Thanks to their stable of veterans, I like the Yankees in 2010.

(Can Yankee-branded Quaker Oats be far behind?)

Epic ARod centaur animation courtesy LSU Freek @ THE SPORTING BLOG.

Much has been said and written about Alex Rodriguez’s mighty ego, but did we ever think that it would reach, literally, mythic proportions? In the greatest item I have read today, US WEEKLY tells us that a former Rodriguez girlfriend says that the Yankee had two portraits painted of himself as a centaur, and that they’re hanging over his bed. Enjoy that nightmare fuel, America.

As we know from our mythology, the centaur is a half-human, half-horse composition caught between the two natures, often pestering other gods such as Hercules. The ancient Greeks tell us that it was born when the god Centaurus mated with a horse. Yes, there’s a lot of that going around, even to this day. At least if you live in South Carolina. Read more…

Last night’s season-opening college football doubleheader on ESPN was a nightmare for fans everywhere. It started off with South Carolina’s dreadful 7-3 win over N.C. State, and wrapped up with a much-hyped matchup between Boise State and Oregon that quickly turned into a one-sided snoozefest. Things couldn’t have been more embarrassing for the Ducks, who didn’t even manage to get a first down until the 7:07 mark of the third quarter. Oh, wait, I guess it could get worse:

Yup, that’s Oregon running back/loose cannon LeGarrette Blount, saving the evening, entertainment-wise, by lighting up Boise State’s Byron Hout with a right cross as the teams left the field after Boise State’s 19-8 win that wasn’t really anywhere near that close. Blount, you see, had promised to give the Broncos an “ass whuppin’” in the weeks leading up to the game, and since he didn’t really deliver that while the clock was running (he had 8 carries for -5 yards) I guess he figured he might as well get a shot in afterward.

There have been some stunning falls from grace over the years, but 18 hours ago I was hearing HEISMAN PUNDIT touting Blount as a darkhorse Heisman candidate on the Dan Patrick Show. Even Boise’s paper was talking him up. Now, not only did Blount obliterate any of that talk with his game performance last night, but it appears as if he may have completely ruined his college career by losing his mind afterward. And, if you think the punch was bad, things got even uglier a few moments later. Video after the jump.

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• Is Ana Ivanovic gradually turning into Anna Kournikova, at least in terms of tennis winnability?

• WNBA star Candace Parker says she’s conscious of what she eats. But she won’t remain conscious for long by scarfing down some In ‘n’ Out.

• Irate Irish fans use billboard to complain about Charlie Weis.

• Could the Big Ten be bringing a bowl game to Yankee Stadium?

• A-Rod talks to teens about steroid abuse. Ironic or inspirational?

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Hunting Alex Rodriguez for sport has been America’s favorite pastime for nearly a decade; and I’ll admit, he often presents a tempting target. His fling with Madonna alone reaffirmed my belief in God’s raucous sense of humor. And then of course this was like stumbling on a vein of pure comedy gold.

But Blogland is all in a self-righteous uproar today over A-Rod’s visit to a Maryland high school to talk to the students about steroid use. The word “hypocrite” is being tossed back and forth across the Internets like a beach ball at a Dodgers game. And this time it’s not fair. Rent a ladder and get down from your four-story horses, people.

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I know you thought Thursday would never come, but it’s here. And yes, I told you that if you were good, I’d take you to the Cirque du Vick, that dramatic mix of circus arts and occasional football plays scheduled for tonight at Lincoln Financial Field. It’s Michael Vick’s return to the NFL, making this not just another exhibition game no one will watch, but must-see entertainment. Hey, I don’t make the rules. I just observe.

And there’s plenty of excitement in store, including a pro-Vick march and rally by the NAACP, possible disruption by PETA and other anti-Vick factions, and of course the always-reliable Philly fans themselves (hey, who threw that brick!?). Unfortunately, the ride depicted in the photo above left and in the video below will not be available. The guy in a Vick jersey riding a puppy is either a tragic coincidence, or an example of a man who majored in Irony and wants to put that degree to use for once.

The YouTube description says it was shot at an amusement park in Myrtle Beach, S.C., and that’s all I know about it. Except that what he’s doing is just wrong on so many levels. But it fits right in with the festivities here on Michael Vick Day, so climb aboard, kids! Just don’t let Steeler Poodle see you.

