One of the most jarring aspects of the Stanley Cup finals, other than the ease with which the Red Wings dispatched the Penguins on Sunday night to push the series to 3-2, has been NBC’s hardball with fans in Detroit and Pittsburgh. For the duration of the playoffs, both teams have been able to hold massive viewing parties in and outside their arenas. It was such a wonderful, organic expression of the communal nature of fandom that it was basically destined to be ruined by business in short order.

(Thousands of fans watching the game with each other? Nope, can’t have this!)

And lo, in stepped NBC, stopping the broadcasts. As HOCKEYBUZZ.COM reported, initially, they blamed the NHL, despite the NHL’s assertion that that was quite not the case. Then came the truth, that it was a business decisions (all the crappy ones are), and their “business is ratings driven.” CRAIN’S DETROIT BUSINESS has the, ahem, money quote:

A near-sellout of Joe Louis could shave a ratings point off the local television ratings measurement, and such ratings are used to establish advertising rates.

So to that, if the all-important ratings model can’t deal with 8-10 thousand people watching a show in one place on one screen, you know what? The ratings model is completely worthless.  Seriously. How can NBC or Nielsen not figure out what to do with a giant honking party of some of the most hardcore fans all watching one screen? Is that really a deal-breaker?

And if so, if they’re really curious as to what the ratings would look like if everyone stays home, away from the shared community aspect from which most of the value of a ticket to a game is derived, there’s a really easy answer to all of this. You ready? Dick Ebersol, you taking notes?

All NBC has to do is announce that in exchange for showing the game outside both arenas, attending fans have to fill out a simple, anonymous survey about where they would otherwise watch a game (their place or someone else’s), with how many people, and whatever other information the network needs to most closely approximate what ratings would look like. Use that and Nielsen data to extrapolate what the final ratings would be with that many eyes on a TV, and adjust. That’s it. Easy.

This is a rare, rare opportunity for the NHL and NBC. At no other point are they ever going to be able to get this kind of a free pool of television watchers from whom they can mine valuable demographic information. Forcing them back into their homes and away from a group of thousands of like-minded, passionate fans for the sake of moving a needle one or two points does the city, fanbase, and team a disservice. It’s so easy to work around. Figure it out.

Speaking of soccer [I thought we were talking about hockey. No, I’m dead certain of it.–ed.] [Shut up.–AJ] [You have problems.–ed.], UEFA just got a seismic news flash as Real Madrid, evidently furious at having seen FC Barca take the title, has bought the contract of Kaka from AC Milan. Too bad UEFA contract holder SETANTA SPORTS probably won’t survive to see him in the new kit.

(This is where we mention Kaka’s wife and fine whatever you’re all perverts.)

Kaka, a sensational striker from the one-word-name factory that is Brazil, will reportedly command a 6-year, $94 million contract. That’s enough to make it the most expensive in soccer’s history, barely beating out Zinedine Zidane’s 6-year, $65 million deal with Juventus from eight years ago. Meanwhile, David Beckham is running around for a crappy MLS team in Los Angeles for 30 cents on the dollar and going home to a bag of antlers with oversized sunglasses and the “I’m married, but still vain” haircut straight from Jon & Kate + 8. Sic transit gloria mundi: Glory is fleeting.

We mentioned Andrew Thomas Gallo, the man accused of killing Angels rookie Nick Adenhart and two others in a drunk driving collision, yesterday. Gallo pled not guilty to murder, drunk driving, and fleeing the scene of an accident charges yesterday. Great.

(No, nothing criminal led to this. No way.)

But as we (rightfully) focus on the three people killed far before their time, we should point out that one passenger in Adenhart’s car, 24-year-old Jon Wilhite, has, in fact, survived the crash that left him in critical condition (via the RIVERSIDE PRESS-ENTERPRISE). Wait, that doesn’t appropriately convey the gravity of what happened. He survived internal decapitation.

As MANOLITH explains, internal decapitation, which is exactly as horrifying and life-threatening as it sounds, happens when the skull detaches from the spinal column. It’s usually fatal. Wilhite somehow survived without total paralysis, which is unbelievably rare, and he’s now in rehab with the help of several major leaguers. He’s got a long way to go, but he’s on the right track.

