Cream Cheese Causes Coach To Cancel Twittering

• Who would have though cream cheese on bagels would be the downfall of George Mason coach Jim Larranaga’s Twittering career?

Jim Larranaga George Mason cream cheese bagel

(”Go away! You’ve caused me enough trouble!”)

• Broncos fans boo Jay Culter on his return to Denver. And the way Kyle Orton has been playing, expect a lot more booing from Mile High this year.

• But there’s plenty of cheering at NBC, where Sunday’s Broncos-Bears matchup netted the highest ratings for a preseason game in five years.

• Holy subterranean living! Indiana Pacers forward Danny Granger is building himself a batcave down in New Mexico.

• A Louisville-area high school football coach is facing homicide charges after one of his players collapsed & died during practice.

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Belichick Discovers Bizarre Salty Eye Discharge

Bill Belichick

Here is head coach Bill Belichick at today’s Patriots press conference, discussing … wait, is that, emotion? Let’s listen in: “I love Brian Piccolo …”

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Update: Miami Herald Backs Off From Vick Report

The Michael Vick-sighted-in-Foxboro saga continues: Jeff Darlington of the MIAMI HERALD has fallen on his sword, retracting an earlier report that Michael Vick had been spotted working out for the Patriots today. The Patriots are also confirming that Vick was not there.

Michael Vick chew toy

After other reliable sources said it wasn’t true, Darlington backed off. During a week when New England is rolling out their new mechanical Tom Brady at the beginning of training camp, and with the region still reeling from the Manny/David Ortiz doping news, this would have come as another shock to the system. And at least one Patriot fan is not happy about it (see above). Read more…

Jeter’s Gigantic 31,000-Sq. Ft. Home Almost Ready

• That is one mighty-sized mansion Derek Jeter is building himself down in Tampa.

Derek Jeter house

• Both Tom Watson & Lance Armstrong fall short over the weekend.

• Cubs skipper Lou Piniella gets personal with Milton Bradley.

• Indonesia asks Manchester United to never mind the bombings.

• $12 million could sure help the Arena Football League stay in business.

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Gross/Iconic Coaching Outfits Through The Years

The BOSTON GLOBE reported yesterday that fully half of the gray hooded sweatshirts sold through the NFL are adorned with the Patriots logo, a fairly obvious by-product of Bill Belichick’s “hobo coach” look.

Bill Belichick
(Doesn’t he look sharp? Or homeless?)

It seems strange that such an image-unconscious look has caught on in spite of itself, but we got to thinking: this isn’t a new phenomenon. Through the decades of NFL history, in fact, successful coaches have shaped popular fashion, usually without even trying. Let’s take a look back, shall we?

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Tom Brady And Gisele Bundchen Expecting Child

We’re still about two months away from the start of pre-season football in the NFL, and I’m sure there are millions of Patriots fans who can’t wait for the chance to see how Tom Brady has recovered from a knee injury that robbed him of the 2008 season and kept the Patriots out of the playoffs. Then there are people like me who don’t care about the Patriots at all but are wondering about Brady’s health for no reason other than his fantasy football prospects.

Tom Brady Gisele Bundchen

Now how much Brady himself is looking forward to training camp, I don’t know. Yeah, he’s probably anxious to get back on a football field to try and win another Super Bowl, but at the same time the man did just get married to Gisele Bundchen not too long ago. I mean, would you rather spend 8 hours a day in a film room with Bill Belichick or in bed with Gisele? Though if Tom’s history has taught us anything it’s that he’s going to be leaving the house now that Bundchen is reportedly pregnant.

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The NFL Draft Rumor Snack Bag: Who’s Going #2?

Here’s a taste of the NFL draft rumor, innuendo, and other glorious nonsense (including, occasionally, fact-based content) for your consideration just before the NFL Draft starts around 4 pm ET:

John Elway

(What happened with John Elway won’t happen with Matthew Stafford, thanks to his bank-busting deal with the Detroit Lions to go #1 overall)

Who else might be on the move, including a number you usually don’t hear about on draft day? Read on!

