You Know What The Premier League Needs? AIDS

Oh, the life of a soccer player in England’s Premier League. The country’s heroes and their unreasonably hot WAGs dominate the tabloid headlines, and usually that’s a good thing. Fame, money, sex, sport. What can go wrong?

Magic Johnson's HIV-Eating Grin
(Not the groupie in question. Repeat: NOT the groupie.)

Well, it turns out just about everything can go wrong. A notorious soccer groupie, one who had bedded at least six soccer players on three different teams, just tested positive for HIV. And here you are mad that it burns when you urinate. Herpes? Feh! At least you’re going to live.

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Stunning AIDS Lawsuit From Robbie Alomar’s Ex

Hey Dwyane WadeRoberto Alomar will see your non-fatal STD and raise you HIV. That’s according to a lawsuit filed by his ex-girlfriend Ilya Dall, charging Alomar with insisting on unprotected sex even though he knew he had full-blown AIDS. And suddenly, steroids don’t seem like the end of the world anymore, do they?

Sandy Alomar

(Kinda puts this in a whole new light, huh?)

Alomar, one of the best second basemen in history, retired in 2005 after rapidly breaking down with a myriad of health issues, but there hadn’t even been the hint of a rumor of anything of this magnitude. We should take this all with a huge grain of salt and an HIV cocktail, because Dall only brought the suit after Alomar broke up with her in October, two-and-a-half years after she claims she first learned he was sick. But there’s some pretty explosive stuff in here.

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