According to the Hallmark Cards website, “A Babylonian youth named Elmesu carved the first known Father’s Day card in clay nearly 4,000 years ago. His special message wished his father good health and a long life.” Since that ancient card-thingy, celebrations of father-child relationships have taken many forms. In Germany, the traditional Father’s Day celebration includes a men’s-only hiking tour in which the hikers pull one or more small wooden wagons containing beer and sausage. (No, really.) In many parts of the United States, the occasion calls for chintzy cards and bad neckties.
As with many aspects of life, however, Florida handles things differently and ass-backwards. At least, that’s what the actions of former Hillsborough County commissioner and WWF(E?) wrestler Brian Blair (above left) would lead us to believe. You see, Blair chose to commemorate that most sacred of bonds, the bond between parent and child, by beating the crap out of his two teenage sons on Father’s Day. Hey, Brian? YOU’RE (allegedly) DOING IT WRONG.