Speed Read: Phillies Destroy Reds Like It’s 1892

The Cincinnati Reds have been playing baseball for nearly 120 years, but never had they been beaten as badly as they were last night by the Phillies at Citizens Bank Park. Back on July 26th, 1892, the Phillies blasted the Reds 26-6 at the Baker Bowl. That would stand for nearly 107 years as the franchise’s worst loss, until Dusty Baker’s Reds were bowled over by the Phillies again last night, this time by a 22-1 margin.

Johnny Cueto

The Phils dropped 10 runs in the first inning and just kept piling on. Cincinnati starter Johnny Cueto came into the game with a 2.69 ERA, but after allowing nine runs while recording only two outs, that mark soared to 3.45. Even more shocking, Baker actually took him out of the game. By the time the eighth inning rolled around, backup shortstop Paul Janish was serving up a grand slam to Jayson Werth.

Phillies starter Cole Hamels probably said it best: “When you put that many runs up, it makes it uncomfortable for the other team.” Kind of like the back of a Volkswagen.

Reds shortstop gives up grand slam

(”I’m not even supposed to be here today”)

The Cubs beat the Braves, as Aramis Ramirez returned from the DL, but their fans are still probably beating their heads against a wall after watching Jason Marquis throw yet another shutout for the Rockies. Colorado’s 1-0 win over the Nats was just the eighth 1-0 game in the history of Coors Field.

Pablo “Panda” Sandoval hit the game-winning grand slam as the Giants held off the Marlins 5-4 last night, and I’m happy to report that the big guy is currently leading in the voting for the last All-Star slot.

Pablo Sandoval

Apparently, you no longer need to be tagged out to be called out in baseball. Well, we’ve long suspected that, but umpire Marty Foster actually told Derek Jeter that it didn’t matter that he avoided Scott Rolen’s tag at third base — he was out because the throw beat him there. This is the same guy who called a Yankee out at home plate yesterday even though the catcher tagged him with an empty glove. Joe Girardi didn’t like the explanation and got tossed, and crew chief John Hirschbeck actually kinda threw Foster under the bus after the game. Hirschbeck has even said he will sit his crewmates down for a talk about other erroneous calls in the Yanks-Jays game yesterday.

Marty Foster

(Nearly every photo of Foster on the Internet looks something like this.)

Thankfully, there is some good news for future patrons of Yankee Stadium. Those of you who have to pee during the seventh-inning stretch can now do so without the risk of being thrown out of the yard. The Red Sox fan who was ejected for trying to go the bathroom during “God Bless America” also is getting a settlement of more than $10,000 from the City of New York. What I find funny about the whole thing is that when I worked in the press box at the old Stadium, media members often used the long break to take care of business. Heck, Bob Sheppard’s whole spiel before they played Kate Smith’s rendition of the song was taped, and he was usually on the way to the men’s room at the time.

Yankee Stadium urinals

• As if Phil Mickelson needed any more bad news, word comes that his mother has also been diagnosed with breast cancer. We probably shouldn’t expect to see much of Phil on the golf course anytime soon.

• WASTING AWAY IN WRIGLEYVILLE says that Erik Estrada has seen a lot of child pornography. How could they make such an absurd claim? Maybe it’s because when Estrada appeared on the Cubs-Braves telecast last night, he said “I’ve seen a lot of child pornography.” You know it’s a strange interview when a mention of Ron Jeremy’s wang isn’t the highlight. Video is up for now (see it while you can!)

• When a photo like this is out there, there’s just no excuse NOT to run it. Yes, this is the mug shot of “Three’s Company” star Joyce DeWitt, who was booked for DUI on Saturday:

Joyce DeWitt

The sports angle? Uhhhh, remember that one episode where Mr. Furley thinks Jack’s gay and Jack gets hit in the face with a door and there’s some really crazy misunderstanding that could’ve easily been averted? And it was at…the Super Bowl? Remember? I got nothing.

• The World Series of Poker’s main event is under way, and while nearly 6,500 players entered, there were hundreds that were shut out yesterday because the Rio reached its capacity.

Darren Rovell is a little surprised that Lacoste ran a full-page ad on the back of the NEW YORK TIMES sports section…congratulating Andy Roddick.

• I don’t even really know what to say about this, other than there’s a new world’s strongest vagina. If that isn’t solid late-night programming on The Ocho, I don’t know what is.

