Feet Severed in Separate Holiday Boating Incidents

For years, governmental safety-advocate types have been warning America about the dangers facing us on the 4th of July. You’ll set the house on fire with sparklers! You’ll die of alcohol poisoning! Well, OK, maybe that one’s true, but the nanny state machinery has been working for generations now to ensure that nobody has any real fun on America’s Birthday.

Old man on a boat with beer.

(Not as cool as it looks, trust us.)

But in their zealotry to protect our livers/relationships/fingers from the scourges of alcohol and fireworks, the hand-holders forgot to warn America about the real Fourth of July menace - meat-eating boat propellers lurking just below the surface of our lakes and rivers. Maritime resort states Idaho and South Dakota each suffered nasty propeller-foot interaction this holiday weekend, resulting in dinner for the vicious propellers and more work for local prosthetic foot makers.

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