Real men have haircuts level with the earth’s horizon. Real men don’t laugh at Terry Bradshaw’s jokes. And real men become spokespeople for Chevrolet-brand pickup trucks and look down on cars with convenient tailgate steps and heated steering wheels and seatbelts, because seatbelts are for queers and real men can crash through a windshield and jog three miles later that day. Howie Long is a real man. And if the FOX analyst-slash-truck-salesman had his way with the NFL playoff teams, he might be able to sniff out a girlie man or two.
Are those … “man sleeves?” Did Kurt Warner have to cover up his arms in Charlotte’s chilly willy weather, of all places? Wasn’t it, like, 50 degrees out there? Did his
mom wife crotchet him a yarn jockstrap? Did you know Long would play in sub-zero temperatures shirtless, if given the opportunity by the league? Also, frostbite builds character, and hypothermia increases sperm count. And don’t even get Howie started on what NFC Championship Game quarterback Donovan McNabb was wearing between offensive possessions:
A fun dilemma brought up by FANHOUSE: Is it ethical for Wake Forest fans to rush the court after a win over UNC? After all, UNC was No. 3, and suffered their second loss in as many Sundays, and Wake Forest was a scrappy 4th in the national polls. Blogger Adam … well, Adam, argues “Court storming is actually an insult to your players. Court storming is an admission that you didn’t think they could win.” Well, sure, but … so what? In Adam’s rules, he mentions it’s OK to storm after any Duke win. Well, isn’t UNC at that same level of animosity? Wake may be No. 4 and even Wilbon called the upset two days ago, but a No. 4 over a No. 3 win means it’s a top-five showdown, and even in the SbB-model-stacked ACC, that’s a couple-times-a-year occurrence, and Wake just won one of those. My alma mater lost to Savannah F’in State this year. Let the Deacons run wild and free, and enjoy this one.
If it wasn’t for HULU.COM, nobody’s watching Saturday Night Live anymore except for drunk people who can’t find anything else on TV. That website might singlehandedly save that show. The cast may not be in its prime, and it could be in a perpetual Kansas City Royals state of infancy, but a few solid clips seem to arise from recent episodes. In this case, it’s Kenan Thompson as Charles Barkley, as portrayed last Saturday. (Cue it up to 1:29 in if you don’t want to listen to Seth Meyers.) All in all, a solid skit, although if there was a way to transplant Frank Caliendo’s voice into Thompson’s larynx, that might be the opposite of turrible.
Before you drive away, please observe the following landmarks, which are clearly marked on your TripTik:
- RED SOX MONSTER finds a Sox-customized ‘57 Chevy on FLICKR. Expect Sox fans to launch a campaign getting it in the Hall of Fame because, looking back, it was the most feared ‘57 Chevy of its time.
- The Eagles beat the Giants to advance in the playoffs. This you knew. But … [puts on John Hodgman spectacles] WERE YOU AWARE OF IT? The final score of 23-11 was the first of its kind in NFL history. This time we can’t blame a certain quarterback for not knowing it was possible for a game to end like that.
- Just what the Panthers fans were hoping for: Julius Peppers will potentially not return next year, while Jake Delhomme will still be the starter. Celebrate, Carolina!
- Even though Adam Jones is no longer with the Cowboys, if he comes back like he says he will, he can room with defensive end Anthony Spencer, arrested for the pedestrian crime of disorderly conduct. Bonus: his agent was also booked.
- A new way to win Michael Phelps‘ heart: A woman gets a DUI after driving into a swimming pool.
- Fun little interview with FOX’s Ken Rosenthal over at MLB TRADE RUMORS on what it’s like to be a national baseball reporter in the offseason. While the interview took place, Buster Olney broke three more free agent signings. Snooze and lose.
- Former goalie Dominik Hasek is now in charge of the Czechoslovakian Hockey Hall of Fame. It can’t be a good sign for the 41 nominees that Hasek made a career of bending over backwards to ensure nothing gets past him.
- Wait, Antonio McDyess gave up how much guaranteed money to stay with the Detroit Pistons? Over eight million? Think of how many Silverados you could buy with that.
- Biloxi, Mississippi, had a problem with golfers practicing their swing in public parks. It’s almost as if they thought they might hit someone. One law later, that’s no longer a problem.
- And finally, what would a good solid Monday be without a dramatic finish in curling? Team Ferbey beat Team Howard in a skins game, banking $70K, but it’s a Canadian $70K so that will only buy, like two Silverados.