Week In Review: Cowboys Can’t Pick Any Winners

• The new Cowboys Stadium opens with a couple of embarrassing picks, courtesy of Tony Romo & Jerry Jones.

Tony Romo Jerry Jones nose pick

• Well, at least the fans had fun inside the new digs in Dallas - unless you had a “party pass” but weren’t allowed in.

• An angry Oregon fan wants his travel expenses back after watching the Ducks get plucked in Boise. So UO coach Chip Kelly sends him a check.

Floyd Mayweather Jr. delivers a verbal beatdown to Max Kellerman during Floyd’s post-fight interview.

• This week’s sports Twitter craziness comes courtesy Redskins LB Robert Henson, Larry Fitzgerald’s younger brother Marcus, and Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema.

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Romo, Jones Get Picky In Cowboys Stadium Debut

• The Dallas Cowboys’ brand-new billion-dollar stadium was christened with a plethora of picks, courtesy of Tony Romo & Jerry Jones.

Tony Romo Jerry Jones nose pick

• Seems that the only thing that could possibly slow down the Florida Gators is the dreaded swine flu.

• Sadly, four Gator fans were killed in a small plane crash after returning from Saturday’s game in Gainesville.

• And now some fun video of a Bayou Bengals fan bombed out of his mind.

• An Arkansas high school football coach gets a kick out of never having his team punt.

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Speed Read: Romo, Jones Have Different “Picks”

Usually, Tony Romo saves his worst for last, shining as the season begins but falling apart in December and January. But hey, last night was kind of a big game - it was the first “official” game at the new Cowboys Stadium, and it was a national TV audience against the arch-rival New York Giants. So I guess you can’t blame Romo for reverting to his late-season form and throwing up all over himself in the Cowboys’ 33-31 loss.

Tony Romo vs Giants

Romo threw three picks - including one that was returned for a touchdown - and generally looked more spooked than a race horse that’s just been hit with a firecracker. But despite this, the Cowboys actually led late, and it looked like Dallas might pull out an improbable victory. Read more…

Speed Read: Hurricanes Avoid Yellow Jackets Trap

All this week, one of the top stories in college football was about the resurgence of the University of Miami football program after their Labor Day victory over Florida State. They were ranked in the Top 25 for seemingly the first time since Bernie Kosar was behind center, and people were talking about how head coach Randy Shannon had turned the moribund program back into players on the national stage.

Miami vs Georgia Tech

Which meant only one thing: The ‘Canes were due to crash and burn last night on ESPN against Georgia Tech. After all, they would certainly be dealing with a team-wide outbreak of swollen heads after their “program changing” win against the Seminoles. Plus, they would have to deal with the Yellow Jackets’ screwy triple option offense, which is tough under any circumstances. All the signs were there for a total meltdown: in fact, it had to happen.

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Yankees, Blue Jays Trade Punches In Basebrawl

• The Bronx Bombers blow up in a Tuesday night fight with the Blue Jays.

Yankees Blue Jays brawl

• And if Derek Jeter’s gonna brawl, he’s gonna need a mighty moustache.

• Seems that Wisconsin civic leaders have a problem with 12-year-old albino boys playing football with a tinted helmet visor.

• A Walter Payton statue in front of Soldier Field: A tribute to a Chicago Bears legend, or an insult to America’s veterans?

• ESPN will truly offer a college basketball marathon, as Monmouth & St. Peter’s agree to tip off at 6 a.m. Eastern.

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Jerry Jones, Cowboys Ignite Ticket Rage In Dallas

Sure yours may be bigger, but can you fill it? For Jerry Jones right now the answer is no, and Cowboys fans are furious. Anarchy in Dallas-Ft. Worth! It would be a shame if the new Tom Landry statue was torn down by an angry mob only hours after being installed.

Our story so far: The Cowboys are a couple thousand tickets or so short of a sellout for their home opener on Sunday, meaning that the game will be blacked out locally (maybe). To avoid that, or just because he’s greedy, King Jerry has released 1,200 reserved seat tickets into the wild. Get ‘em while they’re hot!

But that has royally pissed off PSL owners, who have paid as much as $5,000 each for their seats. This is a mess.

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Cowboys Selling “Ours Is Bigger” Stadium T-Shirts

Attention! Now available from the Dallas Cowboys official online pro shop:

Dallas Cowboys Ours Is Bigger shirt

Now, you might think the Dallas Cowboys are referring to their genitalia, specifically their penis, because nothing makes someone better than someone else than by having a big penis (unless you’re a woman, of course). Unfortunately, you would be incorrect in assuming so.

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What Recession? Cowboys Raise Tix Prices 90%

One of the most-used buzzwords in today’s National Football League is “parity.” Salary caps and revenue sharing have ensured that every team, in theory, can compete for Super Bowls. It’s the most American of ideals (well, other than the revenue sharing and whatnot - socialism!); with gumption and hard work, any team - even the Cardinals! - can reach the pinnacle of the sport.

Dallas Cowboys Bong

(What is Jerry Jones smoking?)

At least, that’s the storyline the NFL wants you to believe. The truth is that not every NFL team is created equal, and some teams have a hell of a lot more cash than others. In Jacksonville, the recession has wiped out their fans so badly they can’t even fill the stadium or get on local TV. Every team manages differently in these troubled times. Take the Cowboys, in comparison. They’ve reacted to the worst economy in decades by…jacking up ticket prices 90% over last year. And a happy recession to you too.

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Apple Gets Free Advertising At Cowboys Stadium

The Dallas Cowboys are a perfect sports analogy to Microsoft. They’re both led by supremely arrogant billionaires who have cornered the market on casual users of their respective products. To wit: nothing says “I know nothing about computers” quite like a guy running Windows Vista Home Edition, and nothing says “I know nothing about football” quite like a guy in, say, North Dakota sporting a Cowboys jersey.

Cowboys Stadium Oklahoma BYU FAIL

FAILlionaires* Bill Gates and Jerry Jones inadvertently teamed up Saturday to cause havoc at Cowboys Stadium, and it had nothing to do with Sam Bradford’s shoulder sending Oklahoma’s national championship hopes down in flames. Get your nerd flag out and ready to fly.

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Here’s Your Cowboys Seat, Sir - Enjoy The Game!

I’m not sure how much this seat is going for, but knowing Jerry Jones you’ll have to lease it for the entire season and pay extra if you happen to smudge the wall. From WAYNER.ORG via GEEKBRIEFTV, we present the worst seat at the new Cowboys Stadium. Some prefer to see the Cowboys game as 80 percent empty, but we prefer to see it as 20 percent full.

This is a real seat in Jerry’s new $1.15 billion playhouse, perfect for loners, or fans who are only interested in their team’s red zone offense. In the second half. Quite a letdown for the poor chump who drove all the way to Arlington to take in one of the iconic views in all of sports. I wonder, what would other classic American views look like from this seat? The results are after the jump.

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