Week In Review: Tony’s Romo-ance w/Jessica Ova

• Dallas Cowboys fans finally have their prayers answered: Tony Romo has called it quits with Jessica Simpson.

Tony Romo Jessica Simpson

Chris Cooley doesn’t like to beat a dead horse - he prefers to blow it up instead.

Erin Andrews seems to appear a bit thin lately. Still, she knows how to look good in a shredded dress.

Gina Carano’s ex claims he has a sex tape of the MMA star in “action“.

• Former boxer Arturo Gatti found dead, supposedly killed by his wife.

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Musial Overshadowed By Barack Obama @ ASG?

With Joe Jack Buck’s passing, there’s probably no more revered man in the St. Louis baseball scene than Stan Musial. “Stan The Man,” you may recall, is the Cardinals’ franchise leader for home runs with 475, and he was named to a jaw-dropping 24 All-Star Games (they named him to one in 1997 after a clerical error, and he went 2-3 with a double and 3 RBI).

Stan Musial B&W

Musial’s also 88, and there’s discussion that his health is on the decline. This year’s All-Star Game, then, was the “last, best hope” for a proper send-off for the Cardinals legend - a la Willie Mays in San Francisco back in 2007. Unfortunately, he wasn’t the real VIP in the house.

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St. Louis Cards Prez Has Tons Of Illegitimate Kids?

By most standards, the 2009 All-Star Game in St. Louis was a success. City leaders were falling all over themselves in praise, because that’s what they’re supposed to do any time an event comes to town [it’s called being gracious. try it sometime.–ed].

Bill DeWitt stadium
(The Lothario himself, planning seating capacity for all his daughters.)

But above all else, the entire undertaking is simply a logistical nightmare, one that demands constant attention from multiple levels of suits. One of those suits, predictably, was Bill DeWitt, president of the St. Louis Cardinals. But his quote about the 3-day gala may have revealed a deep, dark secret about his personal life.

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Jefferson Jolts From Wedding, Doesn’t Tell Guests

Richard Jefferson got cold feet and decided to ditch his beautiful bride-to-be. Too bad the new Spur neglected to inform his wedding guests.

Richard Jefferson Kesha Nichols

• What’s better than $1 beers at the ballpark? How about $1 beers at the ballpark with a buxom Playboy “Hot Housewife” model?

• A British tennis coach is caught doing a little drive-by wanking near a group of 14-year-old girls.

• Nice to see Erin Andrews, Heather Graham & Kristin Cavallieri all share the same fashion sense.

• Hard to tell what looked weaker last night - President Obama’s first pitch, or the NL All-Stars’ overall play.

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Speed Read: Introducing The, Uh, “Shaqawockeez”

The 58th All-Star game is in the books, and the West absolutely destroyed the East, 146-117. At one point, it was 20-8 in favor of the East All-Stars before Kobe Bryant led the West on a 19-0 run, and the Westies never looked back. It’s hard to imagine what was the better Shaquille O’Neal highlight: going between Dwight Howard’s legs for the give-and-go with Chris Paul, or the entrance with that “Jabbawockeez” dance group that’s inexplicably* all over the TV these days. Here’s that intro (thanks, BALL DON’T LIE).

Shaq and Kobe shared the MVP award, which seemed fitting. Kobe tossed in the most points on the night (27), which is usually an automatic win, but Shaq was both far more efficient (17 points on 8-9 shooting in only 11 minutes) and entertaining; this might be the Big Aristotle’s last All-Star game, so he made it count last night.

At some point, with all the ACC losses piling up, you’d think it would no longer be fun or newsworthy to point out another Duke loss. You’d think that, but you’d be very wrong. After having their asses handed to them by UNC last week, the Blue Devils went to the Silvio O. Conte Forum to face a Boston College team that hadn’t beaten Duke in 24 years. Bounce back for the Blue Devils against an unrated BC team?

 Err, not exactly. Duke led 37-32 at the break, but the Golden Eagles came alive in the second half, ringing up 48 points in those 20 minutes against the vaunted Blue Devil defense. Senior leader Tyrese Rice drops 21, 6, and 6, Joe Trapani chips in 20 more, 80-74 is your final, and Duke is now 7-4 in the ACC. Dick Vitale must be inconsolable.

Let’s say you find yourself in the middle of Scotland with a dildo in my mouth. I mean your mouth. Anyway, let’s move on. Stuart Slann, a married 39-year-old Manchester United fan from Sheffield (this is all in England, in case you couldn’t tell), met “Emma,” a sexy babe who was also a ManU fan on Facebook, and the two hit it off. One problem: Emma, as you’ve already guessed, did not and does not actually exist, but Stuart didn’t find that out until driving 400 miles north and receiving a rather unfortunate phone call. Oh, and as we mentioned before, Emma really wanted to see a dildo in Slann’s mouth, so now… whoops.

