SHULA: PATS’ PERFECT RECORD SHOULD HAVE AN ASTERISK Rather than scare out anything interestingly current, Gary Myers of the NEW YORK DAILY NEWS rouses the NFL’s most famous assisted-livers, the 1972 Dolphins, for a throwaway column featuring an embarrassingly embittered Don Shula.

Shula tells Myers that because of the Patriots’ illegal video activity record by the NFL earlier this season, if New England goes undefeated there should be an asterisk affixed to the mark.

The Steakhouse: “I guess you got the same thing as putting an asterisk by Barry Bonds’ home run record. I guess it will be noted that the Patriots were fined and a No.1 draft choice was taken away during that year of accomplishment.”

If the Patriots’ offense was so serious, serious enough to note it in the final NFL record book, then why wasn’t Bill Belichick suspended for one single second of NFL play?And unlike the Bonds’ affair, which still has more legs to it than Beyonce, the league has since closed the book on the investigation of the Patriots *nefarious* activities.

BONDS WILL BID BYE-BYE TO HALL IF BRANDED BALL IS IN: If Barry Bonds’ home run record ball goes into the Hall of Fame with an asterisk, he’s not going in with it:

Bonds told Jim Gray in an MSNBC interview that he’ll cancel his Cooperstown trip if his 756th home run ball gets accepted with the branded mark:”I will never be in the Hall of Fame….That’s my emotions now, that’s how I feel now. When I decide to retire five years from now, we’ll see where they are at that moment.”

Right now, the ball is in the hands of fashion designer Marc Ecko. After conducting an Internet poll to determine it’s fate, most fans chose to put an asterisk on the ball, instead of leaving it unmarked or sending it into space.

Ecko plans on donating the ball to the Hall of Fame - which will be a nice tax break for him - while the Cooperstown committee decides what to do. They can display it, seal it in their archives, or figure out some other action.Bonds won’t be eligible until 5 years after his retirement. And although his services are no longer wanted by the Giants, Barry still plans to play elsewhere.

By the time his induction does roll around, he’ll probably be so pumped up he won’t fit through the Hall doors.