Since we need to get back on a higher note, here are some more links to consider while you’re riding in a cab with former Beach Boy Brian Wilson:

• WELCOME TO LOUD CITY makes the case: Nick Collison needs an afro. You absolutely cannot deny this.

(Yes.)

• Headline win of the day: THE NATION’s How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Lakers. The article’s good too.
• NBC WASHINGTON wants to know, is Laron Landry even still alive?
• Steve Nash will report on the NBA Finals for David Letterman. Hey Steve… you got any gum?
• Thanks to the sports media’s ludicrous east coast bias, GASLAMP BALL is the only site to notice THE ONION’s satirical piece on NL home run leader Adrian Gonzalez’s anonymity doesn’t even have the right picture of him in an article about said east coast bias. Intentional? Maybe. It’s fitting either way.
• This is Dahntay Jones, Chris “Birdman” Andersen, Grant Hill, and Amar’e Stoudemire playing “The Team Mating Game” on JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE. Big ups to BALL DON’T LIE for finding the video, and yes, you are watching this with rapt attention. Don’t lie and say you’re not; yes, you are.

• David Ortiz’s stupid excuse to blame his eyes on his slump didn’t work; they’re fine. Is Rafael Nadal going down the same road with his knees?
• John Daly can’t qualify for the US Open. Well then, how “open” is it, jackbags? FREE JOHN DALY!
• The DALLAS MORNING NEWS says the Texas Rangers will be without the services of 2008 Home Run Derby darling Josh Hamilton for 4-6 weeks following surgery for a partial tear in his abdominal muscles. We really, really don’t recommend getting him on Vicodin.
• The Twins’ Justin Morneau is the polar opposite of a good blogger, says MOUTHPIECE SPORTS.
• And finally, the Oakland Raiders have spent a metric buttload of high-level draft picks on skill players, but is their best move in the return to relevance the signing of 16-year free agent fullback Lorenzo Neal? FANTASYPROS911.COM thinks so.

The Los Angeles Clippers won the most favored martyr award last night in the NBA Draft Lottery and, with it, the top pick in the 2009 NBA Draft next month (likely to be Blake Griffin). The Memphis Grizzlies and Oklahoma City Thunder now follow, leaving the Grizzlies to pretend Mike Conley, Jr. is the answer to anything but “Name one theoretically famous Junior” and draft Hasheem Thabeet.

Oklahoma City, your Ricky Rubio awaits. (Ricky will love the fried bologna sammich at Toby Keith’s I Love This Restaurant a block away from the arena.) A staff containing Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, Jeff Green, Rubio, and your dear departed grandmother should be capable of 50 wins in two years. If you find it less ghoulish, we’ll refer to your passed loved one as Nenad Krstic. Same mobility, anyway.

(By the way, please send your love to Sacramento tonight as they had the league’s worst record and washed out with the fourth pick.  And you thought living in Sacramento was punishment enough.)

Your intrepid correspondent pulled into a local sports bar in the Phoenix area just thirty minutes before the NBA Draft Lottery truly started (which was, of course, thirty minutes after it officially kicked off).  That will be the best way to take the pulse of the community regarding the first lottery draft pick for the Phoenix Suns likely to play for the team since Amare Stoudemire, your correspondent said to himself rather self-consciously.

It can be officially reported that the patient is dead; there was no pulse in the greater Phoenix community regarding the draft lottery.  The normally-popular bar was half-empty and the televisions kept being turned from the NBA lottery to practically any other sport.  In fact, the only person to keep half an eye on the proceedings was Dan Majerle’s brother.

Surely, much of the passivity came from having such a slim chance at a top-three pick, but the collected crowd seemed much more interested in the Western Conference Finals for the NBA and NHL.  They chose wisely as the Denver Nuggets couldn’t hold their late lead  against the Los Angeles Lakers and therefore provided another thrilling finish, a 105-103 Lakers victory to kick off the NBA edition of the Western Conference Finals.

