Steely McBeam Caught Drunk Driving, Unshaven

Steely McBeam, beloved blue-collar symbol of the Pittsburgh Steelers, has been arrested and charged with DUI in Pittsburgh. Steelers employee Kenneth Hahey, who inhabited Steely McBeam’s insides last season, scored higher than the Steelers offense with a .166 BAC (twice the legal limit in Pennsylvania) on January 5th.

Steely McBeam behind bars

Hahey has been relieved of his duties and released by the team for this transgression. There has been no proof that McBeam’s civic pride has been called into question for not having an open can of Iron City Beer in the car when the arrest occurred.

The Steelers organization insisted that Steely McBeam would continue his community appearances and team support “uninterrupted”, requiring a new actor take the role. In keeping with the initial reaction to Steely McBeam and the high standard set by the previous torch bearer, we have a recommendation:

Andy Dick

We hope his nuanced performances and off-field behavior continue to entertain and inspire Steelers fans across the nation, much as Steely McBeam has for lo these many months. (And he comes with his own cleft chin!)