Somewhere, in a secret library not accessible to non-famous types (Scientology Celebrity Centre, maybe?), there is a book titled The Celebrity Guide To Handling Embarrassing Legal Trouble. We’ve never seen this book but we’re pretty sure it has to exist. How else do you explain every single celebrity working from the same script after getting arrested? Deny, deny, deny…all the way up until you’re caught. Then apologize, cry, invoke God, and claim you’ve learned your lesson just by getting caught. It’s like a naughty 5-year old with millions of dollars and a coke habit.
Take former NFL WR Jimmy Smith, for instance. Last year, Smith was popped for DUI and pot possession. Hardly the worst offenses on the planet, but the combination of the two would likely land a less-prominent defendant in the clink. For the Jaguars’ all-time leading receiver, however? Can you say “celebrity status?”