Sumo Wrestler Fined for Caste-Iron Spoon Attack

Sumo’s got a bit of an image problem these days. (Note we didn’t say “a huge problem”.) The cruelty taken by each young wrestler during their completely isolated training would bring defenders of Eight Belles and Barbaro to their feet in disgust. (Note we didn’t say “cruelty absorbed by the bodies of each young wrestler”.)

Sumo wrestler with a ladle.  Of course.

The caste system in sumo wrestling, combined with the violent nature of the sport, the cocoon-like existence of a sumo wrestler, and their attendant stardom in sumo-crazy Japan has led to abuse of young wards in various bizarre ways. Which leads us to this: one of the older sumo wrestlers just received a temporary paycut for attacking a younger wrestler with a ladle.

Note that we’re not suggesting the wrestler wouldn’t put down the ladle during his attack. Note that we’re not suggesting the younger wrestler got between the older wrestler and his Chunky Soup vat. Note that we’re not suggesting the fine came from beating the younger wrestler with the soup spoon and not the meal spoon. Those would be crude suggestions we are obviously above.

However, we do feel this now makes much more sense: