Screw Gatorade: Chocolate Milk’s Best for Athletes

The plague that continues to grip our nation, leaving our greatest athletes broken and beaten in its wake, has left its trademark calcium-based scar across the upper-lips of two more sports stars: Ana Ivanovic and Dwight Howard are your newest milk-mustachioed athletes.

Ana Ivanovic Got Milk

But wait, this isn’t your daddy’s boring old regular white milk. No, sirs and madams, this campaign is for the very special and tasty “chocolate milk” that can be used to help refuel and rehydrate after exercise, “making it an ideal post-exercise choice”.

Wait, what?

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Scalpers Making a Killing For Final Yankees Games

With the Yankees about as likely to make the playoffs as I am to have a night alone with Alexis Bledel - has their playoff odds at 0.9%, so there’s technically still a chance - there’s not going to be a drama-filled Joe Buck-announced closing to Yankees Stadium before the team packs up and moves across the street. In fact, unless the Yankees pull off a miracle, there are only 9 games left in the House That Ruth Built.

Scalper needs tickets

And since scalpers, the soulless incarnation of our purely capitalist society, are not ones to miss an opportunity, you know tickets are going to be pricey. But who would have thought that tickets are actually going for “100 times their face value!”

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