If you hadn’t been paying close attention - and we don’t blame you if you hadn’t - Terry Bowden ain’t dead yet, #*%$#@!! Terry was the first member of the vaunted Bobby Bowden family tree to be unceremoniously dismissed from D-I in 1998; brother Jeff left his post as FSU OC during the 2006 season, Tommy Bowden was fired from Clemson halfway through last year, and Bobby will probably be murdered if he tries to come back after this season, so you’d think the sun was setting on the Bowden legacy.

Not so, bitches, not so. Terry Bowden resurfaced this year at Northern Alabama, a Division II school, to about the amount of fanfare you’d expect: a couple wowreallywhatevers and about a week of headlines. Then it’s off to pay more attention to I-A, because come on. Bowden’s on a slower track to success, winning a modest amount of games and oh who are we kidding, he’s tearing D-II up and he’s probably going to be the last Bowden in I-A.

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Earlier this week, the UFL — the attempted upstart league that would challenge the NFL (ed. note: Yeah right, never heard that one before) — held its inaugural draft. In the second round, the team from San Francisco drafted a defensive end out of Auburn, Marquies Gunn. Normally, that might not make headlines, except for the fact that Mr. Gunn has a few, how should we say, indiscretions on his record.

(Dude, don’t be so threatened, he just wants to know if you want any cocaine …)

Yes, the aptly named Mr. Gunn is a drug dealer. According to this report from the ASSOCIATED PRESS, via the boys over at THE BIG LEAD, Gunn was arrested in February for trying to sell cocaine to an undercover police officer three times across a six month period. Hey, we can at least give him credit for his persistence, right?

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• The Lakers had a tougher time in Game 2, needing overtime to beat the Magic - and no goaltending calls on Courtney Lee’s final regulation shot.

• Could Pacman Jones be wocka-wocka-walking back to the Cowboys?

• Chad Johnson Ochocinco embraces his newfound “Mexican” heritage by already planning his 1st TD celebration - hanging a pinata on the goalpost & whacking it with an end zone pylon.

• Hope you Memphis Redbirds fans have fun tonight during Stubby Clapp Appreciation Night!

• Recently retired Rodney Harrison rants about how the NFL is turning soft & pansy-esque.

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David Cross once said, “The South has a certain kind of ignorance that is deeper and truer, more unwavering and steadfast in ignorance than the rest of the country has. And just for a lack of a better term, let’s call it Southern Baptist.” While we’d never criticize another man’s religion - if God tells you to do something, y’know, you do it - there’s few places where the Southern Baptists roll thicker than Alabama.

(”‘Forever and ever, Amen.’ Very good. Now, let us pray.”)

That, then, takes us to Auburn, the scene of much tumult over the last year or so. Before Gene Chizik nearly caused a riot by taking the reins of the program, there was another controversial addition to the coaching staff: offensive coordinator Tony Franklin. Franklin was tasked with bringing the spread to the Auburn offense, a move that failed so spectacularly that he was canned seven games into his Auburn career. Franklin finally talked about his time there to the MONTGOMERY ADVERTISER, and sweet bearded Moses, do they ever like to pray:  Read more…

• A group of cheerleaders at a Texas high school sock it to a teammate by smearing human feces inside her locker.

• Does the Denver Broncos’ Brandon Marshall like to beat women?

• Every time a Laker visits Colorado, sex accusations are soon to follow.

• Jeff Van Gundy is trying to stay objective in the broadcast booth, but he really wants his brother Stan to beat L.A.

• I know playing in the SEC is tough, but getting death threats from your own fans?

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Over the weekend, Auburn held a bit of a crazy bash for several recruits. It was called “Big Cat Weekend,” even though there were no actual tigers, lions, panthers, pumas, ocelots, mountain lions, jaguars, or this guy in attendance. Nonetheless, the recruits had a blast being celebrated, as you can see here.

(The NCAA might make Auburn a much less smiley destination for recruits.)

As a matter of fact, as one recruit (Ladarius Owens) was announced, another recruit, Lache Seastrunk (above) actually called out Nick Saban (that’ll end well, we’re sure), saying Saban was “S.O.L.” on recruiting Owens. Fans whooped and cheered at Seastrunk’s proclamation, and a great time was had by all.

Well, all but Auburn’s compliance department, anyway, since the whole thing was blatantly illegal.

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Quite a tumultuous offseason for Auburn Tigers football. After a dismal 5-7 year (including a loss to Vanderbilt for the first time since 1955), Tommy Tuberville was let go, and Iowa State’s Gene Chizik was brought in - a move not too many people were pleased with.

So with spring football in the air, and an unsure football future on the Plains, how can Auburn students find an escape from all the uncertainty? With a rodeo, of course!

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The number one ranked prep running back in the nation is transferring to a new high school in Lincoln, Neb., although he claims it has nothing to to with recruiting. David Oku is switching from Carl Albert HS in Oklahoma to East HS, and in the overanalyzed world of recruiting, fans from both Nebraska and OU are up in arms.

But Oku says he’s not considering either of them, and that his list is made up of Auburn, Tennessee, Syracuse, and Ole Miss. To make this sideshow even more bizarre, the current buzz has it that his move has something to do with some “extracurricular activities” he got up to on an official recruiting trip. Let’s visit the seamy underbelly of the Internet rumor mill, with photo evidence, after the jump.

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For those of you who have always thought CBS sportscaster Tim Brando was a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode, you need not wait any longer. Brando, who is perhaps best known for his basketball catchphrase “the iron unkind,” was the guest on a radio show on Tuesday and absolutely destroyed a caller who challenged his opinion.

Here’s how it went: on the Paul Finebaum Show, which is a syndicated sports talk show throughout the Southeast, a caller who is an Auburn fan challenged Brando about his contention that the university had become a joke for hiring Gene Chizik (and really, it’s not like Brando is the first person to come up with this). What follows is hilariously frightening. I wonder if Brando has gone off like this on Mike Gminski.

Transcription and audio after the jump:

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• The New York Giants don’t appreciate one fan’s busting out of support.

• T.O. has a new target for his temper tantrums: ESPN’s Ed Werder.

• Some Flyers float in to have some fun at a Philly frat party.

• The Arena League season, which was off, then on, is now off again.

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