L.A. Douses Adenhart Jersey In Celebratory Booze

It was a foregone conclusion for most of the month, but the Angels finally wrapped up their third straight AL West title last night, wiping out division contender Texas with a 11-0 shutout. It was a bittersweet moment for a team who have quietly established a near-stranglehold on the division, but who still misses a fellow player taken from them just six months ago.

Nick Adenhart Jersey Celebration

After their win but before the media showed up, manager Mike Scioscia addressed his team and reminded them - though they probably didn’t need it - that the win also belonged just as much to killed rookie pitcher Nick Adenhart as to the rest of them. To the Angels’ credit, they did exactly that. It’s just that pouring their beer and champagne on his jersey, all things considered, might be taken the wrong way.

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Bode Miller Putting Winery On His Farm. Well, Duh

As we all well know, a full 80% of SbB’s readership are dope boys and crack pushers [The previous statement is obviously false. The author went through a “rap phase” when he was 18 and every now and then, this type of stuff comes out. Our apologies.–ed], and as all pushers know, the NUMBER ONE RULE of dealing drugs is you don’t get high on your own supply. Everyone knows that.

Bode Miller with his wine
(Wine, fennel salt, and Megadeth. Sounds like all the ingredients for a helluva Tuesday.)

We get the feeling, though, that Bode Miller doesn’t have that discipline in mind. No, he’s not selling cocaine or anything like that, but considering his reputation as Mr. Party Boy (no, not him), his latest plans to start a winery seem a little transparent.

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Former Notre Dame QB Drunk And In Cuffs? No!

Another day, another former Notre Dame quarterback arrested for drunkenly brawling with police at a Triple-A baseball game. I don’t know how you spent your Saturday, but Blair Kiel spent his at an Indianapolis Indians game. Hilarity ensued.

Blair Kiel

It was a relaxing evening, except for the part where he got drunk, wrestled with his girlfriend, fought a security guard and took several swings at police before being arrested.

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Texans Solve Alcohol Abuse… With Smaller Cups

Perhaps it’s just that we’ve never had season tickets to pro football games, but we’ve never understood why people drink beer at them. Yes, it’s football and beer goes with football like you would not believe, but… it’s Sunday, man. Who drinks on a Sunday? Well, let’s rephrase that, otherwise the answer is “us” - who gets drunk on a Sunday?

Houston Texans Glass
(Awww, it looks so sad when it’s empty.)

Well, Houstonians do, it would appear, because Texans fans are up in flabby arms* over Reliant Stadium’s latest trick: quietly switching out last year’s 24 ounce cups of beer for newer, smaller, dare-we-say sexier 20 ounce versions. Hmm? Oh, they’re charging the exact same price? Oh, that’s not kosher.

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Enjoy A Mouthful Of John Elway’s Nude Cocktail

Alcohol marketing and sex have been, um, bedfellows for decades. It makes sense, seeing as how alcohol has spurred at least 88% of the nation’s pregnancies, according to figures we just made up. But generally, the marketing is geared toward men, since men are visual creatures. Ones who like boobies, usually.

Nude Vodka
(This vodka may taste like unleaded gasoline, but if you’re looking at the bottle, you probably won’t notice or care.)

So it makes sense, then, that one alcohol company - the particularly unsubtle “Nude Spirits,” as you can probably tell, has hired an athlete to help push their product into you. Not sexually, just by way of ingestion. Pervert. So who’s going to be ramming the cocktail down your throat until your gag reflex gives out? John Elway, ladies and gentlemen!

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Phillies Fan KO’ed With Single Punch At Citi Field

Maybe they’ve technically been playing baseball there for a month, but Citi Field finally opened officially last night. Remember, it’s not officially Spring until the first Phillies fan gets knocked out with an overhand right.

Mets Phillies fans fight

This is the second one-punch knockout we’ve featured this week, which just goes to show you the Northeast has cornered the market on boozing meatheads. And there’s something in this video for you even if you’re not a fan of either team: the two fanbases are slowly removing themselves from the gene pool, drunken brawl by drunken brawl.

Video (with NSFW language) after the jump.

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Booze, Rude Gestures Lead To Scots’ Lifetime Ban

The age-old question has finally been answered. How much do you have to drink to get kicked off the Scottish national team?

Barry Ferguson and Allan McGregor

Barry Ferguson and Allan McGregor began their celebration consolation for beating losing to the Netherlands in World Cup qualifying by hitting the bottle beginning at 4 a.m. last Sunday. They didn’t stop the boozing until lunchtime.

And when benched for this week’s match against Iceland, the duo responded contritely and maturely, as seen above. As a result, their careers in top level soccer are all but over. MLS, here they come!

Bonus WAG pics, after the jump.

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LA Dodger Fans Are Developing A Bad Reputation

Stereotypes are a part of society that we’re never going to get rid of. Some of them are more deserved than others, but the vast majority of them are based on ignorance. Of course, stereotypes aren’t just limited to race, ethnicity, or a person’s culture. A lot of times a person will make a judgment on what type of person somebody is based solely on which sports team that person roots for.

I know in Chicago that these stereotypes are very strong. When you tell somebody your a Cubs fan, they tend to assume you’re a yuppie who doesn’t actually care about baseball, and that you just want to get drunk and be part of a scene. If you tell them you’re a White Sox fan, they’ll assume you’re a hooligan because a few years ago a couple of morons decided to attack a first base coach.

In Los Angeles, the only stereotype you would tend to hear about Dodgers fans is that they always showed up late to games, and didn’t really care. It’s not exactly a damaging opinion, but things are starting to change in Chavez Ravine, as Dodger fans are beginning to develop a whole new reputation.

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Where Is William Wallace When You Need Him?

A few years ago a group of friends and I all bought season tickets to the Chicago Bears.   Every Sunday morning when the Bears were playing at home, we’d get down to Soldier Field at around 8AM and begin our tailgating celebration.  Now considering that none of us are the greatest cooks, we generally just focused on drinking as many beers as possible before going into the stadium.   Then as game time approached, we’d all stuff around five or six beers into our pockets or pant legs to sneak into Soldier Field.   We never got busted, as they didn’t really search all that hard.

“They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our BOOOOOOOZE!  What?  They did?  Son of a…”

In recent years, this has changed.  Security at Soldier Field conducts a search that ends just shy of an anal probe, so sneaking in beer has become nearly impossible.   I never understood this because even though there were a ton of drunk people inside the stadium, it’s not like we were rioting or anything.   Everyone knows that riots are limited to soccer and that you need around 240 gallons of alcohol to approach rioting status.

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Pacman Unplugged Again, High Score Reset To 0

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell suspended troubled Cowboys cornerback Adam Jones for at least 4 games on Tuesday.  The move follows his alcohol-induced fight with a bodyguard on Oct. 8 in a Dallas hotel.  The suspension could last longer depending on his behavior, which we’re all sure will improve this time.


(Mr. Jones doesn’t just have issues, he has a lifetime subscription)

According to ESPN.com:

The decision on whether Jones can return to play this season will be based on his strict compliance with his NFL and Cowboys treatment plans as well as on evaluations of Jones’ progress that will be provided to Goodell by clinical experts retained by the NFL.

More after the jump. Read more…