(Steeler Poodle sez: “Big Ben is innocent!”)

Eagles head coach Andy Reid has said that Vick will play with the first team at some point during the first three quarters tonight, but in what capacity and for how long is still shrouded in mystery. Andy, you sly minx. Presenting Vick tonight after only two weeks of practice serves no actual physical purpose, since he’ll be sitting out at least the first five games of the regular season. But by throwing him into the mix tonight you get the majority of the controversy out of the way early; like a first kiss. But beware, Mike; Philly fans like to slip in the tongue.

It’ll be Vick’s first appearance in an NFL game since Dec. 31, 2006; which was also at Lincoln Financial. And he’ll start today in federal bankruptcy court, which is always fun. Then it’s home to feed the dogs, and then on to the game. Yeah, it’s unknown if Vick has truly seen the light and is genuinely remorseful over his dog-killing past. But what we do know is that all the publicity surrounding his incarceration hasn’t helped dogs one bit. The Pennsylvania Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals has reported 400 investigations of dogfighting operations so far this year; almost twice as many as in all of 2008.

But in case any of you fans are actually interested in the game, please note that former Eagles three-time Pro Bowl left tackle Tra Thomas returns to Philadelphia for the first time since joining the Jaguars. And there may even be a Brian Westbrook sighting tonight, but don’t expect to see him for long. If you’re not a local, the game will be shown on NFL Network tonight at 11 p.m. (ET), and again on Friday at 4 p.m. (ET).

Meanwhile, at the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco, the MLB Players’ Union got a favorable ruling on the infamous 104-player PED list, and may soon have it back in hand where it will be carried forthwith to the nearest shredder.

A federal appeals court ruled Wednesday that agents had no right to seize baseball’s anonymous drug-testing results from 2003. The decision by the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals is a victory for the players’ union, which has argued for years to have the results of the 104 players who allegedly tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs in 2003 returned.

“This was an obvious case of deliberate overreaching by the government in an effort to seize data as to which it lacked probable cause,” Chief Judge Alex Kozinski wrote in the 9-2 decision.

The records, seized by government agents in April 2004 as part of the BALCO investigation into Barry Bonds, has been the subject of legal wrangling ever since. If the case doesn’t end up in the Supreme Court, the list will be returned to the players’ union, where it will presumably be destroyed. The court ruled that federal agents trampled on players’ protections against unreasonable searches and seizures in taking the list, which included Alex Rodriguez and David Ortiz, who were among those whose names were leaked.

The American Defenders of New Hampshire were supposed to play the New Jersey Jackals in a Can-Am pro baseball game on Tuesday, but there was one problem: They faced a lockout. But it isn’t the kind of lockout you’re used to hearing about; the City of Nashua locked the stadium because the team was behind in their rent. The Defenders — formerly known as the Nashua Pride — owe fire, police and rent bills totaling about $45,000 according to mayor Donnalee Lozeau. And to make sure the teams didn’t scale the fence and play the game anyway, Lozeau had city workers park a tractor over home plate. This is true. Fun fact: The Defenders team president is Dan Duquette, former general manager of the Boston Red Sox. They’re now on the road, but as of today, the stadium impasse has not been resolved.

Links to read while sharing Pop Tarts with your gorilla:

• So add the Napa, CA, Police to the list of organizations that are investigating the alleged fight between Raiders head coach Tom Cable and assistant Randy Hanson at the team’s training camp hotel in Napa. After first refusing to press charges, Hanson has apparently had a change of heart following injuries he suffered from Cable in a scuffle during a team meeting. The NFL is also investigating the incident. Cable, who said that nothing happened, had insisted that the matter would be handled “within the organization.” He appears to have blown that call.

• Above is a photo of a very toasted Billy Gillispie, who was arrested by Lawrenceburg, Kentucky, police early this morning for DUI. Yep, that’s the former Kentucky Wildcats basketball coach, who was fired in a contract dispute this past March and has since sued the university for breach of contract. Gillispie and a passenger were driving a white 2009 Mercedes with Texas tags around 2:45 a.m. on US 127 when someone reported seeing the car driving erratically. Gillispie was arrested and charged with DUI, and reportedly refused to take a breathalizer or blood alcohol test. Gillispie had also been arrested for DUI in Oklahoma in 1999.

