8:00 PM CSN Baltimore has video of Marcus Smith, a U.S. soldier who dressed as a minor league umpire to surprise his children at a Bowie Baysox game with a home visit from Afghanistan.
7:45 PM A Japanese Harley-Davidson motorcycle that was swept out to sea during last year's tsunami washed up on a shore in British Columbia last month. The bike's owner asked that the motorcycle be displayed at the Harley-Davidson Museum in Milwaukee as a memorial to the tsunami victims.
7:30 PM Buffalo Bills receiver David Clowneytweeted the results of his HIV test which came back negative. And to the critics of his decision to share his results, Clowney added: "Some people are Ridiculously stupid ... And can't see the bigger picture about things that are important in this world."
Satire’s always the most difficult style of humor; either it’s really funny, or it’s just confusing and lame and a total bummer. Satire in 140 characters or less is even more difficult, and to this day, the only truly funny fake Twitter profile we can think of is the (sadly defunct) Fake Rick Reilly, host of such cringe-inducing gems as “Houston, you don’t have a problem! Beating the Lakers in LA is enough to make any fan say Yao-ie!”
(”140 characters? How about two: FU”)
Then there was (key word was; we’ll get to that) Tony La Russa’s fake Twitter profile, which had a typical ho-hum reference to his DUI and, a location of, um, “tossing Albert Pujols‘ salad.” So that gives you a good idea of what an intellectual titan we’re dealing with here. Obviously, there’s only one proper response by La Russa and his bored lawyer friends legal representation: our good old friend, the lawsuit (H/T: Leitch): Read more…
Heaven knows it’s a battle to fill the gaping maw of a newspaper sports section (or, heck, an Internet site). It’s eternally ravenous, utterly unforgiving, and preternaturally cruel. Lots of writers have to resort to the occasional trick (like comedy bullet points) to keep the beast at bay for another day.
(ARIZONA REPUBLIC writer, considering his next opus)
However, it takes a special effort to knock out 1200 words bemoaning the loss of the baseball superstar. It takes interviews with other old men as they pass through town to hopefully buttress your case. It takes calling up your friends and/or other similarly-minded sports fans in town. It takes quoting Simon and Garfunkel. And, of course, it takes bullet points. (These are also funny, but it’s less intentional this time.)
Remember how unbelievable Alex Rodriguez’s last season in Texas was? That it was so far beyond anyone else, they had to give the MVP to a guy on a last-place team? Those stats: .298 BA, 47 HR, 118 RBI, and now, one giant asterisk.
Ah yes, the Wildcats - first another embarrassing loss to a non-conference minnow (VMI in 2008 replacing Gardner-Webb from 2007) and now a shellacking on national TV against North Carolina without the services of Tyler Hansbrough. Maybe it’s not enough for Kentucky fans to be sending “We’re Sorry We Ran You Out Of Town” cards to Tubby Smith, but head coach Billy Gillispie has got to be feeling more and more heat every day.
The game of the night was on opposite the Wildcats’ mauling, and featured a pair of preseason All-Americans in Davidson’s Stephen Curry and Oklahoma’s Blake Griffin. And for once the game and the key players lived up to the hype: Curry scored a career-high 44 to (almost) lead the Wildcats back from a 21-point hole, but Griffin’s 25 points and 21 rebounds were enough for the Sooners to survive, 82-78.
Meanwhile, in the world where they pay you to play basketball (up front), the Lakers kept their dream of 81-1 alive by turning back the Bulls 116-109. The hero? For once, it wasn’t Kobe Bryant but Pau Gasol, who had an impressive 34 points on 14 of 21 shooting.
Other sports news that happened last night as you recovered from the shock of hearing a hoax that Miley Cyrus, like, had totally been killed in a car crash, and OMG you just had to go on MySpace with your friends to see if that had happened. LOL.
Sandanista! SI says that Hall of Famer & American Public Diplomacy Envoy Cal Ripken Jr. is forced to abandon his final planned baseball clinic in Nicaragua after the State Department issues a warning about post-election violence. Thus ending his “Iron Man” streak of three straight baseball clinics at three.
Brian Cuban posts on his THE CUBAN REVOLUTION blog that his brother Mark is not Martha Stewart. I could have told you that: the fudge Mark made me for Christmas last year was dry and bland.
The good news for you retro gamers: Tecmo Bowl: Kickoff for the Nintendo DS is available today. The bad news: GAME INFORMER says it’s not very good. No NFL licenses? No QB Eagles?!?
Houston Mitchell of the LOS ANGELES TIMES’ FABULOUS FORUM thinks newly-crowned AL MVP Dustin Pedroiamight be a future Hall of Famer, based on his pedigree as a former Rookie of the Year and MVP. Yeah, but Thurman Munson was on that list, too, and look how his career turned out. (Too soon?)
Speaking of MVPs, Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols is throwing his star power behind St. Louis’ bid to get an MLS expansion team, according to the ST. LOUIS BUSINESS JOURNAL. Let’s see that little twerp Pedroia do THAT! Even if a writer for the MILWAUKEE JOURNAL-SENTINEL did put Pujols 7th on his NL MVP ballot. The writer’s name is Tom Haudricourt, in case you wanted to know just who could be that stupid.
Uh-oh. Buffalo doesn’t have much going for it, so reminding every Bills fan of the one time they were a foot and a half from winning the Super Bowl isn’t really a great idea. Ryan Lindell joined Scott Norwood in the “wide right” hall of fame as the Bills lost to the Browns 29-27 on Monday night. It’s not an earth-shattering loss. I don’t think Vincent Gallo’s going to make a movie about shooting Lindell or anything. But it does drop the Bills to 5-5, which is now last place in the AFC East. Remember when they were going to run away with this division? Making all this more painful is the fact that Browns kicker Phil Dawson nailed a 56-yarder a minute earlier to take the lead.
