Ochocinco Scoops NFL Press On Brady’s ‘Injury’

Yawn, another sleepy Satu–WE INTERRUPT THIS POST FOR AN IMPORTANT DREAMBOAT ALERT. Tom Brady has a sore shoulder! Stop the presses. Sound the alarum bells. All hands on deck: Mortensen! Schefter! Hell, get Peter Gammons in here! Someone fire up the ESPN overkill machine! Go! Go! Go! (!!!) Doesn’t Haynesworth know we’ve got a redemption/comeback storyline that needs to be beaten into the ground all season?  EVERYBODY PANIC!

Ochocinco Brady

(Behold the awesome power of MS Paint.)

Given the Patriots’ secretive nature about injuries and the media’s ability to work itself into a lather at the drop of a hat, it’s hard to know the extent of the injury. Thankfully, one man had the balls and the Rolodex big enough to cut the crap and get to the bottom of things: Investigative Reporter Chad Ochocinco!

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Tom Brady Is The World’s Most Dangerous Athlete

It’s becoming a pretty well accepted fact nowadays that the NFL is full of dangerous madmen. Between all the dog fighting, the sweatpants shootings, and the cabbie beatings, it could be harmful to your health even being in the same stadium as the NFL’s gridiron ruffians. Hell, you could even end up with a black eye just watching them on TV - that’s how dangerous these folks are.

Tom Brady Blingee

(Beware.)

Take Patriots QB Tom Brady, for example. Everyone knows Dreamboat is a menace to society, blinding people with his gleaming white teeth and making women worldwide faint on sight. But what you probably didn’t know is that Brady is the fourth-most dangerous celebrity on the entire planet. Well, now you know. Beware the Dreamboat, folks, he’ll mess your s*** up.

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