You don’t tug on Superman’s cape; you don’t spit into the wind. You don’t pull the mask off the ol’ Lone Ranger and you do not make close calls in favor of the opponents of Connors State College’s baseball team. These are the facts; Jim Croce made them easy to remember in song format, even.
(Umpires have started hiring additional protection after reading this story)
However, it would appear the umpires working the May 9th game between Connors State and Eastern Oklahoma State College are tone deaf to the adult contemporary 70s stylings of Croce and their own impending doom. That might explain why they were lucky to escape with their lives after the wife of the Connors State coach launched herself into the locker room post-game.