Jay Glazer Will Not Suffer ESPN’s Mockery Gladly

Jay Glazer will not be bullied by the Boys from Bristol. In fact, the Fox Sports reporter declares, I wouldn’t mind punching one of these guys!”

Jay Glazer

• Wonder if Don Ohlmeyer will mention this in his next ESPN ombudsman column.

• The Knicks’ Nate Robinson Tweets about his recent arrest as it happens!

• For finally signing Stephen Strasburg, the Nationals show their gratitude toward interim GM Mike Rizzo by giving him his walking papers.

• Who would you rather name your new high school after - Alonzo Mourning or Janet Reno?

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Death Match ‘09: Alonzo Mourning Vs. Janet Reno

Alonzo Mourning had a long and distinguished career as a basketball player, it’s true. He was a 7-time All-Star, an NBA champion, and has an Olympic gold medal. He’s good. But in our minds there will always be two and only two things that we think of when someone says the name Alonzo Mourning: The fact he played basketball after getting a new kidney (that takes some guts), and, well, this:

Charles Oakley Alonzo Mourning Jeff Van Gundy

Between those two things, he’s always seemed like more of a caricature than a living, breathing basketball-playing human being. It’s not that we don’t take him seriously as a player, it’s just … well, those are the things that come to mind. So hearing that Miami-Dade County, Florida is planning on naming a freakin’ high school after the guy came, as you might imagine, as a slight surprise. Especially when it’s coming at the expense of the nation’s first female Attorney General, Janet Reno.

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These Men Want To Give You Foreclosure Advice

When I’m not beefing up my financial portfolio with Lenny Dykstra, you can usually find me seeking foreclosure advice from that paragon of business acumen, Dwyane Wade, and his business partner Alonzo Mourning. The former Miami Heat teammates have combined their forces to add heft to a nonprofit government effort to promote awareness of free foreclosure assistance. Hmm, is this wise?

Alonzo Mourning, Dwyane Wade

It’s a good cause to be sure; the financial meltdown has caused a real crisis in the housing industry, especially in South Florida, where many people have lost their homes due to financial scams or confusion over the way housing laws work. Nonprofits such as the HOPE NOW Alliance have organized a bus tour to help raise awareness of government services that would help homeowners renegotiate the terms of their loans. And Wade and Mourning have lent their celebrity to the cause. Read more…

Porn People Want To Place Ads on Texans Jerseys

• In lieu of a new NFL rule, an adult film company makes an offer to place its ads on the Houston Texans’ practice jerseys.

Andre Johnson Crude Oil porno

• Despite some secretly-planted grass, the Red Sox still continue to spank the Yanks at Fenway.

Alonzo Mourning thinks Kobe is a better coach than Phil Jackson.

• Phillies slugger Raul Ibanez gets irate at a blogger for making steroid accusations, offers to show his hair, blood, urine, stool… you get the idea.

• Ex-NFL bust Ryan Leaf is on the run from the law over his drug charges.

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Alonzo Mourning:Phil Jackson’s ‘Just Showing Up’

During the first three games of the NBA Finals, the first two games in particular, there was a lot of talk during the games about the way Kobe Bryant has been playing.  Kobe’s busted out a whole new face for these Finals, one that looks like a combination of a man who is incredibly determined to get the job done, and doing so while suffering from extreme constipation.  There have also been a lot of remarks about how Kobe has become a coach on the floor the way he’s chatting up teammates during stoppages and timeouts.

Well according to former NBA center Alonzo Mourning, the floor may not be the only place Kobe is doing his coaching.  Mourning was part of a teleconference with Shane Battier and Wally Szczerbiak for the American Century Celebrity Golf tournament on Wednesday when he questioned what exactly Phil Jackson’s role with the team is.  You know, since it’s obvious Kobe is doing everything on his own.

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“Mike & The Mad Dog” Radio Show Put To Sleep

Mike & The Mad Dog’s radio show is sent to live on a farm upstate.

Mike & The Mad Dog at Giants camp

Alonzo Mourning helps a Miami Heat fan celebrate her 102nd birthday.

• Some things never change, like John McEnroe’s time-honored tradition of throwing tennis tantrums.

Michael Wilbon sings for the faithful of the Friendly Confines, but is it a slap in the face to the fourth estate?

• China: Land of many diverse peoples, all played on the Olympic Opening Ceremonial stage by the same ethnic group.

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Love Of Firearms Brings Olympic Couple Together

There are plenty of story lines coming out of Beijing these days: racism, ageism, sour grapes and sex, just to name a few.

Matt and Katerina Emmons

But the Olympics aren’t just about scandals and bellyaching; it’s also about love. Or something. Katerina and Matt Emmons are Olympic shooters who met during the Summer Games in Athens. Katerina, from the Czech Republic, won her first gold in Beijing in something called the 10 meter air rifle. Matt, an American, won a silver in the 50 meter rifle prone position. Apparently, he had a chance at two gold medals in Athens, but shot at the wrong target (hey, it happens).

As heartwarming as rifle-totin’ love birds might sound, it gets better. According to the indispensable FOURTH-PLACE MEDAL, the couple have become media darlings in Beijing:

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Mourning Helps Heat Fan Celebrate 102nd Birthday

Miami Heat center Alonzo Mourning sure seems like a swell dude. He’s been in the NBA since 1992, made a comeback after a kidney transplant in 2003, and according to WIKIPEDIA, he’s “traveled to various supermarket venues ready to autograph basketballs of many sick children.” (Mourning has also blown $25 grand supporting the Democratic Party in 2004. That hardly makes him swell, but it’s fun to think that he has that kind of dough to throw away.)

Alonzo Mourning, 102-year-old fan

His latest act of kindness includes visiting Sarah Wiseman, thought to be the galaxy’s oldest Heat fan. Wiseman, you see, just celebrated her 102nd birthday at the Miami Jewish Home and Hospital at Douglas Gardens, and Mourning made an appearance.

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Best B-Day Wishes For B-Ball Babe Claudia Porras

We enjoy getting the MAXIM-um fun out of NFL cheerleader photo shoots.

We wish a happy birthday to Bolivian basketball babe Claudia Porras!

Claudia Porras Photos

Manny Ramirez socks the Sox’s traveling secretary over ticket troubles.

• A conservative website runs news of sprinter Tyson Gay by referring to him as Tyson Homosexual.

• Spain’s Euro 2008 success was bad news for Madrid’s erotic film festival.

• Now that Charles Barkley is all paid up, who’s Steve Wynn to sue now? Answer: The NBA & Alonzo Mourning’s charity organization.

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Casino Sues NBA, ‘Zo Charity for Bill Repayment

Steve Wynn, owner of Wynn Las Vegas (among other casinos), has a lot of lawyers on retainer. Lawyers that don’t file aren’t working. Therefore, Steve Wynn’s lawyers file. A lot. Ask Charles Barkley.

Steve Wynn

(Then again, this type of work isn’t cheap; please don’t look directly into the teeth)

This week’s litigants? The NBA (via NBA Entertainment and NBA Properties) and Alonzo Mourning Charities. The former rented convention space and donated it to the latter to hold a fundraiser, according to Wynn’s lawyers. Unfortunately, no one got around to paying the $50,000 bill. Therefore, Wynn’s lawyers get to make themselves useful. Everyone wins!

(By which we mean, “rich people and their lawyers on retainer”.)

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