Bruce Smith Tries ‘Old Injury’ Defense in DUI Case

Back in May, we reported that Bruce Smith had earned his third DUI arrest in 12 years. We use the term “earn” loosely; he wasn’t dragging mailboxes and chain-link fences behind his car or enjoying a boozeaccino for the road or anything. But 73 in a 55? That, sir, was a large mistake.

bruce smith mug shot
(Even retired and in police custody, I feel like he’s going to drop me for a loss if I pick up a football.)

You’ll also recall that Smith refused a Breathalyzer test on the scene, which isn’t much of a good idea. Ah, but it was part of a larger plan, you see. With that, Smith had an “out”: his unsteadiness on one foot was just a matter of poor knee health from his long NFL career! And the bleary eyes? That’s just the concussions talking. Surely a reasonable judge would agree, yes?

Erm, no: Smith was just convicted of DUI in Virginia Beach, as a matter of fact.

Smith also was convicted of speeding and refusing to take an alcohol breath test. Judge Teresa McCrimmon gave Smith a 90-day suspended jail term and fined him $350 for DUI. She also suspended his driver’s license for a year for refusing the breath test and fined him $90 for speeding.

The appeal is scheduled less than three weeks after Smith’s Aug. 7 induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

Wonder if that’ll come up in his speech? God, I hope not.

Actually, maybe that would be fun to see. We’ve always wanted to see an induction speech just fly totally off the rails to the point that they have to figure out how to “play the guy off,” so to speak. Michael Irvin, of course, was the prohibitive favorite for disaster, but his speech ended up being one of the better in Canton history - certainly one of the most emotional.

But back to Smith. While he had a bit of plausibility on his side, skipping the Breathalyzer is a killer, especially in light of other damning facts:

But prosecutor Kristin L. Paulding said Smith’s problems with the sobriety tests were not just physical — he also had trouble following instructions. For example, Smith was told to walk nine steps and turn around, but he walked 14 and had to be told to stop.

She also noted that Smith was driving on a shoulder that was clearly marked as closed to traffic and was clocked at 73 mph in a 55 mph zone before he was pulled over. Smith told Womble he and two others had consumed a bottle and a half of wine at dinner.

Whoops-a-daisy. And by the way, three people and only a bottle and a half of wine? That’s not enough booze to get up to the dreaded 0.08, is it? It’s not even close. Perhaps those “two others” weren’t much help with the drinking. We know the drill; after all, we never drink alone at home; there’s always a cat running around for company. That counts, right?