Speed Read: Lakers Crush Magic, TV Execs Hearts

That sound you heard in New York last night were league officials and ABC executives quietly weeping into their gin and tonics while watching Game 1 of the NBA Finals. Because what they were watching was the one thing they didn’t need: a Los Angeles Lakers blowout. For the casual fan, the 100-75 drubbing of the Orlando Magic just confirmed what they already knew, that this series is a letdown after the hype of Kobe Bryant vs. LeBron James, and the Lakers are going to crush the upstart Magic.

Kobe Bryant

Sure, it was close…for a little over a quarter. The Magic did have a five-point lead early in the second quarter, and then the roof collapsed. This is what happens when a team that relies on three-point shooting has a sub-par shooting game (going 8-for-23 from beyond the arc). Without having to fear the Magic from the outside, the Lakers could double and triple-team Dwight Howard, a form of kryptonite that even Superman couldn’t overcome, going 1-for-6 and scoring just 12 points.

Dwight Howard

So while Howard struggled, Kobe was superb, scoring 40 points while coming close to a triple-double. He had 12 points in the second quarter as the Lakers established their dominance, and was able to create opportunities for Pau Gasol and the rest of his supporting cast. And with Phil Jackson being 43-0 in series where his team wins the opening game, Magic coach Stan Van Gundy has to be sweating through his Men’s Wearhouse coat.

But if the Magic need any inspiration, they only need to look to the Stanley Cup (assuming they get Versus in central Florida). Facing a 2-0 deficit against the defending champion Detroit Red Wings, the Pittsburgh Penguins have rallied to tie the series after a 4-2 win in Game 4. Which is especially impressive since they managed to turn an early lead into a 2-1 hole in the second period, which could have easily crippled a lesser team.

Pittsburgh Penguins

And in what can only be seen as a good sign for the Penguins, Sidney Crosby had his first goal of the series, while Evgeni Malkin added a goal and an assist. So now we basically have a best-of-three series starting tomorrow night in Detroit. While the Red Wings are still probably going to win the series, at least the Penguins have made it interesting.

Randy Johnson

Finally, let’s tip our hat to Randy Johnson, who became the first pitcher since Tom Seaver in 1985 to get his 300th victory in his first attempt thanks to the Giants’ 5-1 victory over the Nationals. Thank you for sparing us of the daily update on the ESPN crawl and live game updates ruining our PBA Tour broadcasts on Wednesday nights on ESPN2. The Giants are planning a pregame celebration before their next home game to congratulate Johnson on his 300 career wins - all four of them with San Francisco.

  • The French Open women’s singles final is set, with Dinara Safina and Svetlana Kuznetsova taking each other on in an all-Russian final. In terms of eye candy, this isn’t exactly the Maria Sharapova vs. Ana Ivanovic Australian Open final from last year.
  • Dinara Safina and Svetlana Kuznetsova

  • Calvin Borel isn’t just confident that he’s going to win the Belmont Stakes on Mine That Bird to win the jockey Triple Crown, he’s guaranteeing it. (At least that’s what we think he said with molasses-thick drawl.) If he does pull this off, does this mean he gets put out to stud?
  • LeBron, here’s your slap on the wrist: the NBA fines King James $25,000 for bailing on the post-game press conference after the Cavs’ Game 6 loss to the Magic in the Eastern Conference finals. Plus, you made David Stern cry. How does that feel, LeBron.
  • You want Dontrelle Willis to succeed in his comeback with the Tigers, but then something like this happens: in 2-1/3 innings against the Red Sox yesterday, Willis gave up five runs without allowing a hit, walking five and hitting a batter.
  • Just when you thought that it couldn’t get worse for the New York Mets than getting swept by the Pirates, it also turns out that Jose Reyes has a torn hamstring.
  • John Raines, a substitute teacher and athletic trainer at Sussex Central High in Delaware, has been arrested and charged with “inappropriately touching a student-athlete while treating her injury and threatening to prevent her from playing her sport when she tried to stop his advances.” Which is bad enough, but even worse when considering he’s the second faculty member arrested on sex crimes in the past two days and the third within a year.
  • Spencer Cruise, an all-state high school football player in Iowa, allegedly bodyslammed a cop who was busting up a party and then Tasered him with his own weapon.
  • Buffalo Bills owner Ralph Wilson has selected ESPN’s Chris Berman to introduce him before his induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame, and PRO FOOTBALL TALK wonders if that’s such a great idea. (Seriously, was Jim Kelly busy?)
  • Former Tulsa football player Neal Sweeney apparently got into a business dispute with the wrong person, as it ended up with him being shot dead at his fuel sales company. Police have arrested the person they believe is the triggerman, and hope this leads to further breaks in the case.
  • Maurice Neal, a linebacker for the Utah Utes, has been arrested in connection with a bar fight where he took out two men. Shouldn’t Utah be the last place that a bar fight should be happening?

Who is going to be the next 300 game winner in baseball?

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Nadal Stunned, Ivanovic Bounced At French Open

A few days ago, the WALL STREET JOURNAL ran an article contemplating the virtual impossibility of beating Rafael Nadal at the French Open, and you can understand why. He was chasing his record fifth-straight title at Roland Garros, where he had never lost a match. His career record on clay 150-5. At the French Open, Nadal was pretty much a one-man wrecking crew.

Rafael Nadal

But apparently, Robin Soderling doesn’t read the WALL STREET JOURNAL. Which isn’t that shocking, since he’s Swedish and all. But what the 23rd seed lacks in financial media acumen, he makes up for with a powerful serve, which was far more important today as he beat Nadal in four sets in what the NEW YORK TIMES is calling “one of the biggest upsets in the long history of tennis.”