• Allen Iverson may be a Grizzly before you know it. Memphis confirmed that they’ve made him an offer, but will AI go through with it? I can’t picture him in Memphis; it doesn’t seem like a good fit. Iverson touring Graceland is just too bizarre.

• So MLB Dispenser of Justice Bob Watson has decided that no suspensions will be handed down for the unrest between players and umpires during the Rockies’ 6-4, 14-inning win over the Giants on Monday. But while umpire Bill Miller and Colorado catcher Yorvit Torrealba won’t be suspended, Watson wouldn’t rule out the possibility that one or both would be fined.

• Not sure if this happened before or after David Ortiz’s walkoff home run gave the Red Sox a 3-2 win over the White Sox on Wednesday, but Boston released Brad Penny, who was 7-8. Penny, 1-6 over his past 11 starts, is working on the one-year, $5 million contract he signed during the offseason.

• In naming Shaun Hill as the team’s No. 1 quarterback on Tuesday, 49ers coach Mike Singletary praised him in the way that only Mike Singletary can. In other words, it’s our baffling NFL quote of the Year so far: “There’s nothing pretty about Shaun. Everything’s ugly: His drop … his release … all these things. But what’s beautiful about him is his heart. I want to go down with a guy like that.” Season tickets still available!

• Was watching Brad Cooper on “The Tonight Show” last night, and he almost revealed who will be taking up the Mr. T role in the new “A Team” movie that’s on the way to theaters (Cooper will play Faceman, with Liam Neeson as Hannibal). Cooper wouldn’t spill the other big role, but according to several sources, BA Baracus will be played by Rampage Jackson.

If there’s one thing I hate about the Little League World Series … well, there are a lot of things. But if there’s one thing I love about it, it’s when old Major Leaguers show up and tell the youngsters grouchy yarns about how things were better in the old days. Kids love that! You go, Jim Rice.

Rice was a featured speaker on opening day of the Little League World Series today, and instead of the generic gladhanding that one would expect from someone who was recruited by the staid, conservative Little League organization, Rice proceeded to tell the kids what’s wrong with the game today. Read more…

Are you serious, Minka Kelly? You’re going to get into a tussle with the crazy chick who starred in “Bride Wars”? Apparently there’s some sort of rift brewing between Alex Rodriguez’s celebrity starlet girlfriend, Kate Hudson, and Derek Jeter’s celebrity starlet girlfriend, the aforementioned Miss Kelly. Yankee wives are choosing sides, Page Six is snooping around … New York will be out of first place within the month!

It’s hard to know who to root against here. Hudson starred in “You, Me and Dupree” (minus 12 points), “Almost Famous” (plus 15 points) and “Fool’s Gold” (minus 1,000 points). Kelly has been in “Devil’s Highway,” (minus 10 points), “Friday Night Lights” (plus 15 points) and an episode of the Nickelodeon TV series “Drake & Josh” (minus 45,000 points). Knowing these facts makes me too ashamed to even do the math.

(More photos of the feuding females after the jump.)

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Sure, when Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson started dating (and we dutifully lowered ourselves to covering it), we figured it was a matter of “aw look at these kids and their affection” style dating. As most new relationships go, y’know.

(Kate, you’re looking womanly. That won’t work.)

Oh,  but this is a story about men and women in their 30s. Specifically, women, aged 30. And when it comes to relationships, there’s one thing they want: BABIES. So incredibly, Hudson has reportedly approached A-Rod about a pregnancy - but as what appears to be a business deal.

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Not even back on the football field, and already Michael Vick is winning awards. In a poll I can get behind (although I don’t completely agree with the choices), Vick was voted overwhelmingly as the most hated man in sports. Data was collected by E-Poll, an Encino, Calif.-based marketing research firm, and reported by FORBES MAGAZINE.

As you have deduced from our photos above, Manny Being Manny and Alex Rodriguez placed and showed, and the remainder of the 10-man field is, well, interesting. A couple of glaring omissions, and couple of WTFs? And don’t worry: Isiah Thomas is there. Read more…