Coked-Up Tennis Player Not Guilty Of Coking Up

It’s not every day that we can say we’re truly thrilled to bring you news regarding athletes and banned substances. Sure, Manny’s fertility drug test was rather giggle-worthy and Jeremy Mayfield’s ongoing meth saga has been amusing, but even those were ultimately just another story about another cheating player and a poorly-written testing policy. But today? Today is something special, folks.

Richard Gasquet

(That’s him on the left, not doing coke.)

We’re proud to announce that French tennis player Richard Gasquet has been exonerated and reinstated to the pro tennis tour after testing positive for cocaine back in May. How, you ask? Was he the victim of a tainted sample or a badly-administered test? Well, no. It was the stripper’s fault, you see. It’s always the stripper’s fault.

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