Bank Robbery, A Round Of Golf; It Was A Full Day

There’s an O.J. Simpson joke in here somewhere, but darned if I can find it. Anyway, this man robs a bank in St. Paul, MN, and immediately after making his getaway, he does the totally logical thing — he heads straight to a nearby golf course to get in nine holes. Marking his ball with gold Krugerrands was a dead giveaway.

Frazier E. Turner, 50, of St. Paul — who says that he has a gambling problem — was arrested at Phalen Golf Course with cash from the robbery tucked into his golf bag. He was charged Wednesday in federal court with robbing the TCF Bank at the Cub Foods store at 1177 Clarence St.

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He Hates Mullets; Loves Red Sox, Robbing Banks

I used to think that Woody Allen’s character in “Take the Money and Run” was the worst bank robber ever. For one thing, he’s foiled during one attempt when he misspells the robbery note. “‘No sudden moves, I’ve got a gub.’ What’s a gub?” But Boston area bank robbers may have that beat. Meet William Donovan, who has poured himself a gigantic heaping bowl of bank robbery fail.

William Donovan

Donovan, genius that he is, decided that it would be a good idea to rob two banks on two different days while wearing the same clothes, including a Boston Red Sox hat and a T-shirt that reads “Mullet Removal Team.” Who could possibly identify me? But this story only gets better. Read more…

Newest Steeler Fan Celebration: Bank Robbery!

That Pittsburgh Super Bowl parade seems like it went off without a hitch, doesn’t it? The PITTSBURGH POST-GAZETTE even said so: “There were only a few incidents of disorderly behavior reported and officers handled those without making any arrests.” That would be an unmitigated success, right? Enough fans to fill Heinz Field almost six times over, and nobody got arrested? Oh, funny thing about that, you see … that’s just because they haven’t caught that bank robbing Steeler fan¬†yet.

Steelers Bank Robber
(The note read, “GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY GO SIXBURGH YEAH BABY BIG BEN!!!!” Okay, no it didn’t. But it should have.)

At a bank on Smithfield Avenue, just a block away from the parade route, a man in Pittsburgh gear held up a Huntington Bank early Tuesday afternoon. He didn’t brandish a firearm, but he did have a note that said “I am not joking, give me all of your money; I have a gun.” Should he be brought to trial, he’s probably going to have a rude surprise as to what language like that entails (hint: it rhymes with “Blarmed Wobbery”). Unfortunately for our criminal mastermind, the heist didn’t go quite as well as his favorite team’s playoff run: Read more…