Hottie Who Owned Apolo Ohno: Suited and Booted

Apolo Ohno is like your driver license. Every four years there’s a renewal process that doesn’t take nearly as long as you thought.

Apolo Ohno Girlfriend Photos Allison Baver Photos

As Ohno’s quadrennial fame is fleeting these three weeks, I thought it noteworthy to explore what seems to matter most to NBCOlympics (no space) viewers: His girlfriend.

Apolo Ohno Girlfriend Photos Allison Baver Photos

Ohno’s longtime lover was Allison Baver, also a speedskater competing in the Vancouver Olympics. Though NBC’s Philly affiliate reports that Baver dumped Ohno: “In the last year or so Allison ended her relationship with Apolo so that she could focus on her skating.”

Apolo Ohno Girlfriend Photos Allison Baver Photos

But from the tone of the NBC piece, it’s pretty apparent that the fate of the relationship is still in question: “So what’s now for Allison? Will she get back together with Apolo? Will she turn to modeling full time? Will she keep skating?”

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Stephen Colbert Sponsors US Speed Skating Team

One of the less visible consequences of the global financial crisis that the political party you hate is solely responsible for is the plight of those teams and athletes whose sponsorships dried up alongside the banks’ profit margins. The US speed skating team, in particular, was hard hit; they were due $300,000 from a Dutch bank (Why are the Netherlands trying to buy our athletes? Are Dutch people commies? DEVELOPING…), but when that bank went belly-up, the speed skaters were in need of a real American hero.

Stephen Colbert
(Tragically, the full suit would prove to be too unwieldy for competitive speed-skating. And the sword would melt the ice and nobody wants that.)

In steps one Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA, and the greatest nation of them all: Colbert Nation. In a how-did-we-not-see-this-coming move, Colbert announced on Monday that his show and its legions of followers would be sponsoring the team for this year’s Olympics, with logo placement on the uniform and everything. Well played, you bespectacled maniac.

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Helio Castroneves Now With Julianne Hough Dumps Fiancee Aliette Vazquez

HELIO HANGS UP ON FIANCEE FOR 19 YO DANCE PARTNER: The NEW YORK DAILY NEWS reports “Dancing With The Stars” winner Helio Castroneves has dumped his fiancee for his 19-year-old dance partner Julianne Hough *SHOCK*.

Helio Castroneves

Excerpt: “he canned his engagement to fiancée Aliette Vazquez. And on-set snitches are saying his closeness to dance partner Julianne Hough, 19, was a big part of the reason.

Helio Castroneves

Castroneves: “Aliette was only my girlfriend … maybe remotely a fiancee.

Julianne Hough

Hough has won the last two editions of the show (she also won as Apolo Anton Ohno’s partner), so Castroneves probably isn’t the first miner’s helmet flashing into the cavern. (via HOT CLICKS)

USA TODAY reports speedskater Apolo Anton Oh…

USA TODAY reports speedskater Apolo Anton Ohno, 1,500 meter Olympic gold medalist at the 2002 Winter Games, is "asking for security assurances before he decides to compete" at the Skating Union World Cup in South Korea in late November.

Ohno was awarded that gold medal after South Korean Dong-Sung Kim was disqualified for blocking him. A Korean newspaper called Ohno "the most hated man in South Korea."

"Most hated?" Apparently the South Koreans forgot about this war-mongering, a-hole north of the border: