Fatty Sidney Ponson Busted For Weight Loss Drug

One of the universe’s greatest unsolved mysteries, up there with quantum physics and the question of extraterrestrial life, is the continued employment of MLB “pitcher” Sidney Ponson. Ponson, a known menace and professional DUI-getter, has a career record of 90-106 and an ERA of just under 5.00. His mediocrity on the mound is only a small part of the tale, though. Ponson has been jettisoned from nearly every team he’s every played for (a total of seven teams) for being some combination of bad/fat/drunk/stupid/unlikeable. Yet, the man still has a job on a Major League roster (well, OK, Kansas City, but still).

Sidney Ponson

(There is a link on Ponson’s Wikipedia profile titled “Sidney Ponson Uncut.” I suggest you not click it.)

Even more confounding than his continued employment is the news that Ponson, who maybe weighed 250 lbs in middle school, tested positive for a WEIGHT-LOSS stimulant at the World Baseball Classic. Weight. Loss. Sidney. Ponson. Head asplode.

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