won, he said. They are not even fought. The field only reveals to man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of philosophers and fools. - William Faulker, “The Sound and the Fury”

That was written by Mississippi’s “greatest author,” who I also thought was kind of overrated. Which, it turns out, could easily apply on multiple levels to the Ole Miss football team. On a national stage and with a No. 4 ranking, the Rebels completely imploded, falling 16-10 at South Carolina last night. It may or may not be true that no battle is ever won, but for Ole Miss, this one was certainly lost.

Moe Brown of South Carolina

Mainly it was lost for two reasons: QB Jevan Snead had a miserable game, going 7 for 21 for 107 yards while being pressured by the Gamecocks’ defense all night. And Houston Nutt’s game plan reminded you of why he was barely a .500 coach with a backfield of Felix Jones and Darren McFadden at Arkansas. Nutt seemed unable to accept that the passing game just wasn’t working, and waited until the fourth quarter to turn to running back Dexter McLuster. He ran for 68 yards in the final quarter, but by then it was too little, too late. Read more…

College Baller’s Condom Theft Goes Wildly Wrong

You must feel sorry for Malik Alvin and his generously sized mancannon.

Malik Alvin Trojan Condom Stealer

(Show-off.)

At tiny Binghamton University, the school housing authority tries to meet its students’ contraceptual needs, offering condoms for free, but clearly their selection just couldn’t quite measure up. We struggle to think of any other reason why Alvin, a junior guard from Philadelphia via UTEP and Chipola JC, would try to steal a box of Trojan Magnums (Magnums, people; he’s either having sex or wrapping up parking meters) from a local Wal-Mart. Security there noticed Alvin enter a restroom carrying two boxes of the jimmy hats and leave with none, but the real fun began when they approached him and Alvin fled.

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Felony Assault-Charged Baller Escapes To Serbia

Athletes have been ducking the consequences of the law for some time. But having one flee to their native Serbia to escape assault charges has to be a first.

Serbia soccer banner

(Official Diplomatic Translation: “Nah-na-na-neh-neh.”)

Binghamton (NY) University sophomore Minja Kovacevic, who came stateside on a basketball scholarship, was arrested last month after kicking some guy’s head in at a nightclub. He was arrested and charged with felony assault. Soon after the Serbian government posted his bail, and apparently smuggled him out of the country. Read more…