If we were to tell you that Steve Phillips had an affair with a 22-year-old production assistant, how do you suppose that situation would play itself out? It couldn’t possibly end discreetly and amicably with nobody in his family the wiser, right?

(Weird, we figured her Facebook profile would be a boiled rabbit.)

No, in a surprise to absolutely nobody, Phillips’ affair has blown up in his face in a failure every bit as epic as his career as Mets’ GM. The NEW YORK POST has the sordid details, which include a divorce, a suspension from ESPN, his son being stalked online, and more information about Steve Phillips’ crotch region than you ever cared to know.

From the Post:

ESPN analyst Steve Phillips had a fling with a 22-year-old production assistant, who, after being dumped, taunted his wife with “Fatal Attraction”-like phone calls and a letter that bragged about her sexcapades with Phillips while taking pot shots at their “loveless marriage,” The Post has learned.

The former Met general manager, whose tenure with the team was rocked by admissions of infidelity, confessed to his wife and local cops that he had slept with ESPN assistant Brooke Hundley several times this past summer before dumping her.

Hundley’s desperate actions — including accidentally smashing her car into a stone column while speeding away from the Phillips’ home after leaving the letter — terrified the family, according to the Wilton, Conn., police report.

Hundley crashed her car into the column while leaving the Phillips’ family home after planting a letter - the sole purpose of which seemed to be to shock wife Marni into divorce. Mission accomplished, young lady; here’s a redacted copy of said letter:

If everything in the letter’s to be taken at face value, then yes, that’s particularly damning. That would not be a wise idea, however.

After all, we’re talking about someone who repeatedly posed online as a high school classmate of Phillips’ eldest son in order to curry information about the family from him. In fact, even considering the fact that we’ve just been told where Steve Phillips has a birthmark in relation to his “Little General Manager,” the weirdest and most troubling part of this whole thing is the lengths to which Hundley went in order to trick Phillips’ son to talking about the family.

The son’s statement to the police is here (pops to .PDF file); here are some highlights:

• Under the screen name “riotgirr4life,” posed as a friend from last year’s Spanish class;
• Repeatedly asked inappropriate questions about the relationship between Steve and Marni;
• Asked for information on the younger sons’ schedules;
• Tried to add the son on Facebook as Brooke Hundley (to his credit, the son declined every time);
• Posed as a different classmate and added the son, then asked for a home phone number;
• Told the son she had watched him at football practice.

Not surprisingly, the totality of this experience has caused Marni to sue for divorce, and Phillips deeded the family home to her right around the time all of this went down.

It’s a shame, really, because Phillips says he only - ahem - consummated with Hundley three times, and that he had not shared most of the information in the letter with her (the son might know a thing or two about where the phrase “loveless marriage” came from, though). Clearly, he wasn’t into the affair with the intention of wifing up with her.

Ah, but infidelity is infidelity, and putting your marriage, family, and home in the hands of a lonely 22-year-old is begging for disaster.