Also, game 2 of the NHL edition ended in the first overtime with a 3-2 Detroit Red Wings victory over the Chicago Blackhawks to extend the series lead to 2-0. The ‘Hawks could not stop giving up the puck in the most exposed fashion possible, leading to two breakaway goals, including the three-on-one clincher.  You’d think a battle between a dinosaur and a human would turn out differently.

(The bar didn’t care for that result; Arizonans are either transplanted Colorado residents or former Illinoisans.  No love lost for Detroit from either quarter.)

On the other hand, the true locals were left to stew yesterday over news that a federal bankruptcy judge couldn’t bring the NHL or the former and future owners of the Phoenix Coyotes together on a deal regarding the sale of the team and a possible move back to Canada. Instead, he sent both sides into mediation and told them to hash it out themselves.

Of course, the NHL couldn’t resist putting gun to skate during yesterday’s proceedings.  For starters, the lawyer for the city of Glendale, AZ, had to admit that he’s never been to a Coyotes game.  Then the judge said late in the day, “The NHL is like a dog chasing a car. The question is, ‘What do you do if you catch it?’”  Bury it in Arizona, perhaps?

The relocation hearing in late June won’t answer the question, either; multiple rounds of appeals will surely follow if all sides can’t talk it out.  It all adds up to at least a month of indecision, misdirection, and public proclamations.  It’s not unlike the buildup to the NBA Draft, really.

When Arizonans aren’t paying attention to hockey mirages or 14th picks or UFOs in 2009, they might be taking in this hail of bullet points:

• Your Dancing with the Stars winner is Olympic gymnastics gold medalist Shawn Johnson, who will celebrate with her favorite taco popper.

• Congratulations to John Smoltz on his recent marriage! Hopefully, he had a favorable justice of the peace that let him have all the outside calls on sickness versus health and the like.
• Also, congratulations to USC on its men’s tennis title.  Your Yahoo! Sports investigation is in the mail.
• What’s more disappointing: Tennessee coach Lane Kiffin’s secondary violation for mentioning a high schooler’s name in his Twitter account or the school’s admission that Kiffin didn’t make the error because one of Kiffin’s personal assistants wrote the entry, meaning that it’s not really his Twitter account at all?
• If you’re a gay man in Turkey, you can pretty much give up on your dreams of a military career and of ever becoming a soccer referee.
• The new emissions standards/fuel efficiency law announced yesterday may not have ever happened if it wasn’t for a back stall in a Nationals Park washroom.
• College athletics are tax-exempt (even basketball and football) and the NCAA may have muddled the waters enough to make it incredibly difficult to change that.
• Seriously, Lane Kiffin has multiple personal assistants and we can’t find a way to tax that program?
• Todd Helton has his 2,000th hit.  No, really… this time, we mean it.
• It’s also been over 2,000 days since Michigan beat Ohio State.  Guess who rented a billboard in Ann Arbor to remind Michigan students of that fact?

Basketball: it’s a beautiful game. Or fantastically ugly, depending on which game you watched last night. On one hand, you had the Phoenix Suns putting up 140 points for the second straight game in their 142-119 victory over the depleted Los Angeles Clippers. On the other, there was Penn State and Illinois, who combined scored exactly one-half as many points as the Suns did in the Nittany Lions’ 38-33 upset victory over the Fighting Illini.

Let’s talk about the latter game first. It wasn’t the lowest scoring game since the 45-second shot clock was introduced in 1986, but it was close. (That distinction belongs to Monmouth’s 41-21 win over Princeton in 2006.) They also flirted with the record for fewest combined points in a half, with the two team’s output of 32 just eclipsing the record of 28 set by Mississippi and South Carolina back in 2003.

The box score tells you all you need to know about the debacle. Exactly one player scored in double digits: Penn State’s Talor Battle, who put up 11 points on 3-for-11 shooting. Heck, the Nittany Lions as a team shot 28.3 percent from the field, and they won.

