Arkansas State, despite sounding fictional, is not only a real school, but one with a I-A football program and everything. If you already knew they were called the Red Wolves, you are either A) an alumnus or B) a liar.

(Is Red Wolf crying, or just really poorly drawn? Honestly can’t tell here.)

Paul Stephens is a former Red Wolf (Wolf? Wolve? If Toronto’s the Maple Leafs, ASU should be Red Wolfs). Before this weekend, though, his status had yet to be so severely downgraded from “starting” to “former.” But he had to rob a man, you see, just had to, consequences be damned. And as it turns out, footballl’s the least of his concerns now.

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In the Arkansas town of Jonesboro, Hoppy Hoffman runs a little store called The Design Shoppe, which proudly serves the needs of the Arkansas State University community. And as a fan of the ASU Red Wolves himself, Hoppy runs a special sale on Mondays after each home football game - 1% off all merchandise for every point the Red Wolves win by.

Well, the Red Wolves players must have wanted some really cheap t-shirts & tchotchkes very badly, as they took it to Texas Southern in an 83-10 rout on Saturday.

Do the math, and it adds up to a 73% discount. Hoppy’s bookkeepers are undoubtedly going bonkers.
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