DeShawn Stevenson Shows Off His Frankentattoo

A few months back, during a Bill Simmons podcast, Marc Stein pointed out that NBA players are the single most auspicious group of consumers in professional sports, and that everything they purchase is judged as a sign of status. Stein cited cars, jewelry, and even suits; we’re pretty sure it’s safe to include tattoos on this list.

DeShawn Stevenson Tattoos
(Incidentally, every reporter there was asking him what the hell he was thinking.)

For proof, look no further than Washington Wizard DeShawn Stevenson. The sharp-shooting guard has always had a demonstrative streak about him, but he’s reached absurd new heights with the tattoos he unveiled today. Put it this way: Stevenson turned his neck into a 5-dollar bill, and that might not be the weirdest ink above his shoulders.

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Brandon Marshall Travels Through World History

August 26, 2009. Denver, Colorado. Broncos training camp:

Denver Broncos receiver Brandon Marshall puts up the most half-hearted attempt at competition in recent sporting history at a Broncos training camp practice. His total lack of effort makes Richie Tenenbaum look like the Tasmanian Devil on crack cocaine. It also accomplishes the unusual task of forcing the team to suspend the receiver for insubordination, and any casual observer of the footage would agree that coach Josh McDaniels had no choice but to do so.

Brandon Marshall Doesn't Stop John Wilkes Booth

Unbeknownst to Marshall, Broncos team doctors are also mad scientists, and during practice the men were perfecting the chronomorphotron, which allows for travel backwards and forwards through time. Like you didn’t already know that. So after being sent off the field by coaches, Marshall wanders through a curiously empty locker room. He’s angry and looking for things to hit. He sees one stall with a closed door - most don’t even have doors - and the nameplate of a teammate he doesn’t recognize: “T. Machine.” He opens it, looking for things to throw. He finds a whole new world.

Inside the stall are dials, buttons, gadgets and gauges. Most importantly, there’s a panel on the inside of the door with date, latitude, and longitude. Marshall, thinking they’re sports scores or something, randomly tweaks everything in site before hitting “SEND.” This is his journey.

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Hot Nets Dancer Claims Lineage To Abe Lincoln

One usually doesn’t associate President’s Day with “sexy,” unless you happen to have some sort of Zachary Taylor fetish. (And if you do, please go back to your Taylor/Millard Fillmore slash fiction, thanks.) But NBC NEW YORK has found a way to make your three-day weekend a little hotter: Meet Bonnie Lincoln, New Jersey Nets dancer and the alleged direct descendant of Abraham Lincoln.

Bonnie Lincoln Nets dancer

I’ll have to admit that I was pretty skeptical of her claims - anyone with the last name “Lincoln” could say they are related to our 16th President. Plus, have you seen pictures of the guy? As they would have said back in the day, he definitely had a face made for telegraphs.  It’s difficult to imagine that even 200 years of thinning out of his gene pool could wind up producing a hot NBA cheerleader.

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McCain To Be Juiced Up For Debate With Obama

With another debate looming between John McCain and Barack Obama next week, both Presidential candidates are getting themselves ready for the big showdown. This means they’re doing anything in their power to get some kind of advantage on their opponent, and it appears Mr. McCain has made an unexpected ally in his quest for the Presidency.

Yep, that’s right, Bill Romanowski. It seems that Romo is eager to help McCain get a little extra “juice” behind his arguments.

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Upper Deck Teases Up New Cards Containing Hair

Chris Olds of the ORLANDO SENTINEL has been a bountiful bevy of amusing information for us on this post-Memorial Day day. First, he very graciously goes through every recent Playboy to uncover which athletes have shed their suits for the mag. And now, Chris shares the news of the latest hair-raising trend in baseball card collecting.

Babe Ruth hair card

Upper Deck will soon be coming out with a new set of card collectibles - featuring select strands of famous follicles. And it’s not just ballplayers getting the scalp treatment. Read more…