Strip Club To Open Up Across From Safeco Field

You know how all the new baseball parks have cool features, like the hot tub beyond center field at Arizona’s Bank One Ballpark Chase Field? Or the train at Enron Park Minute Maid Park? Well, forget those features, because Seattle’s Safeco Field is getting a strip club. Game, set, match Seattle.

Jacoby Ellsbury at strip club (fake)

(Jacoby Ellsbury at Deja Vu, May 15-17, 2009.)

OK, so the strip club isn’t in the stadium itself, but it’s right outside. And making the whole seamy enterprise even better is it’s name, at least according to the SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER: The Deja’ Vu Club. See, it’s ironic because we definitely haven’t seen this before.

The strip club’s opening marks the end of a drastic transformation in Seattle’s family-friendly image. Until last year Seattle had banned “adult cabarets” for almost two decades. Now there’s going to be one across the street from the entrance to home plate, literally.

The Mariners themselves were arguing against Deja Vu setting up shop across the street on the basis that children go to a lot of games, and schools often take tours of the park as part of class events (think of the children! Someone think of the children!). But that argument was summarily rejected when the Seattle Planning Commission put Safeco Field in the same status as churches or theaters (we assume of the non-erotic kind).

deja vu club dancer

(This is from an actual Deja Vu. Don’t try to tell us you’d rather watch baseball.)

And don’t think that this decision is about to get overturned by courts somewhere. When the Mariners appealed the club’s application, they asked for an interpretation of their own status. According to the lawyer for Deja Vu, that could be a prohibitively difficult impediment to overturning the decision.

“In the laws of our state, when a city or county has made an interpretation, the court gives a great deal of deference to that. They have loaded the bases for us and we have no outs,” lawyer Peter Buck said.

Ouch. That’s not good for the kids. At the end of the day, you’d think it would be good for Mariners business, too. What are the odds of a drunk strip club patron getting antsy and feeling dirty at 7 p.m., saying, “You know what? Screw it. Let’s go see a game.” Even better, fans don’t have to worry about being stuck at blowouts. If the Mariners suck, you just go across the street and forget about how awful they are. That’s a pretty good way to forget, which is probably why Deja Vu is opening up there in the first place. After all, teams don’t get much worse than the current incarnation of the Mariners.

deja vu sign

(Maybe they can sponsor a new Safeco Jumbotron?)

Really, who cares what the Mariners think. This is great for us! This has to make Seattle a “must-visit” road trip destination, right? And who wants to place odds on how long it takes before an old-looking 14-year-old sneaks into the club, gets served and Deja Vu gets sued by his parents. I’ll take six weeks.