I’m From Watson’s K.C., But Stewie’s Is Still Cool

Anyone who takes his Twitter pic at SoCal.-based In-n-Out Burger is a G.:

Stewart Cink

(Still doesn’t make up for his final round Music Man pants)

As for us Kansas Citians (Watson’s hometown), we’re currently crying in our Boulevards at Kelly’s in Westport after the gack on 18.

Open Contender To Withdraw For Birth Of His Kid?

The big story at the British Open is the stunning resurgence of 59-year-old Tom Watson, a five-time winner of the tournament who took down Jack Nicklaus in one of the great duels in golf history 32 years ago on the same course. Just as compelling, however, is the possible dilemma facing Ross Fisher, who is just one shot off the lead and playing in the second-to-last group. You see, he has to deal with a tough choice presented to many weekend warriors on a regular basis: play golf or hang out with my wife?

Ross Fisher

Fisher, a native of England, is achingly close to achieving his dream of winning his nation’s major championship, and yet he says he’s willing to walk off the course at any time tomorrow and give it all up. What could possibly make him do that? His wife is due to give birth to their first child. Like, now. And he’s vowed to literally drop his clubs at a moment’s notice to head back to England to be at her side if she goes into labor. Clearly, Fisher’s a stand-up guy, but…really? You’d drop your putter on 16 with a one-shot lead and just let it go? No thought about the fact that your kid might be able to use all the prize money you’d be throwing away by leaving?

Would you abandon your final round in contention at the British Open to see the birth of your child?

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Speed Read: Turnberry Getting Its Revenge Today

After a day that saw the lowest opening round ever at the British Open Championship and a 59-year-old dude lapping Turnberry like it’s a pitch-and-putt, it appears that the golf gods are turning the screws on the field today. Let’s put it this way, Tiger Woods has moved up more than 20 spots on the leaderboard so far today by not playing golf.

Tom Watson

(It’s been 32 years since we’ve seen this much arm hair and a Claret Jug in the same photo)

Tiger will tee off shortly, and he’ll do so on a damp, dreary, and (most importantly) windy day on the Scottish shoreline. Tom Watson (pictured above) is already out on the course, looking to build on his improbable 65. Yesterday’s clubhouse leader, Miguel Angel Jimenez, has already dropped four shots on the front nine as of press time. His ridiculous ponytail is threatening to blow into the ocean as we speak.

Miguel Angel Jimenez

Ben Curtis was one of three players who started the day one behind, but he’s fallen off the map, firing a brutal 80 and falling all the way to a tie for 108th in the process. Others who have gone completely in the tank today are Mike Weir, Ian Poulter, Hunter Mahan, and US Open champ Lucas Glover. And John Daly looks just as ridiculous wearing this in Scotland as he does over here:

John Daly

American Steve Marino is one of the only players who has negotiated the course well so far, following a first-round 67 with a 68 today. At 5-under, Marino might find himself playing in the final group on Saturday if the wind continues to howl during this afternoon’s play. Marino has never won on the PGA Tour and never even played in an Open. Japan’s Kenichi Kuboya has gone to 6-under as I write this, but he’s still early in his round and may have come back to earth by the time you read this.

Dan Marino

(No, no, *Steve* Marino)

David Beckham made his long-awaited return to the MLS last night for the L.A. Galaxy. Well, it was at least a mildly-awaited return. Alright, let’s be honest, if Landon Donovan hadn’t called the guy out in that book would anyone even know he was back? The citizens of the New York metro area certainly didn’t seem to care that much, as only 23,000 or so showed up to see the Galaxy beat up on the hapless Red Bulls.

Beckham and Donovan

Not surprisingly, Beckham looked slow and tired, as he hadn’t played in a match since the end of May. Donovan scored once and assisted on another goal, and Beckham attempted to bury the hatchet once and for all by bro-hugging him all the way down the field as they celebrated Landon’s goal.

But the tepid response to Beckham’s return was the real story. Just a year ago, Beckham drew more than 46,000 fans out to the Meadowlands, which was down from the 66,000+ who came in 2007. He clearly prefers playing in Europe and living in Europe, so what’s the point now? He has run his course here, and his continued presence is just going to become an embarrassment for all involved — AEG for overestimating the Beckham brand in America, MLS for not shedding American pro soccer’s reputation of only drawing international stars after they’re washed up, and Beckham himself, who is going to have to deal with playing in front of 12,000 people in Kansas City and pretending that he’s happy to be there.

So when is the plug pulled for good? The Galaxy have friendly matches coming up with AC Milan (his other team) and Champions League winners Barcelona, as well as 12 more league matches that stretch into late October. European leagues start at the end of August. Is he going to want to stick around here when he could be getting “better prepared” for next year’s World Cup elsewhere? And more importantly, does anyone really care if he stays or goes?

David Beckham

• OK, so how did U.S. Ski Team member Cody Marshall suffer a serious head injury?

A) Training hard for the upcoming Olympics.

B) Riding the railing of an escalator in the mall like a 12-year-old.

Do I need to even answer this for you? Perhaps the biggest problem was that the escalator wasn’t even turned on.