At least the two teams didn’t let a little thing like not being able to hit the broadside of a barn stop them from shooting the deep ball: they combined to go 6-for-33 from the three-point line. And Illinois didn’t attempt a free throw. For the game. Way to be aggressive, guys. But I guess a win’s a win, even if it’s the most embarrassing and pathetic kind possible. Congratulations, Penn State, I guess.

And then there are the Suns. You’ll excuse me if I don’t get too excited by the sudden return of the high-scoring, fast-paced, exciting Suns with Alvin Gentry as head coach after putting a hurting on the Clippers on back-to-back nights. First off, it’s the Clippers to begin with, but if a team with Amare Stoudemire (for now) can’t murder a team that’s missing Chris Kaman, Marcus Camby, Brian Skinner and Zach Randolph, then something is seriously wrong.

Check back with me on Sunday after you guys visit Boston, and we’ll see how you’re doing.

But the Suns have a date with Oklahoma City before then on Friday, which will be without newly-acquired Tyson Chandler. Permanently. That’s because the Thunder rescinded their trade with New Orleans from Tuesday and sent Chandler back to the Hornets after he failed a physical with their team doctor.

As TRUEHOOP notes, it’s probably going to be pretty awkward in New Orleans as Chandler has to return to the team that just unloaded him for Joe Smith and Chris Wilcox. (By the way, is Joe Smith involved with every strange trade or free agent signing in the NBA?) What makes things even more odd is that Chandler didn’t fail the physical because of his sprained left ankle - it was because of a big toe injury he suffered in 2007. And the Thunder’s doctor was the one who performed the surgery.

And speaking of injuries…Ken Griffey Jr. is back with the Mariners! All joking aside, I think most people of my generation will think it’s pretty neat to see Junior back in a Mariners uniform (presumably) for the rest of his career. And the story of his signing with the Mariners is unique; the SEATTLE TIMES says that apparently the No. 1 salesman for Seattle was Harold Reynolds, a close friend of Griffey’s. He had been working on Griffey to sell him on the move to Seattle when he played his trump card: hugging Willie Mays.

Reynolds set up a phone call between Griffey and the Say Hey Kid, who was Griffey’s idol and the reason he wears No. 24. And sure enough, soon after having the phone conversation with Mays, Griffey told the Mariners that he would sign with them. A great story, although I’m not sure I’d take advice from Willie Mays on how to end your career gracefully.

More sports stories to learn about as you ponder if anyone’s life could be stranger than Tracy Morgan’s…

• Australian swimming star Stephanie Rice tells the BRISBANE (AUSTRALIA) COURIER MAIL that despite reports to the contrary, she’s not a wild party girl.  I can’t imagine how people would have gotten that idea. Seriously. Right? (Although it doesn’t help when the story says that “we can expect to see a lot more of Steph eating the white stuff,” even if it is in reference to a commercial for SunRice.



• Remember how Tracy McGrady told Stephen A. Smith of ESPN that he was having knee surgery and would be done for the season? The HOUSTON CHRONICLE says that it turns out the Rockets aren’t to pleased about that.
• NEWSDAY has video of the final piece of Shea Stadium crashing to the ground. I shudder to think how many rats, mice and other vermin were killed during the stadium’s demolition.
• Our long national nightmare is over: the SACRAMENTO BEE reports that Lance Armstrong’s time trial bicycle has been returned by an anonymous person to the Sacramento Police Department. This is why it pays to spend the extra $10 on a nice thick bike lock instead of a flimsy chain, Lance.
• THE WORLD has details Wendi Boutiette, the track & field coach at Coquille High School in Southern Oregon, who is accused of having multiple sexual relationships with underage boys.
• USA TODAY has word on the latest female to take a crack at NASCAR: meet Gabi DiCarlo, who will be racing in the Camping World Truck Series this season. And she has some credentials: she finished in the top 15 of the ARCA series the past two seasons.



