Shanahan Agrees To Become New Redskins Coach

Mike Klis of the DENVER POST reports that Mike Shanahan has agreed to become the next head coach of the Washington Redskins.

Mike Shanahan

Shanahan is expected to sign a five-year deal worth about $7 million a year, with the Redskins making the official announcement on Wednesday.

The move is also good news for Denver Broncos owner Pat Bowlen, who expects to save $7 million for himself.

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What’s Rick Reilly Really Saying About Bowlen?

We don’t know everything about what Rick Reilly brings to the ESPN table, just that the man is overpaid. His $4 million salary could pay for, let’s say, 20 very good writers at $200,000 a pop, and it’s safe to say that 20 good writers would be able to cover far more for the WWL than Reilly’s oft-cliched columns. But whatever, ESPN knows more about running a sports media empire than we do.

Pat Bowlen

But we digress. Reilly, for his faults, has tons of sources - part of being part of the national media for that long, we suppose - and we assume he’s as well-connected as anybody else on the ESPN Campus. But you’d think someone who’s swimming in Best Sportswriter awards would have a little more journalistic tact than what he just pulled on Denver Owner Pat Bowlen.

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QB Cutler Claims He Doesn’t Want To Get Traded

This whole nasty Jay Cutler situation in Denver? Why, it’s all just a big wacky misunderstanding, something on the level of your typical “Three’s Company” episode. The Broncos say their bitter QB wants to be traded. But Jay disagrees - he claims he doesn’t want to be removed from Mile High.

Jay Cutler on knees

Cutler made his first public comments about Denver’s decision to put the QB on the trading block. And Jay confided in another Jay - Jay Glazer of FOXSPORTS.COM - while at Wednesday night’s UFC Fight Night 18 card in Nashville, of all places.

Right off the bat, Jay says he was surprised how fast the Broncos want to boot him:

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Speed Read: Broncos Done Foolin’ with Jay Cutler

Jay Cutler has moved from snit fit to full-on martyrdom and Denver Broncos owner Pat Bowlen has chosen to accommodate the young quarterback and search for a trade partner, thus saving Broncos fans from competency at the quarterback position.

Jay Cutler Broncos

(Sign language is still communication, right?)

Chris Simms will stand as the only vaguely quarterback-like substance on the roster, pending trade returns, after Cutler and his agent would not even return text messages for ten days (or so claimed by the Broncos organization).

While this seems superficially about placating the petulant, it would be disastrous to employ the Marcel Marceau of quarterbacks this fall if he continues his silent ways. There would be no playcalling, no leadership, and no franchise-polishing post-game quotes. For that, the Broncos could just look up Joey Harrington.

Also abandoning ship: just about every recruit formerly headed to the University of Memphis. John Calipari’s move to the University of Kentucky has most recruits for next year’s class eying the escape clause in their letters of intent that lets them wiggle free if Calipari squirms out as well.

John Calipari

(The Sweet’n'Low is also coming with him to Lexington)

With Tyreke Evans already on his way to the NBA and everyone else on the team either graduating or looking for a new school, the University of Memphis basketball team may have to outfit the equipment manager, three physical education majors, and Marc Cohn himself.

(Sure, Cohn only has one move, but he closes out every night with it.)

And now join us for a hail of bullets on the day each year the entire Internet is racked with inaccuracies, tall tales, and outright lies (and actually admits it) as we remember how the pros handle this tomfoolery

Bemidji, MN Paul Bunyan and Babe

Ron Artest at a Britney Spears concert

Jay Cutler’s next home will be…

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Speed Read: NFL Commish Feels Your Fiscal Pain

Quiet night in sports as the NBA gears up for the All-Star weekend in Phoenix (first round of stories: “Hey, it gets cold in the desert!”).  Therefore, coverage this morning will be 20-25% less sports-y.  This is in honor of NFL Commisioner Roger Goodell taking a pay freeze this year and trimming his bonus from last year to drop his 2008 pay by roughly a quarter.

Roger Goodell

“The commissioner believes it will take a collective sacrifice of everyone to get through this difficult economic environment.” The commish is wise.  However, the commish will certainly have a better case for the uncapped year coming up and the next CBA negotiations by showing “fiscal responsibility” now.  Also, the layoff of 15% of league staff in NYC might be a little more palatable.

Darren McFadden, Bay Area savior and Al Davis’ last good idea, had his shoulder ’scoped last month, but no one knew his shoulder was injured.  Not only that, but he went back to his college doctor to have the procedure done.  We’re not suggesting this was a good idea, but Al Davis’ medical plan for the Raiders consists mostly of leeches and bromide.  Hey, it’s worked for him…

Al Davis

(ARISE AND BE HEALED)

Here’s something to chew on since you can’t chew on your world record fingernails anymore…

My God, it takes longer to leak PED names than to take a leak for a drug test. When will we finally see those 103 other names from 2003’s MLB positive test list?

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