•  Nice timing for the big celebrity golf tournament in Lake Tahoe this weekend. I mean, it’s not like there’s another important golf tournament going on or anything. I guess if Tiger tanks it today everyone can take solace in being able to watch Charles Barkley shoot 110.

Adam Morrison has finally found a league he can dominate — the NBA summer league in Vegas. The LA TIMES caught up with him there. Seriously, though, the guy has taken a beating just about everywhere so it would be a great story if he could somehow turn himself into a useful NBA player.

• The Jazz are planning on matching the Blazers’ offer to restricted free agent Paul Millsap, which ESPN says might help facilitate a trade that would send Carlos Boozer to Chicago and Kirk Hinrich to Portland.

Ronnie Milsap

(No, no, *Paul* Millsap. It’s not even spelled the same.)

• Remember the good old days when Dominican baseball prospects just lied about their age? Now they don’t even use their real names. The Yankees are the latest team to have apparently been duped by a prospect from the D.R. SPORTS ILLUSTRATED says they signed who they thought was 16-year-old shortstop Damian Arredondo to an $850,000 bonus, but they have been informed by MLB’s Department of Investigations that not only is he not really 16, but he’s also not really Damian Arredondo. Whoever he is, the Yankees don’t have to pay him the bonus and the player is now banned from being offered a contract by another team for a year.

• More evidence that Rich Rodriguez might not be working out in Ann Arbor? An offensive lineman who has left the program to transfer to Ball State says this: “They were bringing in a lot of different kids that were not my kind of crowd. Coach Carr’s staff was a whole different ballgame. It was like a family. But when Rodriguez came in it was a whole different feeling. It was more of a business.”

Ricky Williams would like to give you a body massage.

• That car that Stan Musial rode around in at the All-Star Game the other night was a Ford. And, since we all know that “this is oooouuurrrr coouuuntryyyy” and Chevy owns our souls during baseball telecasts, they had to actually put tape over the Ford logo. Maybe that’s why the guy driving was so surly the whole time (thanks UNI WATCH).

Stan Musial

• The MIAMI HERALD was trumpeting the Marlins-Phillies series that began last night at (shudder) Land Shark Stadium, saying that crowds of “upwards of 30,000″ were expected for the series. Actual attendance last night: 15,171. But look at the bright side — that’s 15,000 fewer people to be embarrassed by watching their team get one-hit by a 46-year-old.

Ryan Howard hit his 200th career homer last night in his 658th game, the fewest ever for someone to reach the milestone. The previous record holder was Ralph Kiner, who did it in 706 games.

• Everybody’s talking about the dress Erin Andrews wore to the ESPY Awards, but Natalie Gulbis was looking pretty nice herself:

Natalie Gulbis

Has the David Beckham MLS “experiment” been a success?

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Jefferson Ended Wedding By Emailing Bride-To-Be

*Brooks will be at Dodger Stadium tonight Tweeting about Manny Ramirez’s triumphant return to Chavez Ravine.

Richard Jefferson tries to explain what really happened with his averted trip to the altar. It involves ending his relationship via email - along with sending a six-figure settlement to the jilted bride.

Richard Jefferson Kesha Nichols

• NASCAR racer Jeremy Mayfield tests positive for meth. What, again?!?!

• The jokes at the ESPYs were so bad, producers were begging the audience to laugh & applaud - so they could edit it into the show later.

• But the real comedy highlight of the evening was a drunken Matt Kemp trying to break his fall by pulling down the top of his date’s dress.

• A youth soccer official is under investigation for embezzling over $100,000 from her local organization.

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Speed Read: Stay Off Of Tom Watson’s Lawn

While you snored loudly all snug in your bed last night (and I hear it really was annoying, I’d look into that if I were you), the British Open got underway in Turnberry, Scotland. And who’s the early leader? Not favorites Tiger Woods or Padaig Harrington … and neither is it Charles Howell III (“Gilligan! Drop that coconut!”). It’s Tom Watson, who will turn 60 in two months. Yes, a man who spends more time in the restroom than on the greens owned a clubhouse lead after a 5-under 65 in the first round (at least he was at 4 a.m. PST when I wrote this).

Tom Watson

Watson birdied the first hole and had another birdie on 3 to keep just ahead of Mark Calcavecchia and Lee Westwood, tied for second one stroke back. Watson, of course, won the “Duel in the Sun” over Jack Nicklaus in Turnberry’s first Open in 1977, and to demonstrate how long ago that was, Elvis Presley was still alive. So how great would it be to have Woods and Watson squaring off for the title 32 years later? This is why I like golf; in what other sport can an athlete who turned professional in 1971 still be a major factor? It’s like if Carlton Fisk and Fred Lynn made this year’s All-Star team. Here’s the leaderboard, which I check every 15 minutes just so that I can quietly say to myself the words Briny Baird.” Whether you like golf or you don’t, it’s the only game being played today, my friends; unless you count elephant polo or falconry.

