A couple years ago, after leaving a particularly crappy soul-sucking office job, I made a solemn vow to myself that I would never work in a typical office or cubicle again. No more staring at the portable, thumbtackable walls of a cubicle. No more endless, pointless meetings about nothing at all. I spent the majority of my 20s sitting under the harsh glare of flourescent lighting and decided that I was not going to waste my life as a Dockers-and-polo-shirt-clad cog in someone else’s corporate machine.
Then again, maybe if I’d been working at FOXSPORTS.COM, I’d be singing a different tune. They debuted a new comedy-reality-web-show-thingy this week, a sort of “The Office meets talk radio meets entry-level marketing position” series, that makes the office life look, well, pretty damn fun after all.
Since becoming the Cthulhu of sports broadcasting sometime around 1998, the multi-tentacled being known as ESPN has diversified from the oh-so-boring world of actually broadcasting sports into all sorts of wacky ventures based on the premise that ESPN + [anything] = profit. Recent years saw the advent of such groundbreaking crap as ESPN-branded children’s toys,
ESPN-branded mobile phone providers, and ESPN-branded home electronics. None of these, however, matched up to the original ESPN + Crap = Profit formula: the ESPNZone restaurant.
For years, ESPN raked in vast amounts of cash from idiot tourists who thought it exciting to spend their vacations eating overpriced chicken wings and spin dip while basking in the warm glow of ESPN-branded Skee-ball machines. Their plan worked great until the idiot tourists stopped taking vacations after their subprime mortgages blew up in this crap economy of ours. Now the ESPNZone empire, built on the backs of midwestern rubes, is starting to crumble. First casualty? Denver!