(It was all downhill from here)
Still, it’s tough to pin this all on Lindell. People miss 47-yard field goals all the time, and Lindell isn’t the one who threw three picks in the first quarter (that would be the suddenly terrible Trent Edwards). And while the Browns did win tonight with Brady Quinn at the helm, I’m not ready to call him a difference maker. His completion percentage tonight was lower than Manny Ramirez‘ batting average with the Dodgers.
Get ready, Buffalo, because the Sabres are probably losing their next game on a goal with like four people standing in the crease.
College basketball always just comes out of nowhere, doesn’t it? ESPN is in the midst of a season-opening marathon of games. As you read this, Penn is preparing to play Drexel (tipoff at 10 a.m. Eastern). Earlier this morning, Saint Mary’s beat Fresno State 99-85 in a game that started at 11 p.m. on the west coast (2:00 in the east), followed by Hawaii’s 67-64 overtime win over Idaho State that tipped off at just after 4:00 a.m. in the east (11:00 Hawaii time). I don’t know if I’m supposed be proud of the fact that I watched both games in their entirety. ESPN is continuing to show games live all day today, culminating in Kentucky-North Carolina. I figure that since UK can’t beat VMI, they’ll be lucky to stay within 40 of the Heels.
The best game of the day should be Davidson’s matchup with Oklahoma. Each team has a pre-season first-team All-American (Stephen Curry and Blake Griffin, respectively).
Don’t tell Donovan McNabb (he’s already too confused), but they don’t have ties in college football anymore. That means that somebody has to win this weekend’s Apple Cup debacle between Washington and Washington State, who are a combined 0-20 against FBS teams this year. And the line is set: Washington by 8 1/2, according to the SEATTLE TIMES. Yes, a winless team with a lame duck coach is an 8 1/2-point road favorite in a conference game. The Cougars have been outscored 440-61 in eight Pac-10 losses (that’s an average loss of 55-7).
It’s the harvest season, so think of today’s links as being delivered to you in a cornucopia:
• Utah has a lot on the line in Saturday’s game against BYU. Win, and they’re in the BCS. Lose, and they’re probably going to the Poinsettia Bowl. The SALT LAKE TRIBUNE examines the situation, and the financial windfall that would come from the BCS bid, not just for Utah but for the entire Mountain West. In all honesty, it would be better for BYU as a university to lose the game.
• Things aren’t so rosy up the road at Utah State. They’ve fired their coach, Brent Guy, effective at the end of the season (what ever happened to just cutting a guy loose and going interim?) THE SPORTS NETWORK has the details.
• Oh yeah, baby. Cricket cheerleaders! But it’s India, so they can’t wear skimpy outfits. And it looks like there’s some dudes too. LION IN OIL shares our disappointment.
• NJIT (that’s the New Jersey Institute of Technology) lost its 35th consecutive game last night, a Division I record. The Highlanders (because nothing says rugged terrain like Newark) might not technically go in the record books, though, since they are a “transition” member of Division I. The AP has the game story.
• We have a double-feature from TAMPA BAY’S 10. First we have the story of a lady who’s being told that she can’t say “Ref you suck” at Buccaneers games anymore because it violates some code of conduct bullcrap. Because there’s nobody in NFL stadiums saying worse things than that. Here’s a picture of the woman:
• HOME RUN DERBY points out that, by his own criteria, Albert Pujolsshould not be accepting the NL MVP award. Seems Al said in 2006 that players who don’t take their team to the playoffs shouldn’t win the award.
• The SAN JOSE MERCURY-NEWS’ Andrew Baggarly wildly claims that the Giants are almost assuredly going to win the World Series next year because they’ve signed Jeremy Affeldt to a two-year deal at $4 million per. If you’re scoring at home, that’s approximately 10 times more than Tim Lincecum made this year. And Baggarly actually doesn’t think the Giants are going to be any good.
• The “Heidi” game was 40 years ago yesterday. If you don’t know how it all went down, here’s some video. Particularly brutal is the scene where a girl is shown falling out of a wheelchair and attempting to walk while the final score of the game scrolls at the bottom:
Quoth Mitch Hedberg: “I played golf, I’m not good at golf, I never got good at it. I never got a hole in one, but I did hit a guy in one. And that’s way more satisfying.” Albert Pujols is good at baseball, but while he didn’t hit a home run against the San Diego Padres, he did hit Chris Young. And that might be satisfying if he didn’t result in him bleeding profusely between the eyes.
(If only the Base Wars video games series caught on, Albert Pujols could be on the cover. Perhaps with a more realistic-looking scimitar, even.)
Later in the inning Pujols rounded the bases and eventually slid through the plant foot of catcher Josh Bard. He, too, was injured and had to be helped off the field. Read more…
Albert Pujols had been pretty quiet this season, only going 2-for-14 & having his Opening Day home run washed out from the stat books. But the St. Louis slugger finally spoke up Wednesday night, hitting his first two official homers of the year in a 6-4 win over the Astros.
So, what finally go Pujols out of his slump? He may have been fired up from a pre-game confrontation with a Houston pitcher.
The ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH reports today that Albert Pujols is not happy.
The P-D: “The Cardinals first baseman and a Most Valuable Player award winner was calm, pointed and clearly irritated as he spoke publicly Monday for the first time about an erroneous news report in December that linked him to an investigation on the use of performance-enhancing drugs in professional baseball.”
Pujols: “I know we’re in a dark cloud of steroids, (but) now people are going to second-guess my numbers because of some guy starting something that wasn’t the truth. … They ruined my image.”
Pujols was so upset by the report, and more specifically, a St. Louis media outlet’s follow-up, that he ordered that local station “out of the room” for his press conference yesterday. Read more…
