BYU Linebacker Kicked Off Team For DUI Coverup

Getting a DUI and then hiding it from your football coach is universally a terrible idea; it’s not like when the coach finds out, he admires your ingenuity and gives you a helmet sticker. But quick - name the worst I-A school at which to pull such a stunt. If you guessed Baylor, good guess but no. The answer is BYU, because BYU has Mormons, and Mormons are like vampires who feed on your ability to enjoy worldly pleasures. Also, they sleep in coffins.

Shiloah Te'o

(This only looks like a criminal mugshot. Well, aside from the jersey he’s wearing.)

Unfortunately, BYU LB Shiloah Te’o didn’t get that memo, and an August DUI arrest has come back to - metaphorically, we assure you - bite him. Proving the old “the coverup’s always worse than the crime” maxim true once again, head coach Bronco Mendenhall has made Te’o an ex-Cougar.

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Apple Gets Free Advertising At Cowboys Stadium

The Dallas Cowboys are a perfect sports analogy to Microsoft. They’re both led by supremely arrogant billionaires who have cornered the market on casual users of their respective products. To wit: nothing says “I know nothing about computers” quite like a guy running Windows Vista Home Edition, and nothing says “I know nothing about football” quite like a guy in, say, North Dakota sporting a Cowboys jersey.

Cowboys Stadium Oklahoma BYU FAIL

FAILlionaires* Bill Gates and Jerry Jones inadvertently teamed up Saturday to cause havoc at Cowboys Stadium, and it had nothing to do with Sam Bradford’s shoulder sending Oklahoma’s national championship hopes down in flames. Get your nerd flag out and ready to fly.

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