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Balkan Blood Feud Boils Over At Australian Open

Hooligans: they aren’t just for soccer anymore! In what’s becoming a regular occurrence at the Australian Open, scores of ethnic Serbs and Croats have chosen a tennis match as the tableau to act out their anger in their centuries-old rivalry. The occasion on Friday was the third round match where Serbian Novak Djokovic beat Bosnian-born American Amer Delic. The SYDNEY HERALD SUN reports that at least 30 people were kicked out of Rod Laver Stadium, and one woman was knocked unconscious by a chair.

Tennis fans brawl at Australian Open

As you can imagine, alcohol was partially to blame. THE TIMES OF LONDON notes that the beer was flowing on the tennis grounds bright and early thanks to one of the tournament sponsors, always a guarantee to fuel bad blood. Let’s see: a bunch of drunken idiots hurling lawn chairs at each other until the cops show up to break it up? Sounds like every frat party I ever went to in college, except with the added bonus of racial strife and undercurrents of genocide.

Video of the melee after the jump:

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SbB Clever Caption Contest: Ana Makes Her Point

Hey, readers! It’s time for another sublime SbB Clever Caption Contest!

And we figure to start your weekend right by sharing a snapshot of SbB fave Ana Ivanovic, as she gets in a little practice before the Aussie Open:

Ana Ivanovic point

So, what could the slammin’ Serbian sweetie be pointing her finger at? Submit your suggestions into the comments section linked below. Winner will be announced in the end-of-the-day recap. And who knows - Ana just might peek in on the thread! (Provided she has excellent internet access Down Under. And she happens to be searching herself online.)

Anyway, good luck & good writing!

Week In Review: Granny Going After David Stern

Joel Przybilla got a $7,500 fine for his part in an NBA brawl. But Joel’s grandma doesn’t like that one bit - and she’s letting David Stern know it.

Joel Przybilla grandmother

Ana Ivanovic frolicking in the surf with Maria Sharapova’s dream date?

Jenn Sterger is still riding a Jet stream of attention from the media.

• We’ve discovered the best seats in tennis - and they are the property of Vitkoriya Kutuzova & Nicole Vaidisova.

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Teeing Off Can Totally Terrorize Your Eardrums

• A new study has revealed that hitting golf balls can make you go deaf.

Tiger Woods angry

At least Tiger Woods wouldn’t be bothered by photographers anymore.

• Speaking with ESPN’s Chris Mortensen is a privilege, not a right.

• Secret camera captures soccer club employee stealing over 2,000 jerseys for fun & profit.

• It wasn’t a good weekend to be a good basketball team.

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Ivanovic Shacking With Sharapova’s Sex Fantasy?

Ana Ivanovic’s life sure has been changing of late. First, she gets a serious boyfriend in Fernando Verdasco. Then we find out today that she’s fired her coach and looked subsequently shaky in an opening round match in Australia. (Maybe that pre-match marriage proposal had something to do with it.)

Ana Ivanovic

(Who wouldn’t go weeks without water for that?)

And now she’s seen one-on-one with golf hunk Adam Scott on the beaches of Brisvegas this week.

Ana Ivanovic Adam Scott Bikini Photo

Wonder how Maria Sharapova feels about that, considering she’s made it eminently clear in the past that she’d love a “night match” with the PGA Tour golfer. Read more…

Ana Ivanovic Getting In Shape For Her New Beau

• Nice to see Ana Ivanovic giving herself a good workout Down Under.

Ana Ivanovic Photo Workout Bra

• Just like an Iraqi journalist, Chris Webber takes aim at Charles Barkley by chucking a shoe at Chuck.

• With no chance at an NFL career, a former Iowa State RB sadly decides to jump to his death.

• What pumps you up for gametime? For 49er defensive standout Patrick Willis, it’s cold baths & Phil Collins.

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Ana Ivanovic Working It Out With Her New Boy Toy

Some new photos of Ana Ivanovic recently surfaced showing her working out in Australia in preparation for the upcoming matches Down Under.

Ana Ivanovic Photo Workout Bra

Yeah, those are some fleshy hindquarters (wait ’til you see the backside photo), but safe to say we’d like to be in the shoes of Ana’s new boy toy, Spanish tennis player Fernando Verdasco. The paparazzi recently spied Ivanovic visiting Verdasco’s family in Spain, and it looks like things are getting pretty serious.

Ana Ivanovic Fernando Verdasco Photos

This after the two only started dating in September. (Aww, puppy love!)

More photos and video after the jump. Read more…

Key To Ivanovic’s Heart? Don’t Gossip About Her

As everyone knows, the main cause of a ruined childhood isn’t divorce, or being beaten by bullies, or even drugs. It’s that horrible act known as “rumor-mongering”. Nothing hurts like having a bunch of people whispering behind your back, spreading lies about things like, say, the size of your genitals. Or something like that. Well, tennis beauty Ana Ivanovic wants that to stop! And when Ana Ivanovic speaks, we listen. Even if we don’t understand what she’s saying at all!

Ana Ivanovic

(ATTN blogger: Wanna a shot with Ana? Then stop blogging about her!)

Speaking to Serbian children as part of UNICEF’s “You Are Cool” campaign, Ivanovic is letting the youngsters know through online video (their medium of choice!) that gossiping is bad and whoever does it is a horrible monster.

The full video message, post-jump:

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