Belgium: Bad At Sports, So Much Better At Babes

Belgium hasn’t been so brilliant in the world of sports lately. Earlier this week we wrote how American soccer player Oguchi Onyewu reportedly received some racial taunting during a Belgian League game - to which Oguchi decided to file a lawsuit. And when they’re not being racists they’re being chickens, as bodybuilders at a Brussels event responded to the arrival of steroid testers by running for their lives.

Caroline Van Espen

Tsk, tsk. Well, as a public service to the Belgian Tourism Bureau - and because I love their waffles so much - I’m going to try and so the prettier side of a sports-shamed nation. For example, take a look at the lovely lingerie-clad lady above. She is Caroline Van Espen, who the blokes at THE SPOILER inform us is the wondrous WAG of Belgian goalkeeper Mark Volders. Vell done, Volders!

Looks like were off to a good start. More Belgian beauties after the jump.

Read more…

American Player: European Soccer Is Racismtastic

Here in 21st century America, racism is derided, and deservedly so. There are so many reasons to hate any given person that choosing the color of their skin reveals you to be of weak mind and character. But in Europe, things are different, just because there’s so much to it than “white.” There, everybody hates every other country’s people, and should said country border yours, it counts triple. Go on, ask the French about the Spanish sometime. Or Germans about the Polish. You’ll see.

Oguchi Onyewu
(Wait, the guy on the right is the one who’s getting taunted for his appearance? Have we gone mad, gentlemen?)

Unfortunately, though “white” isn’t just “white” in Europe, “black” is still “black,” and God help a man if he’s of primarily African descent (rather than, say, a third- or fourth-generation countryman who’s black). American Oguchi Onyewu, playing the Belgian club Standard Liege, found that out the hard way this season, enduring taunts of “dirty monkey” during a recent title match. Rather than let the slurs go, however, he’s taking the fight back to his alleged slurcaster, filing a lawsuit in Brussels.

Read more…

Bodybuilders Beat Cheeks When Drug Cops Arrive

Over the past several years, a pattern of similarities has emerged among American athletes who have been caught using performance-enhancing substances like steroids. Namely, they took the drug test required by their respective sport in the first place. What a mistake! Just think - if only Manny Ramirez had run out of the room when asked to pee in MLB’s cup, he never would have tested positive for female fertility drugs and Los Angeles would still be littered with Mannywood billboards.


If that scenario seems a little far-fetched (OK, completely ridiculous), then you obviously haven’t been following European bodybuilding as closely as you should. If you had been following it like you should, you would’ve learned how to approach the “pee-in-a-cup” event of the Belgian bodybuilding championships like a true champion: running away as fast as possible.

Read more…

Belgian Sprinter Kim Gevaert Is Built For Speed

Since the Ameri-centric coverage of the Olympics on NBC and other outlets deprives us of learning about our foreign counterparts, we’re taking on some of that burden of delivering these athletes and their stories to you.

Kim Gevaert Belgium

Such an athlete would be Kim Gevaert, the Belgian sprinter who took care of business over the weekend in the FBK Games in the Netherlands. Read more…