Hank Aaron doesn’t like him. Jeff Kent despises him. Heck, even Bank of America wants nothing to do with him. He’s baseball pariah Barry Bonds, and at this point it’s possible that most people just wish he would go away forever. It’s not that hard for most people to avoid him these days; baseball teams have no room at the inn for the broken-down, HGHed-up former slugger. He’s still a sideshow carnival like he was when he was cranking drug-fueled dingers out of ballparks, but these days his appearances in the news are spectacle of a sadder sort.

Bonds’ string of schadenfreude continuted yesterday when the short list of people who can stand Bonds got a little bit shorter. Bonds’ soon-to-be ex-wife Liz Watson filed for divorce yesterday in Los Angeles.

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It’s been said that either Manny Ramirez is incredibly dumb, or incredibly good at playing dumb, and his response to his 50-game suspension for violating MLB’s Joint Drug Prevention and Treatment Program gives proponents of either theory plenty of fuel for the fire. On one hand, claiming that a doctor gave him medicine for a “personal problem” seems like a flimsy attempt to use ignorance to cover up cheating, especially since the drug in question (hCG) is primarily used as a fertility treatment for women.

But what the “personal problem” really was personal - like he was trying to get pregnant? Maybe he saw that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie “Junior” on a plane flight and thought that sounded like a great idea. I mean, come on: Manny’s so crazy, he doesn’t even know that men can’t conceive. That’s just Manny being Manny.

(The only thing inconceivable is Manny Ramirez’s story.)

Are you buying it? Me either. As the news spread throughout the baseball world, the most shocking aspect is just how not shocked anyone who wasn’t a Dodger fan was about it. His former teammates with the Boston Red Sox seemed to be more upset that they have to talk about Manny Ramirez again than anything else, with closer Jonathan Papelbon summing up most player’s thoughts:

“I just walked in the clubhouse today and found out about it. I haven’t really thought about it all. We’ve got more things to worry about on our club. Obviously, it’s a news story, blah, blah, blah. There’s so many more things we have to go get ready for. He’s not in our clubhouse anymore, so this is something that we’re not even worried about.”

Meanwhile, the debate seemed to come not about Manny Ramirez’s guilt or innocence, but about everything surrounding his presumed guilt. Such as Brooks’ question that if everyone is doing PEDs, then do we have to let Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire and Roger Clemens into the Hall of Fame? Or if the Dodgers are going to symbolically tear down “Mannywood,” the section devoted to the team’s Cult of Personality.

So how did the Dodgers react on the field without their leader? In a word: shaky. Oh, it started out good, jumping out a 6-0 first inning lead on the dreadful Washington Nationals. But then it all fell apart, although this had nothing to do with Ramirez’s absence.

Blame this on the Dodgers’ increasingly leaky bullpen, which allowed nine runs in the seventh and eigth innings en route to an 11-9 Dodgers loss - which stopped the team’s record home winning streak to start the season at 13. You also couldn’t blame Ramirez’s replacement in left field, Juan Pierre, who went 2-for-4 but did make the inning-ending out in the eighth with the bases loaded.

Meanwhile, back to Ramirez’s former team again … actually, let’s look at both of them, since his original team (the Cleveland Indians) just happened to be visiting his most recent team (the Red Sox) on Thursday night. And while it might be tacky after the events of yesterday to says that Boston’s offense was on steroids, it’s safe to say that they were at least jacked up on a six-pack of Jolt colas.

The Red Sox matched a major league record by scoring 12 runs in the sixth inning while drubbing the Indians 13-3. At least we can be sure that Jason Bay isn’t juicing, unless he tests positive for having too much maple syrup in his blood.

And speaking of blowouts, let’s take a moment to congratulate the Atlanta Hawks for making it to the second round of the Eastern Conference playoffs as they collect their parting gifts and head to the exits. Sure, they are only down 2-0 to the Cleveland Cavaliers, and they are returning home.

