“We’re Not In Gainesville, They Don’t Give a F—”

Last Sunday two University of Florida basketball players were charged with breaking into a car in St. Augustine, Florida.

(”They’re going to find you bro, you can’t be a f—ing fugitive!”)

Freshman Cody Larson, 19, and sophomore Erik Murphy, 20, both face felony burglary charges. A Florida basketball manager, Joshua Adel, was also charged with serving as a lookout for the alleged crime. All three have been suspended indefinitely from participating in basketball activities by coach Billy Donovan.

Jacksonville’s FirstCoastNews.com obtained an audio recording of a 33-minute conversation between the three in the back of a St. Augustine police cruiser after Murphy and Adel were arrested. Read more…

Gillispie: UK Owes Me $6M Buyout; UK: “No Way”

With Billy Gillispie getting canned by Kentucky yesterday, you figure he would’ve just packed up quietly and headed out of Dodge. After all, this was supposed to be a bitter, miserable guy who didn’t like anything about being in Lexington (if ESPN’s Pat Forde is to be believed). Well, does this look like that guy?:

Billy Gillispie

(The 6-million-dollar smile?)

Gillispie held a 30-minute press conference in a Lexington hotel in which he cracked jokes and acted like he didn’t have a care in the world. Maybe he’s just relieved to be out from under all the pressure. Perhaps he thinks that Jeanine Edwards might return his phone calls now. The most likely reason for his new sunny disposition, though, is that he seems to think that he’ll be getting $6 million to not coach the team, no questions asked — even though he never actually signed his contract. The university, shockingly, isn’t going to cooperate with that.

Read more…

What, No Tiger Woods Vs. “Real World” Ruthie?

Musician Ryan Parker has a fun ditty on sports look-a-likes which was set to video:

Coach Who Looks Like Vince Gill

I’m personally partial to Mike Holmgren vs. Martin Mull and/or Bernie Williams vs PBS cartoon character Arthur.

Sports Lookalikes

But like Charles Barkley vs. Bob Knight for the 1984 Olympic Team, they didn’t make the cut. Video after the jump. Read more…

Doc Rivers’ Son Commits To Florida 3 Years Early

Austin Rivers, son of Celtics coach Doc Rivers, is quite the basketball standout of the Orlando area. So it should please many Gator fans in and around central Florida that the Winter Park product has announced his intentions to play for Billy Donovan’s squad.

Austin Rivers Billy Donovan

But Austin will have to wait a few years before packing his alligator bags for Gainesville - he just finished his freshman year of high school.

Read more…

Donovan Kicks Gators Out of $12M Practice Place

Florida coach Billy Donovan wasn’t pleased with the way his two-time defending national champs ended the season left off of the March Madness brackets. So the Gators b-ball coach metered out a punishment most vile:

He banned his players from the school’s $12 million practice facility.

Billy Donovan Florida Gators mascot

The ASSOCIATED PRESS also adds in that Billy barred his b-ballers from wearing any Florida Gators apparel. The punishments was for ending the season losing 8 of their last 11 games, and becoming the first defending champ to be left out of the following year’s NCAA tournament since Kansas in 1989. Read more…

Minor League Baseball Looking For Best Promotion

TOSS A TATER FOR BEST MINOR LEAGUE BALL PROMOTION: One of the great hallmarks of our nation is our right to vote. Another cherished institution of our Land of Liberty is the timeless and simple joy of baseball.

Statue of Liberty Jesus baseball

And now, the two come gloriously together, as MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL.COM is asking fans to cast their ballots for this year’s wackiest promotion.

From over hundreds of teams and thousands of Thunderstix giveaways, the head honchos of the demotion diamonds have whittled their list down to a final 10 selections.

These include the Ft. Myers Miracle’s “Billy Donovan Night”, where fans could negotiate their way out of their ticket purchase - a fun play off of the Gator coach ditching on the Orlando Magic.

Billy Donovan Bob L. Head

The Portland Beavers got their heads together to come up with “Bob L. Head Night”, in which the giveaway was a bobblehead of an actual person named Bob L. Head.

The Williamsport Crosscutters had a celebration of the 20th anniversary of “The Great Potato Caper.” In a 1987 game, a Williamsport player smuggled a spud onto the field, and during play, threw the tater instead of the ball - hoping to fool the other team and the umps.

Other choices include the Lowell Spinners’ “Politically Correct Night”, the Altoona Curve’s “Awful Night”, and the Bowie Baysox’s “Office Space Night” - a tribue to the 1999 film and stapler snatchers everywhere.