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Goalie Uses iPod to Win Final; Belichick, Line One

When Manchester United took the Carling Cup Sunday, no one could claim surprise.  They’ve dominated every table they’ve chosen to sit at all season.  However, no one quite expected the goalkeeper for Man U, Ben Foster, would credit his success in blocking almost all the penalty shots he saw past extra time to secure the win to his coach’s iPod.

Manchester United goalkeeper Ben Foster

(Okay… this would probably be cheating, but that’s not what we mean)

Ben’s ‘keeper coach had video of all the opposing team’s shot takers in previous attempts at other matches cued up on Steve Jobs’ music industry-killer and rushed over to Foster to give him one last refresher.  Fully visualized and aware of his opponent’s tendencies, Foster blocked penalty kicks with rare precision and locked up the hardware with assistance from his coach’s hardware.
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Boat Recovered & 1 Rescued, NFLers Still Missing

• The boat carrying missing NFLers Corey Smith & Marquis Cooper has been found, and one survivor was rescued. However, the two players and another passenger still haven’t been found.

Corey Smith Marquis Cooper

• Does Bill Belichick treat all his ex-assistants-turned-NFL-head-coaches the same way?

• Speaking of, Eric Mangini is making drastic changes with the Browns - such as moving the video room up one floor at a cost of $500,000.

• DC Comics’ lawyers come down faster than a speeding bullet on the NBA for marketing “Krypto-Nate” T-shirts without their permission.

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Speed Read: McDaniels Gets Mangini Treatment?

When longtime Patriots assistant Eric Mangini left to coach the Jets, New England coach Bill Belichick openly seethed about his right-hand man’s defection. Belichick refused to wish Mangini good luck, instead holding a grudge against him that extended all the way to chilling non-handshake meet-and-greets at midfield after games between the Jets and Patriots. Well, now another Belichick chosen assistant has departed and, like Mangini, Josh McDaniels may be getting slighted by his former tutor.

According to numerous sources, McDaniels’s Broncos were close to a deal for his former quarterback, Matt Cassel, on Friday night. At the last minute, New England backtracked from the deal and included Cassel, a player they were willing to franchise tag at a cost of millions of dollars, in a trade made earlier for linebacker Mike Vrabel with the Chiefs. The Cassel addition may go down as one of the great throw-ins of contractual history, right behind free jalapeno poppers when you buy a large Coke.

The decision to send Cassel to the Chiefs not only smacked of favoritism for Belichick’s former front office compatriot, longtime Patriots-turned-Chiefs GM Scott Pioli, it also tomahawked McDaniel’s new offensive lineup before he even gets a chance to work with it. When the Broncos angled for Cassel, it became clear the team was willing — anxious even — to deal Pro Bowl quarterback Jay Cutler. That concept didn’t play well with Cutler or his teammates, as you read right here yesterday.

Matt Cassel Sings!

Suddenly, after the Patriots received only a second round draft pick for the package of Cassel and a Pro Bowl linebacker, it became clear that something was amiss. By keeping Cassel from the Broncos, Belichick not only hurt a team that has long been a thorn in New England’s side, he also stuck the move to his former offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach. Belichick is smart enough to know that the Chiefs are still one, probably two years away from legitimate contention. That’s not necessarily the case for the Broncos, and being able to hold back an assistant he didn’t want to leave may have only made shorting Denver an easier decision for Billy B.

The lopsided deal — which, as we pointed out Saturday, could become a lot more plausible if the Patriots land Julius Peppers — was so out of character that some writers have called for an investigation into why the Patriots made it. FANHOUSE columnist Jay Mariotti is the biggest name among that group, and (somewhat shockingly) he makes some decent points as to why something is clearly fishy with the deal.

Jay Cutler Broncos

Mariotti probably won’t get his probe, but the Patriots may get a lot more scrutiny over future moves, and that’s something that would have seemed crazy even a week ago.