But anyone who saw just a few minutes of Cleveland’s 105-85 thrashing of the Hawks knows that this series has all the makings of a sweep. Cleveland lead by as many as 36 before calling off the dogs, and LeBron James was just toying with defenders. And oh yeah, Joe Johnson sprained his ankle and might be out for the series. Have fun at the golf course, Atlanta!

More news that you might have missed last night as you were slowly backing away from Kiefer Sutherland and avoiding eye contact as not to enrage the beast:

• The Players Championship teed off in Florida yesterday, and of course Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson share the lead. Actually, that’s a lie: the FLORIDA TIMES-UNION says that while Ben Crane leads after an opening-round 65, Woods dealt with a balky putter while shooting a 71 and Mickelson was all over the place while putting up a 73.



• But if Tiger feels like he needs any help, he can call on Lee Trevino, as the DALLAS MORNING NEWS says that “Super Mex” has offered to teach him a power fade that will make sure that “he doesn’t lose any tournament.” At the least, he would like him to try an authentic salsa from Texas versus a competitor made in … NEW YORK CITY?!?
• As usual, the Stanley Cup playoffs didn’t disappoint: the CHICAGO SUN-TIMES says that the Blackhawks relied on a late third-period goal to pull even and then scored early in OT to win 2-1 and level their series with Vancouver at 2-2.
• Meanwhile, the DETROIT NEWS says the Red Wings also tied their series with Anaheim at 2-2 but were far less dramatic about it, playing some old time hockey on the way to a 6-2 blowout.
• And as hockey attempts to shine on the ice, it continues to stumble elsewhere, as the TORONTO GLOBE AND MAIL says that a group of investors trying to buy the failing Phoenix Coyotes and move them to Hamilton, Ontario are accusing the NHL and Commissioner Gary Bettman of “operating like an illegal cartel” in blocking the sale and move. Kind of like a more stupid version of the Mafia.
• As the baseball world was reacting to Manny Ramirez’s suspension, the EAST VALLEY TRIBUNE says the Arizona Diamondbacks took the opportunity to relieve manager Bob Melvin of his duties while no one was looking. He’s being replaced by former major league catcher A.J. Hinch, because that’s apparently the only people who can manage the Diamondbacks.
• YAHOO! SPORTS claims that Louisville coach Rick Pitino has made himself a candidate for the Sacramento Kings coaching job. It probably won’t have as much impact when he tells the local media that “Vlade Divac is not walking through that door.”
• The WASHINGTON POST says there was plenty of hot disciplinary action in the NBA, as the Magic’s Rafer Alston received a one-game suspension for his head-slap on the Celtics’ Eddie House, while the Lakers’ Derek Fisher received the game punishment for his cross-check of the Rockets’ Luis Scola. There were no suspensions given to Kobe Bryant, Ron Artest or any pieces of furniture.
• It wasn’t just Didier Drogba who was upset with Norwegian referee Tom Henning Ovrebo for several calls that didn’t go Chelsea’s way in the 1-1 tie with Barcelona that knocked them out of the Champions League semifinals. EUROSPORT says the ref had to be “smuggled” out of the country under police escort.
• A football player at Chico High in Texas has been arrested for assaulting a 13-year-old girl in what WFAA-TV is referring to as a “sex game” gone horribly wrong, involving freshman girls “sexting” the popular football players to gain popularity.

• Is ex-Laker Rick Fox calling it quits on his basketball broadcast career?

If so, could he bring his sister Jeanene onto the show before he goes?

• This Celtics-Bulls series is turning into an instant playoff classic.

• Trev Alberts: Form the TV analyst’s chair to the athletic director’s chair.

• Tommy Lasorda visits with the troops - but he’s not looking so well.

• Under Armour recalls over 200,000 athletic supporters. Well, ain’t that a shot to the balls.

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Whether you love or hate KANSAS CITY STAR columnist Jason Whitlock, you’ve got to admit that the man knows how to get people talking. Fans seem to disagree whether he loves or hate their teams, and while he frequently writes about race, he often addresses the issue from unexpected angles. The one thing everyone can agree on is that his love for Jeff George is out of control. But I digress.

(The only game Barry’s got left?)

