The American Idol-ization of MLB’s All-Star Voting

It’s that time of year when the teenage girl in the short shorts and platinum blonde smile holds out a handful and asks, “Would you like one?”

That’s right; it’s baseball’s annual answer to the PENTHOUSE Forum: the mostly fictional facade of MLB All-Star Game voting, where your vote counts increasingly less each year in a game that supposedly counts more than ever.

Carrie Underwood collectible card

That peppy young lass from the organization with the stack of ballots would like you to fill out a couple hundred or so at the ballpark and then she’ll give you a big reward. (In Arizona, the Diamondbacks whip out a team shop gift certificate. Your local franchise’s well-intentioned bribes may vary.) You don’t want to disappoint her, do you?

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Kim Kardashian Plays Some Football at the Beach

Kim Kardashian tosses the pigskin while showing some skin of her own:

Kim Kardashian beach football

Hilary Rhoda, the marvelous model in Mark Sanchez’s GQ photoshoot, is apparently dating the Jets QB.

• A lawyer who’s previously represented many Denver Broncos players is now defending those responsible in Darrent Williams’ shooting death.

Eric Naposki: From NFL linebacker to murderer of a millionaire.

• NASCAR suspends Carl Long for 12 races & fines his crew chief $200,000 for using an engine that was too big.

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MLS Goes American Idol: Seattle Fans Pick Player

It’s just the latest proof that the world of sports is nearing total apocalypse, but it’s a good one: the MLS’s newest team, the Seattle Sounders, are officially opening the team’s final roster spot to the whimsy of largely uneducated, online fans.

jorge flores chivas
(This guy was a reality TV hit, but can Seattle copy Chivas’ thunder?)

According to the soccer blog THE OFFSIDE, the Sounders will post a list of contenders for the team’s final spot on the web site KING5.COM, the local TV station that will be hosting the tryout. Note that the contest is being hosted by local media, not the team’s official web site. The trialists will have bios, “comments from evaluators” and videos on the web site. And of course they’ll have their photos, which greatly increases the possibility that, for the first time, an athlete could make a professional roster just because pre-teen web savvy girls think he’s cute.

It’s worth noting that the winner of the online vote isn’t guaranteed the roster spot, but rather is given one of four spots in the competition’s final tryout show, which will air after the Super Bowl. Still, with a professional contract on the line, getting even a one-in-four shot is huge, particularly given just how unreliable a one-time exhibition can be. After all, how else can we explain Frederic Weis?

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Lance Armstrong Does A Pretty Good Brett Favre

It appears the ante has been upped in the Attention-Hounding Semi-Retired Waffling Athletic Idol competition between geezers Lance Armstrong and Brett Favre.

Lance and Brett

(Joe Paterno called..he said it’s time to retire already)

Newly-unretired pedalslinger Armstrong admitted in a Tuesday interview that he is now unsure whether he will compete in next summer’s Tour de France.

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Bosworth Saves Lives; Marino Out of “Inside” Job

Dan Patrick & Keith Olbermann - together again, Sundays this fall on NBC!

Brian Bosworth is back in the news, and it’s for a noble deed indeed.

Brian Bosworth Seahawks helmet backward

• Those appearing on Showtime’s new version of “Inside the NFL”, please step forward. Whoa, not so fast, Dan Marino.

Chipper Jones apparently isn’t well known in “American Idol” circles.

Lou Holtz’s friendship with the dearly(?) departed Jesse Helms may have cost the coach his Arkansas job.

Jason Peter’s new book details a football life of drugs, hookers and attempted suicide - which makes for some great summer reading!

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Gregg Popovich Idle-Minded About American Idol

Sometimes we, as learned primates of the Internet, forget that not everything we see on the web is necessarily known by everyone. For example, RickRolling? It’s kind of mainstream, but soccer moms and construction workers may not be in the know. But we’d figure American Idol would be a household name, right?

Gregg Popovich vs. American Idol

Spurs coach Gregg Popovich, prior to San Antonio’s first game against the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Western finals, was asked about the Idol finale which was held across the street from the Staples Center, where Game 1 was taking place. The answer … may alarm you:

“Is that where they dance with each other?”

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Blog-Some: Spurs Only Score 5 In 1st Qtr., Yet Win

• SPORTS IN YOUR FACE is flummoxed as to how the Spurs can only score 5 points in the 1st quarter, yet still win Monday night.

San Antonio Spurs Atlanta Hawks

Answer: It’s easy when you’re playing against the Hawks.

• The TUCSON CITIZEN grounds out news that Ozzie Guillen would appreciate it if some of the bigger names in Arizona spring training would be bothered to take the 90 minute trip from Phoenix to Tucson.

• PRO FOOTBALL TALK notes that when it comes to Bryant McKinnie’s recent meltdown in Miami, Vikings coach Brad Childress doesn’t want to rock the boat.

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Ryan Seacrest Has (Had) Some Linebacker In Him

Thank goodness OUT SPORTS watches American Idol so we don’t have to. The gay sports website reports that during the show this week (what night is it on?) Ryan Seacrest showed off some of the moves he used to use on Merv Griffith that one might use on the football field.

Merv Griffith Ryan Seacrest

The reason? Apparently “a very large, sweet young woman by the name of Temptress Brown was featured. One of the things that made Temptress so unique is that she plays football. Middle linebacker.

In addition to getting down in a three-point stance, Seacrest said, “You come off the line of scrimmage. The linebacker has rush up the middle and go for the QB at times.

His assessment of the positon? Wrong, wrong and wrong. Not a big shocker, considering his previous claim of being a star high school football player.

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William Hung Sings At Washington-Cal Game

WILLIAM SINGS FOR U-DUB AS CAL GETS HUNG OUT TO DRY: It was bad enough the California Golden Bears got run down by Washington last weekend. But the Huskies had to pour salt in the woods by having William Hung sing the Berkeley boys to tears:

William Hung Washington-Cal game

BEARS NECESSITY croons out news of the famed “American Idol” off-key contestant showing up at Husky Stadium, to the enjoyment(?) of the football faithful.During his halftime performance, the former UC Berkeley student was decked out in Washington gear, and ended the show with a crowd-pleasing “Go Huskies!” (Pleasing the crowd that he finally finished.)

Surprisingly, it’s not the first audible appearance at an athletic event for Hung. In 2004, William brought his special talents to the Skydome, to lead Toronto Blue Jays fans in a lively rendition of “Take Me Out to The Ballgame”:

What’s more difficult for Jeff Tedford’s boys to stomach - dropping from 2nd in the nation to 7th in the Pac-10, or witnessing William extend his 15 minutes of fame?