We hate to stick with sports teams that play in a single east coast city, but there’s another Boston move that bears further inspection: the Celtics’ signing of team-killer Stephon Marbury. Starbury made a predictably impressive debut off the team’s bench on Friday, but he was 0-for-3 against the Pistons on Sunday, racking up four fouls in 13 minutes, not to mention one embarrassing steal he practically handed to Detroit’s Rip Hamilton. In short, he looked awful, and his brooding gaze under a towel on the sideline didn’t seem to help things during Boston’s upset loss at home, either.

Starbury

Naturally, that raises the question of whether, if Marbury continues to struggle in a bench role, he’ll be content sitting on said bench. Clearly the Celtics thought he would, because there’s no way he’s stealing any time or any of the role from emerging point guard Rajon Rondo, but there’s no precedent for Starbury “fitting in”. In fact, he’s never fit in, so why should the Celtics assume he will now? Clearly they may have been using specious logic in believing that Doc Rivers, as compelling a coach as he has been, could instantly get Marbury on board with Boston’s team dynamic. That just means that Marbury could be more trouble than he’s worth, which is precisely what the Celtics don’t need if they have any hope of repeating without James Posey.

Just when it looked like Manny Ramirez was finally going to sign that Dodgers deal, Brooks’ recent prediction that he’ll sit out at least the start of the season looks even more prescient. According to Dylan Hernandez of the L.A. TIMES, Dodgers owner Frank McCourt is using his prerogative to screw over Scott Boras, claiming that all talks for a deal for Ramirez must now “start from scratch”.

At one point on Sunday, the two sides were said to be less than $2 million apart on a two year deal, with only Ramirez holding an option on the second year. The chance to reach agreement on that faded away when McCourt showed his cheap side. Often dumb, but cheap, when he said the Dodgers and Ramirez will have to start from step one, reeling in Boras to a de-facto admission that the Dodgers are the only team with legitimate interest in Ramirez, then fleecing him by saying that a $45 million deal for the slugger is “off the table”.

The question now is only whether McCourt will suddenly get really, really stingy, trying to drive down Manny’s asking price by $5 million or more, or whether this is all an exercise in saving face and proving a point. The danger there, of course, is whether Boras convinces Manny he’s being disrespected, telling him to turn to some type of a strangely-structured deal with the Giants. That’s probably unlikely, but the way talks have been going, it sounds more and more like a deal between Manny and the Dodgers isn’t so likely at the moment, either.

  • Longtime Jazz owner Larry Miller was laid to rest on Sunday, and all of his children drove to the funeral in sports cars, an homage to his start in an auto parts store. Naturally, Karl Malone and others were in attendance in a pretty classy ceremony.
  • larry miller funeral jazz

  • Former NHL degenerate Steve Downie is back in the news, which can only mean one thing: He’s getting himself in big trouble. This time he didn’t take his frustrations out on an opponent, he used a ref … and slashed him with a skate.
  • Is anyone else sick of Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant facing off? After missing each other for far too long, they suddenly have played three times in three weeks. Shaq won this round, but really, do we want to watch any more right now?
  • On Sunday, THE WASHINGTON POST reported that Maryland might have been on the verge of a recruiting violation because of contact between Under Armour, former Terp Byron Mouton and top prospect Lance Stephenson. Now the U of Md. is responding, and they’re not taking these allegations lightly. Naturally, Stephenson probably isn’t, either, which just means he’s almost certain to land somewhere else.
  • Bad idea: Offering up a helmet night when one of you’re players has a real shot at a hat trick. Worse idea: overturning the third goal … then watching him score a third goal minutes later:

  • Wait, so you’re saying that LaDanian Tomlinson could be a Saint? What would we have to do to make that happen. Can you even imagine that backfield?
  • One of Bill Simmons’ favorite phrases that ESPN won’t let him say: Benedict Cockblock. Luckily, Adam Carrolla can say that whenever he wants. God bless.
  • You know those images that you don’t want to see, but can’t turn away from because they’re just too riveting? Meet female bodybuilder Christy Resendes squeezing an orange … with her biceps:

Will Jay Cutler start the season in Denver?

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