In today’s STAR, the man who introduced America to the concept of the “Black KKK” is at it again with a column pleading for the Kansas City Royals to add infamous slugger Barry Bonds to their lineup. Amongst some typically Whitlockian hyperbole comparing the plight of Bonds to that of Muhammad Ali are some pretty interesting quotes on the matter from various members of the Royals themselves.

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You have to feel bad for Deuce McAllister. The two-time Pro Bowler who might be the greatest running back in New Orleans Saints history (sorry, Dalton Hilliard) was cut by the team a few weeks ago, a victim of the salary cap and the Saints’ continued belief that Reggie Bush is an every down back.

And it appears that McAllister is a victim of harsh economic realities in more ways than one. It seems that Deuce has several business interests, including Deuce McAllister Nissan in Jackson, Mississippi. As you might have heard, the US auto market is in freefall mode, and McAllister’s dealership is no exception: The JACKSON CLARION-LEDGER is reporting the dealership is filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, as Nissan is looking to recover almost $7 million owed to them.

How badly have sales slumped? Deuce McAllister Nissan sold 107 cars in February 2008. Last month they sold 28. And these are Nissans, cars that people actually want, not Fords or Chevys. McAllister was also a victim of bad timing, as he expanded the dealership just as the market tanked.

Not only does Nissan say McAllister’s dealership owes him $6.9 million, but they also claim that it exceeded its credit limit by more than $1.6 million. Which makes me wonder - shouldn’t someone at Nissan have done something when the dealership exceeded it’s credit line by, oh, say, $1 million? If I am one day late with a credit card payment, I’m getting hounded by phone calls.

Meanwhile, Matt Vasgersian’s potty mouth has gotten him into trouble again. Back in 2007 while working as the play-by-play voice for the Padres, he was caught making a (what he thought was off-air) expletive-laden tirade against St. Louis Cardinals fans and the city. Matt’s now the main studio host for the MLB Network, and as SHARAPOVA’S THIGH says, last night he had a slightly unprofessional (and NSFW) reaction to confusing Fernando Valenzuela and Fernando Vina:

If this is going to be what the MLB Network is all about, I might be more inclined to tune in. More swearing, less replays of Game 3 of the 2008 World Series, please.

Finally, the BBC says that a man has been arrested and charged with breaking into Manchester United player Darren Fletcher’s home and threatening his fiancee at knifepoint. Here’s the frightening part: this is believed to be the 14th soccer player from Manchester and the Merseyside area who has been attacked in the past three years. No wonder Cristiano Ronaldo was so eager to leave.

More sports stories to read while you wait for cops to arrive to handle the emergency of your missing McNuggets:

• A funny find by NESW SPORTS: a video highlighting NBA trash talk from the 1980s. Apparently Larry Bird was also a legend at running his mouth:
  

• Darryl Strawberry tells the AP that he understands how tempted Alex Rodriguez must have been to use steroids, and that if they were readily available in the 1980s they “probably would have been in my system.“Along with enough cocaine to give an elephant a heart attack.
• In a display of grotesque irony, the MISSISSIPPI PRESS says that CFL wide receiver Jason Armstead - who has the words “Speed” and “Kills” tattooed on his legs - was chased down on foot and arrested by a cop after Armstead allegedly flashed a gun at his former girlfriend. The cop is expected to sign a contract with the Roughriders later this week.
• Miami has dropped its bid for an MLS expansion team because of the current economic market, according to the MIAMI HERALD. Miami had been considered a front-runner, with a bid backed by soccer powers Barcelona.
• Remember last week when we mentioned that Hawai’i Tourism Authority had idiotically voted to reject the NFL’s offer to hold the Pro Bowl in Honolulu in 2011 and 2012? It seems like cooler heads have prevailed, as the HONOLULU ADVERTISER reports that they now want to revote on the proposal tomorrow and believe they will get the necessary votes to approve the deal.
• And any GMs out there, Barry Bonds wants to play again so, you know, call him or whatever. MLB.COM has the story, which is probably enough for Matt Vasgersian to drop a few more f-bombs.
• It’s happened: the former Dodgers fan favorite has signed his free agent contract. Of course, I’m talking about Nomar Garciaparra, as the SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE reports he’s agreed on a one-year deal to injure himself for the Oakland A’s.
• INSIDE WORLD SOCCER says the manager of struggling English soccer team Southhampton has told his players to give up sex and “live like monks“ until they are safe from relegation.
• I agree with MLB TRADE RUMORS that Odalis Perez’s comments that “nine or 10 teams” are interested in his services for the upcoming season should be treated with skepticism. Unless those teams are in independent minor leagues, or maybe somewhere in Asia.
• With Carmelo Anthony’s recent suspension in mind, COMPLEX breaks down five great moments of NBA insubordination. But it only covers in-game incidents. Sorry, Latrell Spreewell, this means you’re not on the list.