• It could be the end of an era in Indianapolis: Adam Schefter of the NFL NETWORK is reporting that the Colts will cut Marvin Harrison before the start of the 2009 season.
• Jacksonville Jaguars safety Gerald Sensabaugh was arrested in Kingsport, Tennessee for having a suspended license. But the BRISTOL HERALD COURIER says that police let him finish getting his haircut before they arrested him.
• Blooomberg says disgraced investment banker Sir Allen Stanford’s “massive ongoing fraud” could cost professional sports more than $100 million and impact stars such as Vijay Singh and Michael Owen.
• The NATIONAL POST reports that the Phoenix Coyotes’ owner claims to be receiving “expressions of interest from potential investors” as the team tries to save itself from total financial collapse.

(Ed. note: The party’s in full swing in Phoenix and SbB correspondent Tuffy reports from a busy Friday night at the NBA All-Star festivities.)

It’s damned near impossible to see it all at the NBA All-Star weekend.  Between the varying levels of privilege (catered All-Star tipoff party projecting the TNT feed onto the side of the Arizona Science Center? Off-limits.  Nash’s party? Riiiight… and so on) and the sheer number of activities, you’d need the whole ShamWow kit to absorb all the action in Phoenix this weekend.

That’s despite a drop in sponsor involvement this year (though don’t tell that to T-Mobile; they’ve got everything from the side of the Bank of America Building to free bike-driven rides to T-Mobile subscribers) and an uneasy feeling that this might be the last weekend Phoenix sees its former prodigal Sun.

And now a few words on HORSE-not-HORSE, Kevin Durant’s rookie hazing, and why 3800 kids ordered the Corbin Bleu last night at the Rookie-Sophomore game…
Read more…

Amar’e Stoudemire is on the trading block. Everyone knows it, and even the Grizzlies have dangled trade proposals to the Suns in an attempt to get one of the game’s brightest young big men. Everyone seems to assume he’s being traded because Phoenix has massively underperformed on the court. But what if that’s not the case? What if he’s being traded just so Phoenix owner Robert Sarver can save some cash?

(Maybe Sarver could save some cash by cutting back on giant foam fingers?)

Believe it or not, this post on THE ON DECK CIRCLE paints a compelling picture for why that might be the case. Sarver, who was universally recognized as one of the NBA’s cheapest owners already, has lost $253 million in his real estate and home building companies. That’s why the team is reportedly looking to drop $40 million+ in salary as soon as humanly possible, and Stoudemire would be a good start.

Read more…

I knew that Manu Ginobili’s injury would lead to a few more scoring opportunities for Tony Parker this year. But I don’t think anyone thought he’d be putting up 55, even if it was on the T-Wolves. The Spurs needed all of those points too, as they struggled to get by Minnesota 129-125 in double OT.

Parker’s big night overshadowed Amare Stoudemire’s 49-point performance in Phoenix’  113-103 win over Indiana. He became the first player in 34 years to have at least 49 points, 10 rebounds, 5 assists, and 5 steals in a single game. He was 17-of-21 from the field. LeBron James was the third member of the 40-point club on Wednesday, putting up 41 in a 107-93 win over Chicago after showing up to the arena in a Barack Obama t-shirt. This guy who was at the game also likes Obama, and links him to another national symbol of change (remember when Derek Anderson was popular?):

Ball State got to showcase its football program on national TV for the first time this season last night, pounding Northern Illinois 45-14 to go to 9-0 on the season. The Cardinals are 17th in the BCS standings right now, with three fellow BCS-busters standing in their way (Boise State, Utah, and TCU). But should the others falter and the Cards find their way into the top 12, they could still potentially get into a BCS game. They got a big lift from injured receiver Dante Love (pictured below), who was with the team for the first time since his career-ending spinal inury and took part in the coin toss. Even if the Cards miss out on the BCS party, this has been a season of unprecedented success for the school in Muncie, Indiana.

Now, moving on to football teams that are having the exact opposite of unprecedented success, the Raiders have decided the key to turning things around is to cut a guy they just signed to a seven-year, $70 million contract after eight games. DeAngelo Hall won’t be getting anywhere near that much money from the team due to the nature of NFL contracts, but Al Davis did have to give up second and fifth-round draft picks to acquire him from the Falcons. The SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS’ Tim Kawakami has had a hate-hate relationship going on all year with the Raiders, and he runs with yet another opportunity to unload on Davis.