• Remember how the Nets were supposed to supposed to be moving into a brand-new fancy arena in downtown Brooklyn this year? Yeah, they haven’t even broken ground yet. The NY DAILY NEWS says the earliest an arena could be finished is 2012, and it might take much longer than that — if it happens at all.

• The Royals have taken a bit of a beating lately about the relative quality of their medical/training staff. So I suppose it’s only fitting that they took Ryan Freel’s word that he’s “100% healthy” when they acquired him from the Cubs.

• THE GOOD POINT went out and recruited a bunch of basketball bloggers to recount their favorite memories of the 2008-09 season.

• Now that the Cubs have been sold, is Wrigley Field going to undergo some sort of makeover?

• Everyone’s favorite fake cheerleader, Hayden Panettiere, visited David Letterman last night to talk about swimming with dolphins (that’s more of a sport than poker, right?) and to promote her new movie where she plays (shockingly) a hot cheerleader. Meanwhile, rumors are swirling that Heroes has finally given up and is just fishing for ratings by having her go girl-on-girl in the upcoming season. Here she is before her Letterman appearance:

Hayden Panettiere

Wilbon Singing At Wrigley A Conflict Of Interest?

Michael Wilbon, PTI luminary and semi-confused derider of blogs, was also something else entirely: a newspaperman. Before ESPN made him a star, Wilbon had graduated to columns, sure, but he was still hacking it around like so many other print journalists, upholding rituals as old as the newspaper itself.

Among those? No cheering in the press box. There’s even a book with that as its title. But what about singing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game?” That’s what Wilbon did at Wrigley Sunday night, and he feels weird about it.

Read more…

Cubs Fan Who Sang @ Game Succumbs to Cancer

A Cubs fan who won the opportunity to sing “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” at Wrigley Field has passed away after a long battle with bone cancer.

Dustin Eglseder Cubs fan singer

CHICAGOSPORTS.COM relays the sad news that 23-year-old Dustin Eglseder died at his Guttenberg, Iowa, home on Wednesday, a year after cancer was first diagnosed in his right arm. Read more…

Zook Sings, Cubs Zing To 7-Game Wrigley Sweep

The Chicago Cubs rolled the Colorado Rockies 5-3 on Sunday, hoisting up the ‘W’ flag for the 7th time in their 7-game homestand. With the win, the North Siders now enter June with the best record in baseball.

Ron Zook

And they have Ron Zook to thank for their sweet Wrigley sweep.

Read more…

Tony Romo Keeps Showing Up And We Don’t Care

Perhaps inspired by his lady love Jessica Simpson (who obviously was re-inspired by him for her next album), Tony Romo took his windpipe to the Windy City to try and wow the denizens of Wrigley Field (try being the operative word).

Tony Romo Chicago Cubs

The Cowboys QB was invited to sing during the seventh-inning stretch of Sunday’s Cubs game. And as Michael David Smith of AOL FANHOUSE belts out, he wasn’t a welcomed sight (with video after the jump).

Read more…

Devin Hester Joins Long List of Special Guests to Take Cubs Fans Out to the Ball Game

DEVIN HESTER JOINS (SOMETIMES UNFORTUNATE) LIST OF FOLKS ROOT-ROOT-ROOTING FOR THE CUUUUU-BIEEEES: Bears speed demon Devin Hester set yet another hometown Chicago crowd afire, but this time with his Monsters of the Midway melodies as he sang ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ at a recent Cubs contest:

devin hester & cubs fan

Which such a tear-jerking and ear-obliterating performance in mind, here’s a look back at how other 7th-inning guests fared at the Friendly Confines (and I don’t care if they ever get back):Pearl Jam frontman Eddie Vedder - as coherent as ever:

Eddie Vedder

CCR frontman John Fogerty - not quite up to par as he was with ‘Fortunate Son’ and ‘Centerfield’:

John Fogerty

NASCAR heartthrob Jeff Gordon - pleased as punch to be in ‘Wrigley Stadium’:

Jeff Gordon

IRL hottie Danica Patrick - proving once again not everyone can drive and sing:

Danica Patrick

Former Cubs outfielder Doug Glanville - complete with Harry Caray glasses (and a quick intro of Tommy Lasorda on the phone):

Doug Glanville

So, judge for yourself how these virtuosos of Peanuts ‘n’ Cracker Jack compare to The Man Himself.

And as you do, don’t forget to enjoy some quality refreshment.