• Danica Patrick’s lower back tattoo: Now you see it, now you don’t.

• Speaking of SI, one long-time contributor isn’t a big fan of their latest swimsuit model selections, calling them “creepy” and “alien-ish“. On the other hand, they can sure sell Big Nut Bars.

• Kentucky basketball coach Billy Gillispie tried to get jiggy with ESPN reporter Jeannine Edwards.

• A British beauty has been banned from boxing because of her breast implants.

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• Lawyers ask not to bring up Barry Bonds’ testicles during testimony.

• A-Rod’s needle-happy unnamed cousin has finally been found.

• Verne Gagne may have beaten his nursing home roommate to death.

• Penn State & Illinois were very offensive with their offense last night.

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I’m guessing that over the next few weeks we’re going to learn a lot of things about baseball’s home run king, Barry Bonds. As he goes through his trial on perjury charges there will no doubt be a lot of information coming out about Bonds’ alleged steroid use while playing baseball. Whether or not we’ll learn about any mystery cousins, or hear about Barry being “young and stupid” at the age of 35 remains to be seen.

(Exhibit A of Barry’s bantam balls)

There is one thing, however, that Barry’s attorneys are hoping we won’t hear anything about, and for the most part I appreciate their quest. Bonds’ attorneys filed a motion on Wednesday that they hope will keep the topic of Barry’s shriveled or shrunken testicles from becoming evidence at the trial. Yes, you read that right. Continue to read about Barry’s boys after the jump.

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Last February, the Houston Rockets were crippled - literally - by the season-ending foot injury to center Yao Ming. In what must feel like Groundhog’s Day for the team, this February is also bringing bad news for the team: their other All-Star anchor, Tracy McGrady, told ESPN.COM’s Stephen A. Smith that he needs microfracture surgery on his injured left knee and is done for the season.

Keep mind that this is coming from the mouth of Smith, so take it with a grain of salt (right, Chris Bosh?), and the Rockets aren’t confirming the report. But they sure aren’t denying it either, and with Rockets owner Leslie Alexander telling the HOUSTON CHRONICLE to expect official news on McGrady later this week, it looks highly likely that T-Mac is going on the shelf for a long time.

Alexander also told the paper that McGrady is a “superstar” and that the team has no plans to trade him. Which is probably code for “we really wanted to trade him, but now that he’s damaged goods we’re stuck with him.” How much his absence will impact the Rockets is unclear - he’s either been ineffective or out of the line-up for most of the season to begin with, but losing him can’t help.

The only thing injured on Alex Rodriguez right now is his reputation, which is doing about as well as Jack from Jack in the Box. His press conference at Yankee spring training didn’t help much - I would recommend not using the phrase “I’m here to take my medicine” again any time soon - and might have got his unnamed cousin in trouble.

Rodriguez claims that his cousin brought something called “boli” from the Dominican Republic, which the USA TODAY says usually refers to the steroids Dianabol or Deca-Durabolin. And now a DEA agent is ominously warning that “those who violate drug laws are always at risk of arrest and prosecution.” We don’t know who this cousin is yet - although BIG LEAGUE STEW has a list of candidates - but I’m guessing we’ll find out soon enough.

In related news, the AP reports that the MLBPA has sent a memo to its players informing them how to respond to questions about the 2003 drug testing. Their recommendation: don’t respond. The memo also goes into detail about little details like why the tests weren’t destroyed, and how the union did not give advance knowledge of tests of players.

Finally, fans who tuned into the Kentucky/Vanderbilt game last night expecting fireworks had to be greatly disappointed. Not in the game itself, but in the lack of a halftime interview between ESPN sideline reporter Jeannine Edwards and the man she spurned, Wildcats head coach Billy Gillispie.

Alas, no luck last night. As the TENNESSEAN notes, with the game tied at halftime Edwards chose to interview Vanderbilt coach Kevin Stallings instead of Gillispie, telling the paper “I cut my losses.” This is, of course, the entirely wrong approach, and there should have been a producer in Edwards’ ear demanding she interview Gillispie. Not having her interview Gillispie would be like if Chuck Wepner replaced Muhammad Ali at the last minute for “The Rumble in the Jungle” - totally unacceptable.

• COLLEGE FOOTBALL TALK says Texas Tech’s Board of Regents has a teleconference scheduled on Friday to discuss the status of head football coach Mike Leach, who turned down the school’s $12.7 million contract offer. But they also might be discussing AD Gerald Myers, who is clashing with Leach. Sounds like it’s time for a Loser Leaves Town cage match.



• WJXT-TV has word of a high-school football coach in Jacksonville, Florida who was arrested after allegedly going online to solicit a 16-year-old boy to have sex with him at a McDonald’s. Yuck. (Also, everyone knows from “The Humpty Dance” that you get busy in a Burger King bathroom, not McDonald’s.)
• Larry Bowa hates Brad Penny with the type of white hot passion usually only found in telenovelas and Billy Gillispie interviews. The RIVERSIDE PRESS-ENTERPRISE asked Bowa about Penny’s claim that Bowa talked behind his back, which prompted this retort: “The same guy that’s never on time, out of shape, has one complete game (in his Dodgers career)? That Brad Penny?”
• The SANTA ROSA PRESS-DEMOCRAT says that despite rumors to the contrary, you can forget about the San Francisco 49ers pursuing Michael Vick when he returns from exile in Leavenworth. Same goes for the Buccaneers, the Jets and the Lions.
• And speaking of NFL players in prison: the NEW YORK TIMES notes that Giants running back Ahmad Bradshaw is heading back into the stony lonesome to finish serving his 60-day sentence for parole violations.
• The BOSTON GLOBE looks at the list of witnesses in the Barry Bonds trial and finds Patriots special teams captain Larry Izzo, who is expected to testify that Bonds’ trainer Greg Anderson gave him performance-enhancing drugs back in 2003. There goes his Hall of Fame chances…
• Police tell WGRZ-TV that the Bills’ Marshawn Lynch not only had a loaded gun in his car when he was arrested last week in California, but also pot. Roger Goodell is coming for you, Marshawn - may God have mercy on your sou.
• The LOS ANGELES TIMES says Cal State Northridge starting point guard Josh Jenkins is in stable condition after being injured in a single-car accident this past Saturday which killed the driver.
• MLIVE.Com reports that former Michigan All-American cornerback and current Indianapolis Colt Marlin Jackson is testifying in a civil case involving a fight he had as a student back in 2003. The alleged victim claims Jackson hit him with a bottle, while Jackson says it was a punch in self-defense; he is countersuing for damages to his reputation.
• Now coming to the stage: steroids. The DALLAS MORNING NEWS has word on Back Back Back, a new play based on the Oakland A’s and the steroid culture in the late 1980s.

So much for Bud Selig’s idea about taking back the home run crown that Barry Bonds stole from Hank Aaron two years ago. As soon as the Commish started talking about the idea, Aaron, magnanimously, shot down the idea as a pretty silly idea.

(The Hammer always keeps it classy.)

For the second straight day, the ATLANTA JOURNAL-CONSTITUTION got the home run record scoop, with Aaron speaking openly about the mark with Terence Moore. More than anything else, what shines through is just how classy Aaron really is. Given yet another chance to defame Bonds, he took the high road, focusing on what a great player Bonds was, and how he would have been a great player whether he took steroids or not.

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