Corn dildo
(This image is in no way modified to remove the sex toy. He was just eating corn. That’s all.)

UNPROFESSIONAL FOUL has the uncensored video, which is just basically some text, 2 minutes of the uncensored version of the picture above, and - as far as we can tell - rampant profanity (they’re Scottish, so who can tell).  As you can guess, Slann’s wife wasn’t very pleased, and the two have now split. Oof. This never happens to Pompey fans. Just sayin’.

Some more quick hits while you’re getting your grind on in the principal’s office…

Victoria Beckham weird
(What the hell.)

  • Joe Torre tries the Jedi Mind Trick on Manny Ramirez, telling reporters “I definitely would be very surprised if he’s not a Dodger,” then when pressed admitting that’s just because it’s what Torre wants. Knowing Manny, there’s a chance this might actually work.
  • San Diego pitcher Heath Bell’s secret to losing weight? The Wii Fit. The Padres’ S&C coach is giving you the finger as hard as he can, Heath.
  • For whatever reason, some reporter actually asked Allen Iverson if he was going to heaven or hell. How he didn’t end up quoting that 2pac poster that everyone in the world had 10-15 years ago is beyond me. But it’s wrong anyway, because now SbB readers can judge Alley I too…

Where will Allen Iverson go when he dies?

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*Yes, I know they won that thing on TV. That doesn’t make it okay.

Nike-Reebok Shoe Feud Leads To Tasered Rapper

Until today, the Shoe Wars were always a metaphor. After all, it’s not like people were literally killed for wearing Nike or Reebok kicks. Or for stompin’ in their A-di-das for that matter. Well, now the shoemakers really have begotten violence, with Cleveland-area rapper Kid Cudi getting himself tasered, according to the blog FAKE TALK, at the All-Star Reebok party on Friday … for trying to wear Jordan brand sneakers on stage.

kid cudi tasered rapper

(The first taser victim on NBA All-Star Weekend: Kid Cudi!)

That’s right, not only is there a rapper named Kid Cudi, he’s dumb enough to think Reebok executives would be cool with him rapping on stage at their party with signature sneakers made by their biggest market competitor. Not a smart cat.

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Don’t Wine About Seaver Skipping All-Star Game

Of the 64 Baseball Hall of Famers still alive & well, 50 of them made it out to Yankee Stadium Tuesday for the All Star Game. However, Tom Seaver was not among them.

Tom Seaver Mets

NEW YORK NEWSDAY drinks in the news that the former Mets great couldn’t be in town this week, because of an alcohol problem.

That is, Tom was too busy producing wine. Read more…

Blogz: Rampage’s Shredded Tires Can Be Yours!

• Remember Quinton Jackson’s little vehicular Rampage on Tuesday? Well, CAGE TODAY catches someone on Craigslist trying to sell pieces of the UFC fighter’s shredded tires.

Rampage Jackson shredded tire

• HUGGING HAROLD REYNOLDS keeps it rocking in their interview with MLB hurler-turned-punk band troubador Scott Radinsky.

• Besides HGH shipping receipts for Roger Clemens, FOOD COURT LUNCH investigates what else Kirk Radomski found underneath his broken TV set.

• RED SOX MONSTER learns that even the ASSOCIATED PRESS isn’t giving Dan Uggla a break from his “uggly”All-Star performance.

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Blog Jam: Wright Throws Girlfriend Surprise Party

• THE BIG LEAD gives a toast to David Wright for throwing a surprise birthday party for girlfriend Molly Beers.

David Wright Molly Beers

• WITH LEATHER swears that the AL’s current All-Star success is all thanks to the potty-mouthed Ichiro Suzuki.

• DEADSPIN finds someone pleading with the Packers to put Brett Favre back in the starting lineup, and that someone is … Newt Gingrich?

• SIGNAL TO NOISE learns that the NFL doesn’t want to see its image Crip-pled by players flashing gang signs during games.

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Position Players Prepped For Pitching Predicament

During last night’s 15-inning endurance test at Yankee Stadium, there appeared to be a chance that, at the very least, Red Sox skipper Terry Francona was going to have to figure out which position player he would have had to turn to. The NEW YORK TIMES reports that players such as Evan Longoria and game MVP J.D. Drew were ready to hit the mound.

J.D. Drew All-Star MVP

(Not like he didn’t earn the MVP, but pitching would be icing.)

The AL manager had promised the Devil Rays that Scott Kazmir was not going to be overworked; in fact, he didn’t want to use Kazmir at all.

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