Respected journals of anthropology like SPORTSbyBROOKS have long chronicled the behaviour of soccer fans in the wild, for science. SbB’s crack team of scientists traveled the globe to document the fascinating rioting habits of the Irish fan, the Romanian fan, and the Russian fan. We even received data from our South American research station on the rioting habits of the Chilean fan. Amazingly, however, we had heretofore gathered no empirical data on record regarding the rioting behaviours of the elusive African fan.
(Not pictured: Bus plunge.)
But that changed today, and the annals of science are richer for it. A bus-driving Nigerian Manchester United fan chanced upon a group of Barcelona fans celebrating their team’s victory in the UEFA Champions League Final and he did what any self-respecting soccer fan would do in the same situation around the world: He ran them over. Gouranga!