• So, that Patriots cheerleader who was booted from the team for allegedly anti-Semitically marking a friend with a sharpie? She told TMZ last night that she’s not the one who drew on him, and that being a “passed-out drunk guy with a bunch of stuff written on him” was actually his Halloween costume. She also says she didn’t see any of the offensive things drawn on him. She’s still apparently out of a job, but I’m sure she’ll have a real tough time finding new employment if she walks around wearing this:

• A 13-year-old Chelsea soccer fan was tragically killed in Rome on Monday when a tree fell on him during a thunderstorm on his way to a Champions League match, according to the DAILY MAIL. He was supposed to die in a violent clash with Milan fans when he was 34, not like this.

• The Sex Cannon may be returning to the bench as soon as this weekend. PRO FOOTBALL TALK reports that Kyle Orton thinks he might be able to play this weekend against the undefeated Titans.

• ESPN 1360 in Cincinnati quotes Carson Palmer as saying that he’s “slowly getting closer” to making a decision about whether or not he’ll play again this year. He thinks it should take him about eight more weeks. He’ll definitely know by then.

• Jason Varitek had a horrible year at the plate and will be 37 in April. So, naturally, Scott Boras is asking for somewhere in the neighborhood of four years and $50 million for his services. FANHOUSE says the Sox are unlikely to offer anything close to that (wisely), and may have to part ways with their team captain.

• CBS4 in Denver says the Broncos took a day off from talking trash to reflect on the Obama election. Brandon Marshall manages to not call out Obama for his dancing style.

• Florida sophomore point guard Jai Lucas has decided to transfer, just as the season is about to get underway. Lucas, the son of ex-NBAer John Lucas, was the starter last season for the Gators and was expected to have the same role this year.

• Buried in this Ken Rosenthal piece about the baseball offseason is how the ludicrous four-year, $48 million deal Carlos Silva signed with the Mariners last year will haunt teams in negotiations this winter. Basically, any starting pitcher who can throw the ball over the plate without dying will want at least that much, since Silva’s basically the worst possible guy you can have on the mound to start a baseball game. Oliver Freaking Perez is going to end up getting $15 million a year because of this.

• This may be stretching it a bit, but baseball and softball officials believe that the election of Barack Obama might help get the two sports back into the Olympics in the future. Reps for both sports say that “anti-Americanism” was a factor in being voted out of the 2012 London games, according to ESPN.

• RAISE THE JOLLY ROGER is ecstatic that Nate McLouth won a Gold Glove. I mean, the words “Pirates” and “award” don’t usually appear in the same paragraph. But then comes the realization that by most fielding metrics, McLouth was one of the worst outfielders in all of baseball this year.

• And finally, it’s not that impressive that a jogger in Prescott, Arizona jogger ran a mile. It is impressive, however, that she ran a mile with the jaws of a rabid fox attached to her arm.

Seeing as I love watching NBA basketball and occasionally patronizing Fatburger after 3am, I must say I’m going to miss seeing and hearing The Big Judas when he finally calls it quits on his teammates like in Miami last season.

(This is in no way a portrayal of Shaquille O’Neal yes it is)

Goodness knows the world would be a much more boring place if it wasn’t for Shaq’s post-practice comments today out of Phoenix. The comments in which The Big Deceiver called 4-time NBA Champion Spurs Coach Gregg Popovich a “coward.” Oh yeah, he also called out his teammates in the same sitting for blowing defensive assignments in the club’s playoff loss to the Spurs last year - since of course, he deserved none of the blame.

Transcript of his comments and audio link after the jump. Read more…

Phoenix GM Steve Kerr is trying to squash rumors that Mike D’Antoni is already on his way out as Suns head coach.

Paul Coro of the ARIZONA REPUBLIC reports that Mike & the management plan to meet before the weekend to discuss the Suns’ situation. Steve spoke out about the D’Antoni dilemma after hearing the coach was reportedly already removed: Read more…