The old Texas Stadium, soon to be put out to pasture in favor of Regrettable Corporate Sponsorship-to-be-Named-Later Stadium at Second-Name-Here Field, had room for exactly one malcontent in its rather unimpressive jail cell. However, that simply won’t do when $1.3 billion has been poured into a new taxpayer-funded beer garden with live sports.

(It’s hard to believe Adam Jones is being released by the Cowboys today; they finally finished his locker!)

Therefore, the Dallas Cowboys’ new home will have a desperately-needed upgrade in its new $200,000 jail: two drunk tanks and solitary confinement cells to boot, as well as “state-of-the-art” construction. (We imagine the art of jail construction doesn’t get much play at your modern art museums. Snobs.)
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