Milton Office Space

So, go ahead and rock the vote. It’s your American duty.

USC Backs Out Of Planned Basketball Game Against Florida

USC A BIG BABY WHEN IT COMES TO SCHEDULING GATORS: USC basketball news all over the place today, as Scott Wolf of the L.A. DAILY NEWS reports that the planned USC-Florida game this season has now been called off.

Florida Basketball Hat

Wolf claims the game was “scrapped because a suitable date could not be found by Fox Sports, which wanted to televise the game, according to USC officials. Another road block occurred when Gators coach Billy Donovan quit and returned, which delayed discussions further.”

Right, I’m sure it has nothing to do with Nick Young and Gabe Pruitt going pro.

USC baby

Or maybe DEADSPIN found the real reason - Tim Floyd is too tied up scouting local emergency rooms.

Fort Myers Miracle Saluted Bad Bengals Before Billy Donovan

BASEBALL BUNCH BUFFOON BAD BENGALS BEFORE BILLY D: The team that’s giving you “Billy Donovan Night” recently offered up another amusing promotion with “Don’t be a Bengal, Be A Good Citizen Night“:

Billy Donovan Chad Johnson

The Fort Myers Miracle gave a salute to the NFL’s own Cell Block C on Thursday will all sorts of jail-themed jocularity. Fans wearing orange were given literal slaps on the wrists by an on-site lawyer, while team employees with handcuffs wore Chad Johnson jerseys with targets on the back. Chad Johnson even threw out the opening pitch (not Ocho Cinco himself, but a similar named fellow).

Mike Tyson Tom Cruise

Upcoming Miracle events to keep an eye on include “Mike Tyson Ear Night” on June 28 annd “Scientology Night” on August 10.

Mike Veeck

It’s no surprise that the Fort Myers squad is co-owned by Mike Veeck, the man behind such minor league memories as “Nobody Night” (where fans were kept out of the park in order to set the lowest-ever baseball attendance record), and a proposed “Vasectomy Night” on Father’s Day.

Mark Cuban Good Leader Whiffleball Drinking Game

• FLORIDA TODAY reports the Fort Myers Miracle baseball team will host a “Billy Donovan Night”, where fans can negotiate their way out of their ticket purchase:

Billy Donovan waffle

• SERIOUS DISMAY reports that the newly-divorced, soon-to-SoCal Colin Cowherd really, really hates women (We’re sure being an AM radio big shot in Lipstick City will cure that at Saddleranch on Sunset Blvd!).

• FAN IQ belts out a “Yee-Haw!” to former Idol contestant and Jordin Tootoo squeeze Kellie Pickler for her stimulating commentary at Wrigley Field for Country Night.

• THE EXTRAPOLATER puts Mark Cuban through the ringer of the Five Marks of a Great Leader:

Mark Cuban Fidel Castro

• Eric Zorn of the CHICAGO TRIBUNE tallies his Top Ten Tips for Tip Top Tirades.

• WITH LEATHER gives a toast to the new Whiffleball drinking game:

Whiffle Ball Beer Belt

• The SPORTS FROG notes that Philly fans have nothing on the woes of cheering for Cleveland.

• For those of you miss seeing her roam the sidelines, THE WIZARD OF ODDS offers up Erin Andrews gettin’ down with the Kansas State band:

Erin Andrews K-State bed

• SCREENHEAD gets the dish that Antonio Banderas thinks David Beckham is ready to conquer Tinseltown.

• AUTO RACING DUDE is relieved to report that Jeff Gordon was not involved in a plane crash.

Juan Pierre Earns More Than Billy Donovan And Urban Meyer Combined

IF ONLY EMUNSTER AND MEYER COULD MUFF CANS O’ CORN: ORLANDO SENTINEL columnist David Whitley has the most improbable story since Dubya searched out discovered folks who actually don’t want to tar and feather him: The hoops coach at Florida makes more than the football coach.

Urban Meyer Florida Fans

As part Whitley’s piece, the unsung Sentinel, which happens to harbor the best collection of sports columnists of any sports section in the U.S., delivers the dead-on head: “Paid and Confused“.

Juan Pierre

And somehow, Whitley uncovers something crazier than Billy Donovan pulling down more than Urban Meyer: “Donovan and Meyer still combine to make $750,000 a year less than Dodgers center fielder Juan Pierre, who hasn’t won a national title and is batting .269.”