• Sorry, fellas - Victoria’s Secret supermodel Adriana Lima is officially off the market after eloping with Memphis Grizzlies guard Marko Jaric.

• Meanwhile, fellow lovely lingerie poser Gisele Bundchen has finally made an honest man out of Tom Brady.

• Could Gina Carano soon be following in Adriana’s & Gisele’s high heels? After all, she just did a spread for Maxim - while her bra is up for bids.

• Speaking of awesome auctions, a Mickey Mantle-autographed “F*** Yogi” baseball was on the block. But Mickey’s son may be calling foul.

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• A debt-ridden professional poker player is arrested for killing his parents in an attempt to get at his inheritance sooner than scheduled.

• Jonathan Papelbon has a premonition that he isn’t long for this world.

• Isn’t there anyone who wants to stay #1 in college basketball?

• A 45-year-old Ohio man loses 200 pounds on his way to becoming a college wrestler.

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From the “it’s only surprising that you’re surprised” department, authorities say that the parents of a debt-ridden, compulsive gambler were killed by — shocker — their debt-ridden, compulsive gambler son.

Ernest Scherer III was arrested in Las Vegas and charged yesterday with the murder of Ernest Scherer Jr. and Charlene Abendroth. The younger Scherer had mounting debts, including from his professional poker career, and police say he wanted to claim his inheritance. Instead, he’s being shipped back to Alameda County to stand trial. Talk about a bad beat.

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