Six Flags Bankrupt, Asks Haynesworth for Bailout

Dan Snyder, the controlling interest in Six Flags as well as the owner of the Washington Redskins, installed his crack management team to solve that Six Flags things over there when he forcefully took control of the company in 2005.  Mark Shapiro, formerly the ESPN programming chief, took the reins and promptly instituted cheerleaders, which should have taken care of the company’s money woes.

Dan Snyder and Tom Cruise

(”No, no… we had Bugs Bunny tested and his theta levels are stellar.  So are you interested in investing?”)

Somehow, though, young men and women hopping up and down rhythmically didn’t wash away the  $2.4 billion in debt nor the losses each quarter.  Therefore, Six Flags is following the cool kids in town and filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy just to ditch most of the debt and then climb right back out.  You know, like that time you ran up $50,000 on your credit cards, declared bankruptcy, ditched the debt, and kept your house and car.

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