Star Va. HS Running Back Goes Superfelonious

At first blush, Virginia doesn’t seem like the kind of state that’s prone to large swaths of poverty or gang violence. When you think of urban areas in Virginia, after all, you probably think of Richmond, the DC suburbs, and, like, Roanoke. But right by Norfolk on the eastern seaboard are two places you really don’t want to be in late at night: Newport News and Hampton. How bad are we talking here? Well for one, Newport News native Michael Vick named his Bad Newz Kennels after the city. So yeah, it’s somewhere where it’s probably a good idea to invest in a gun. And an alligator-filled moat. And bullet-proof vests for the alligators.

Tron Fif
(Tron has some advice for, uh, Tron.)

Should you want further proof, we present Tron Martinez, a young man whose name further solidifies Dave Chappelle’s place in the pantheon of geniuses. Tron had accepted a scholarship offer to Old Dominion for next fall; according to the VIRGINIAN-PILOT, he was “a prized recruit for the Monarchs.” The reason we’re using past tense, as you’ve probably already guessed, is because he was just nailed in a large police sting, and SWEET BEARDED JESUS is that ever a large amount of felony charges:

Martinez has been tied by police to the 36th Street Bang Squad, a sect of the Bloods national criminal street gang. Martinez, 18, was one of 13 individuals arrested Friday in a sting operation that involved the Hampton police, Newport News police the Virginia State Police ant the FBI. Six of the suspects are adults and their names were released; the other seven are juveniles.

Martinez and those arrested have been charged with a litany of offenses including malicious wounding, conspiracy to commit malicious wounding, maiming by mob, gang participation, assault and battery, and assault and battery by mob.

Well, that’s probably enough to send him away for a few thousa–I’m sorry, there’s more?

Martinez and a 17-year-old suspect who was not identified by Hampton police were also charged with robbery.

Oh, hell.

Not surprisingly, Old Dominion pulled Tron’s scholarship, burned the paper the offer was printed on, disavowed any knowledge of Tron, the football team, and the sport of football itself, then finally pointed behind you to distract you while they ran and hid in a nearby broom closet.

Nonetheless, it was a strong message to the rest of the football world that just because ODU’s a newcomer to college football - they have yet to play a single game, as 2009 is their first season - they’re still ready to take the Fulmer Cup very seriously, just so long as next time, their criminal masterminds can wait until they’re on campus before undertaking their dastardly schemes.