Cream Cheese Causes Coach To Cancel Twittering

• Who would have though cream cheese on bagels would be the downfall of George Mason coach Jim Larranaga’s Twittering career?

Jim Larranaga George Mason cream cheese bagel

(”Go away! You’ve caused me enough trouble!”)

• Broncos fans boo Jay Culter on his return to Denver. And the way Kyle Orton has been playing, expect a lot more booing from Mile High this year.

• But there’s plenty of cheering at NBC, where Sunday’s Broncos-Bears matchup netted the highest ratings for a preseason game in five years.

• Holy subterranean living! Indiana Pacers forward Danny Granger is building himself a batcave down in New Mexico.

• A Louisville-area high school football coach is facing homicide charges after one of his players collapsed & died during practice.

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Danny Granger Building A Batcave In New Mexico

When I was a kid (read: last year), I used to create elaborate forts in my parents’ living room out of blankets, pillows, bookcases, and chairs. Once, I somehow managed to create a two-story, multi-roomed palace with a cardboard front gate that consumed the entire living room and connected with the kitchen door. It was the pinnacle, and the end, of my career in structural engineering. I mean, when you’ve got YOUR OWN CARDBOARD FRONT GATE for crying out loud, what more can you do to top it? So I retired from the fort-building business forever.

Danny Granger Batcave

Little did I know then, as I folded up the blankets and reassembled the dining room table, that it didn’t have to end that way. I could have persevered and gone on to accomplish ever more ludicrous fort-like structures. If only I had devoted myself to basketball, gone to the University of New Mexico, and gotten drafted by the Indiana Pacers, my love of fantastical forts and secret passages could have been indulged. Danny Granger did persevere and did choose that path, and that’s why he’s now got a Batcave. Yes, we’ll repeat that: Danny Granger has a Batcave in New Mexico.

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Speed Read: Floyd’s Follies Continue to Roil USC

Tim Floyd, USC’s men’s basketball coach for the moment (and this after almost becoming a leader of Wildcats), allegedly paid a handler a thousand dollars in cash to be delivered to O.J. Mayo in a successful attempt to encourage the young point guard to follow through on joining USC for a season after signing his letter of intent.  (No, the handler wasn’t Li’l Romeo.  Good guess, though.)

O.J. Mayo Tim Floyd

Everyone from the handler to Floyd to USC could be in varying levels of trouble if true.  Therefore, absolutely no one except YAHOO! SPORTS’ source will speak on the record.   Their investigative journalism has been hit and miss, though their commitment to providing original reporting has not wavered.

It’s unclear how seriously the reporting from the site with the silly name can be taken, though, as they clearly do not have fake conversations where they hype their stories around a ridiculously small table while being filmed in black-and-white.  It’s not really journalism if it’s colorized.

E60 from ESPN

(Journalism!)

From one stereotypically smoky back room to another, Delaware’s legislature has passed a law permitting sports betting in a desperate attempt to fill a gaping $600 million maw in the state budget.  The governor has promised his signature on the bill once the state Supreme Court has spoken to the state constitutionality of the bill.

Delaware is one of only four states with a legal exemption to a 1992 federal law banning sports gambling and the only one east of the Mississippi.  State lawmakers have high hopes of becoming a gambling mecca for sports enthusiasts; one called the opportunity “an unbelievable cash cow”.  Again, it’s unclear how true this can be if no one will be allowed to gamble on the Wilmington Blue Rocks.

Wilmington Blue Rocks - Rocky Bluewinkle

(The only thing you can tease here is the moose, sir)

Finally, from one set of rocks to another, Boston came back to defeat the Orlando Magic 92-88 last night to take a 3-2 series lead in a highly predictable collapse from the team in blue that has only one mode: jack the three up and cross your fingers.

Magic against Celtics

Houston also got a condescending pat on the head for their Game 4 effort without Yao Ming before being penetrated 118-78 by the Lakers and falling behind 3-2 in their series. The Rockets now only have one reliable position: fetal.

Phil Mickelson and wife

(”… so that’s winning!  Interesting.”)

On the other hand, three fine NHL Game 7s have now been scheduled after wins by Anaheim and Boston last night.  Detroit never found its offense despite approximately 40392109 minutes on the power play while Carolina’s Cam Ward couldn’t quite figure out what all that goalie equipment should be used for. One possibility: handing off $1,000 in cash to the next O.J. Mayo?

Anaheim Ducks

And now a hail of bullet points discovered behind the olive loaf sandwich in the break room fridge; you know, the fridge that sent half your office to the hospital

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