Woods had a later tee time and is currently 1-over after 17 holes, tied for 50th place. And he did just about as well at Wednesday’s ESPY Awards, as Michael Phelps ended Tiger’s five-year dominance as Best Male Athlete, taking that title as well as Best Record-Breaking Performance, Best Championship Performance and Best Male Olympian. Tim Tebow won the 2009 Best College Athlete Award, becoming the only two-time winner in the category. Afterward, ESPN announced that the trophy would be modeled in his image. Charles Barkley won for Stupidest DUI and Shortest Prison Stay, narrowly beating Donte Stallworth in the latter category.

She’s refusing to do any actual interviews, but Amanda Rodrigues, the wife of former boxing champion Arturo Gatti who is accused of his murder, has written a letter from prison proclaiming her innocence. So that should clear that up. Rodrigues, being held in the Brazilian city of Recife, said that she awoke Saturday morning in their rented apartment to find her husband dead. Excerpts:

“This is a pain that has become inexplicable and intolerable, this loss and this malicious accusation,” Rodrigues wrote. “I lost my husband!”

“I’m innocent and I know that this will be proven in a few days.”

“The people most important to my life, who know us, know the size of our love. What hurts me is knowing the suffering of my family and friends. What hurts me is to know that my husband will not be in my house waiting for my return.”

“Junior — soon mama will be at home!”

Facing slightly better odds than Rodrigues are my San Francisco Giants: Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain are both 10-2 with ERAs below 2.40, Jonathan “Dirty” Sanchez just threw the team’s first no-hitter since 1975, and Kung Fu Panda is destroying pitchers and thrilling the ladies. The Giants were 20-23 on May 24, but have gone 29-16 since to take the wild-card lead, trailing the Dodgers by seven in the NL West. But all is not well. Why? Because the Mohawk craze is sweeping the clubhouse.

Brian Wilson

Closer Brian Wilson initially sported the look, and pitching coach Dave Righetti briefly joined in with a faux version when he lost a bet to Wilson. Jonathan Sanchez followed Righetti’s lead after throwing a no-hitter Friday, while infielder Juan Uribe and reliever Sergio Romo went with the real thing.

Manager Bruce Bochy has vowed to be next if the upstart Giants — who come out of the All-Star break with the National League’s third-best record — put together 10 wins in a row. He doesn’t cherish the prospect.

“Can you imagine this thing shaved, with the size of my head?” the manager says, pointing to his famously prominent noggin.

Cute when the Tampa Bay Rays went through their Mohawk phase last season, but you’ll notice that none of them are wearing World Series rings — and where are they now in the standings? Please Giants, no adorable gimmicks, OK? If I see a cowbell at AT&T Park, I’m not responsible for what I may do next.

And now, links to ponder after ironing your bulletproof shirts:

  • Brett Favre says that he’ll make a final decision about playing for the Vikings by July 30, and Minnesota head coach Brad Childress has no problem with that. And Packers Hall of Fame quarterback Paul Hornung predicts that when Favre finally does join the Vikings, all will go well: “(Favre) ain’t going to win in Minnesota,” Hornung told revelers at a Wisconsin sports banquet on Tuesday. “I’ll bet on it.”
  • Hey I almost forgot; the Tour de France is also going on. Your Stage 11 winner on Wednesday was Britain’s Mark Cavendish, whom the French riders congratulated by charging that he taunted them with racial slurs. That’s a switch. How can we not love you, Tour de France? You’re the only sport that requires skin-tight pants and a map of the Alps.
  • Letterman: Sonia Sotomayor is getting more and more confident with each passing day of the confirmation hearings. Today she showed up wearing the yellow jersey.”
  • Apparently Steve McNair left no will, causing the wife of the slain ex-NFL quarterback to file an emergency petition in a Nashville court asking that she be allowed to oversee his estate. A judge granted the request. Mechelle McNair listed herself and her two sons, Tyler and Trenton McNair, as the heirs to the estate. McNair also has two other sons from a previous relationship.

  • Yes, I’m having a hard time believing that this girl caught this fish. Supposedly, 11-year-old Jessica Wanstall, who weighs 84 pounds, landed this catfish, which weighs 194 pounds, in the Ebro River in Northeast Spain. Not shown: Jessica’s 8-year-old brother Trevor, who was used as bait. And yes, after this picture was taken her dad threw it back: They were holding out for a really big catch.
  • The ratings are in: The MLB All-Star Game posted a 10.4/18 overnight rating in metered markets, down 5 percent from a 11.0/18 for the first nine innings of last year’s 15-inning game in New York. The pregame show drew an 8.3/15, also down slightly from last year’s 8.4/15. But the big news still seems to be President Obama’s ceremonial pitch, which FOX failed to show win its entirety. And when they finally did show it the following morning, they screwed that up as well.

  • But the real gem of that DAILY SHOW clip is above. Jon Stewart: “Actually [President Obama] was there to throw out the ceremonial first pitch of the ballgame, much in the same way that in England, the Queen will throw the first punch at a soccer riot.”
  • A federal judge on Wednesday sentenced former Denver Broncos running back Travis Henry to three years in prison for running a drug ring in Montana and Colorado.

Who will win the British Open?

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